


Beating around the bush.

by Clickerteeth



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mutual Pining, Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:07:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 75,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26010022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clickerteeth/pseuds/Clickerteeth
Summary: You, Y/n L/n, One of Jackson's best medics find yourself in a little bit of a sticky situation when a simple house call and coffee turns into a little bit more between you and Joel Miller. Does what happened make your life in the 'safe haven' awkward? Absolutely. Does your boyfriend Derek find out? Well that's what you're trying to avoid.But you can't beat around the bush forever.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina & Jesse (The Last Of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Joel & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Reader, Joel/Reader, Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 159





	1. What... just happened?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is my first Joel x Reader fic, honestly this is my first The Last Of Us fic at all. So this takes place After TLOU 1 but we're gonna pretend that the big bad in TLOU 2 doesn't happen because I need happy Joel Miller in my life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None._

Y/n L/n.

One of Jackson’s best medics, Being part of FEDRA while growing up in the world of the infected made you quite useful to other people.

Moving to Jackson after leaving the QZ up in Michigan was probably your best bet so far. They were always welcoming anyone with medical training, obviously careful about the whole ex-FEDRA soldier but they welcomed you pretty much like the rest.

You were stumbled upon by Tommy Miller himself, you’d heard of both him and his brother from your time in the Military. Which wasn’t something you generally boasted about but it was something that came up in conversation.

Being a medic you were naturally well acquainted with everyone here.

Being one of Jackson’s medic’s made your life harder but easier at the same, you’d be on infirmary shift one minute, the next you’d be out on patrol, or scouting. But that also meant you got to know everyone better, since you were constantly shifting.

There was one man who’d really taken your interest, from the beginning.

Joel Miller.

Older brother to Tommy Miller, and Guardian of Ellie Williams. All around big, tough, scary man.

Strong Silent type to be sure.

You’d often talk with him, you shared a lot of patrols together and you hung around the same crowd. Well, By the same crowd I mean you would often be seen talking to Tommy, Maria, or Ellie.

Joel didn’t necessarily do friend groups.

But he seemed alright with you, You think at least, the man was hard to read, especially when you first met.

You always seemed to cross paths, even when you weren’t on patrol

You’d often see him sitting in the infirmary waiting patiently for someone to treat him, more often than not it was you. You’d bump into him at the canteen most times you were there, You’d always make the effort to talk with him. Even if it was a brief hello.

Sure your current boyfriend wasn’t too pleased with how well you seemed to get along, but what do you care?

He was definitely very closed off. Probably for good reason too. You weren't about to judge him for it.

You didn’t think you’d see the day where he stopped you to talk. Really talk. Not his normal brief hello, or a thank you for the medical help.

-

You almost jumped out of your skin feeling a foreign touch before a recognisable voice followed.

“Didn’t mean to scare ya.” The man mumbled as he let his hand slip away from your arm.

You turned and took a breath, a relieved smile following. “Jesus Joel.” You sighed. “You did a pretty good job at scaring me.” You said, your smile perking back up.

“What’s up?” You asked curiously tilting your head.

You watched as he tried to search for the right words, his lips parted and he sucked in a breath as he tried to spit out the sentence.

He clearly needed a little help pushing his request. “How 'bout we take a walk? If you’re not busy that is?” You asked with a friendly smile, one that not many got to see the light of. It was genuine. Not the ‘professionally’ friendly smile you pull.

He gave a nod and you pointed towards the street behind you. “I’m heading that way. You’re welcome to follow.” You said as you turned on your heels.

Winter was by far your favourite season, but Jesus Christ was it cold this year.

You had your hands shoved back into your pockets in no time as you made your way down the street, Joel sidling up beside you nicely.

It was quiet for a second, the only noise that could be heard was the sound of snow crunching freshly underfoot, before you spoke up. “So how does it feel to be going on your fourth year in Jackson?” You asked, flicking your gaze to the man who was staring right in front of him. Looking anywhere but at you it seemed.

Which was alright, you knew some people struggled with eye contact. Even though Joel was never really one of those people. Other conversations you had with him he’d look at you, perfectly fine. You’d caught him looking over your features a few times. But pushed yourself to think nothing of it.

“It’s uh, easy livin’.” Was all he answered.

“Easy?” You prodded as you walked down the quiet side streets, your house being in this general direction.

“It’s easier than out there.” He said motioning to the big wall keeping you all safe from the outside world.

You nodded. “You sure as hell got that right.” You chuckled, glancing at him.

“You were on the outside?” He asked. Just assuming that you’d always really been here.

“ 'Course!” You beamed. “I’ve only been here a year longer than you, well maybe 2 now.” You informed him.

He raised his brows in a surprised manner. “Huh, who’da thought.” He said as he looked over your navy coloured jacket.

“Fedra...” He mumbled reading the grey writing on the side of it. Underneath the neatly patched F.E.D.R.A logo was a crudely stitched “ _SUCKS_ ” In red thread.

“I wasn’t always on the good side.” You admit to him, watching him study the jacket.

“Where’d you get that?” He asked, looking up to your eyes, letting his gaze linger a little longer than he needed. Seeming to struggle to pull away.

“You’re talking to FEDRA, Special Forces; Unit Alpha leader, Y/n L/n.” You told him with a playful grin, it faltered lightly as you remembered your days with the military before you shook it off, your smile beaming once more. “Where do you think I got it from?” You asked.

“ _You_ were part of FEDRA?” He asked a little shocked to see someone as... kind... as you be part of a team like that.

“Mhm. A high commanding officer in FEDRA, who’da thought?” You asked.

“But don’t worry, I haven’t been one of them for a long time. Ellie helped me improve the jacket actually” You beamed. “Last time I saw her she took this home with her, then returned it to me with the nice calligraphy.” You joked, looking down at the rather simply written message.

“No kiddin’?” He said softly a small smile gracing his face at the mention of Ellie.

“Yeah, She’s quite handy with a needle and thread, as we’ve already seen.” You hummed motioning to his stomach.

God when they first came here, There was all manner of things they needed help with, And one of them happened to be the stitching in Joel’s lower right abdomen.

From a clear puncture wound of course, one that went right through him. It was healing fine, you just had to get the stitches out so it could finish without completely closing in on them, and fair play to the man, when you had to pull the suckers out he sat still for you, only occasionally grumbling a cuss or expletive.

To which you rewarded him with a nice hot steaming cup of coffee, since then, he’s normally been more than happy to be on patrols and such with you. Just, no feelings or anything. Normal grumpy old Joel.

Although... The more you think about it, the more sparse your Patrols with him have been. It used to be every 3 patrols you’d be paired with him. And recently, you’d be lucky to see him once.

He hummed a reply as he looked around. “Ellie talks ‘bout you quite a bit.” He said craning his head back around to look at you.

You scrunched your eyebrows a little in surprise. “She does? She’s such a sweet kid.” You cooed.

“You’re her friend. I don’t see why she wouldn’t” He shrugged.

You smiled softly, it was nice to know that the 18 year old thought of you as friends. Sure it was like a big sister little sister friendship, with you being quite literally 10 years older than her and all. But the sentiment was nice.

“Well I’m glad. She’s been growing up a lot lately huh?” You mentioned shoving your hands back into your pockets after doing your jacket up tighter.

He nodded. “She has.” He muttered, his voice sounding a little more relaxed. “It feels like jus’ yesterday I was travellin’ across the country to get ‘er here.” He said, his sentences finally getting long enough to really hear his Texan accent lace each one of his words with a pleasant twang.

He came down from Boston to look for Tommy and this ‘safe haven’ when he ran into a little girl with seemingly nothing left. At least that's what you were told

You two continued to walk around, just talking, about whatever. This, that and the other, until it started to get a little too cold, the colour gradually fading from the sky as it got darker.

You rubbed your arms together and looked over at Joel who’d not long gone quiet, just seeming to enjoy the company.

“Hey-Uh” You started, fumbling over your words a little. “-Do you wanna, come back to mine? For a coffee? It’s getting cold out here.” You told him rubbing the back of your neck under your hair.

Joel looked at you with a raised brow, you never were the fumbling type, you always spoke so surely of yourself and whatever you were saying.

He gave a barely visible smile before nodding. “I’ll go anywhere where there’s coffee.” He told you, making you giggle lightly. Something he seemed to enjoy making you do.

“Well I’m sure I can sort that out for you.” You said leading the way,


	2. Coffee talk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take Joel back to your place for a nice hot cup of coffee and you decide to try and confront him on whats been up with the Patrol schedules and him recently.
> 
> _Chapter warnings: Smut_

You actually didn't live far from Joel, a few streets over. It was a cute little place. A two bedroom upstairs, one which you used as a study and such, and another with a bathroom connected to the master bedroom. Along with the downstairs that had a nice island kitchen attached to a pantry and laundry room, with the living room connecting on the other side. The living room itself had a couch with a furry blanket thrown over it and two arm chairs, surrounding the fire and TV which was mounted onto the wall above it. The entire place screamed warm cabin.

As soon as you walked in you could tell that you’d put some effort into making this place homely. You’d put up curtains and laid a rug or two throughout. There were a few pictures of you and other’s from around Jackson hung up, as well as purely ornamental paintings.

You had lamps littered about the place to give a warm light off when it was getting dark, which was earlier in the day during the winter.

You unlocked the door before wandering in, shrugging the light dusting of snow that was coating your shoulders off as you unzipped your jacket, motioning for Joel to come in.

Which he did, and then he proceeded to stand awkwardly while you stripped out of your jacket and hoodie. The warmer items of clothing catching on your shirt as you pulled the hoodie part over your head.

Joel watched as the fabric slid up your back. _Get your eyes offa her, You know she’s got a partner_. He mentally scolded himself. To which he quickly averted his gaze from your skin.

“You don’t have to stand there still like a column you know? You can take off your jacket. Let it dry out a little. I don’t want you walking with a cold wet jacket when you go home, you could get sick.” You smiled, hanging up your hoodie to dry as well.

Joel scoffed a laugh. “I wouldn’t get sick.” He argued.

“Oh like hell you wouldn’t, you’d get a cold and then i’d have to do some more looking after of you.” You teased as you watched him strip out of his jacket, your eyes wandering to watch the fabric of his flannel fall back into a comfortable position.

You took his coat and smiled. “Not that I would mind that.” You flirted lightly and subtly, moving it closer to the fire so that it was warm when he put it on next.

You wandered around and flicked a few lights on before moving to the fire, getting that back up and running since you’d knocked it during the day so that you didn’t burn the house down.

“Jesus I can’t believe it’s already practically dark out.” You mumbled to yourself, as you wandered into your kitchen, heating the stove up and placing the battered full kettle onto it before grabbing two mugs.

“You got a cat?” Joel called in to you a little curiously as a grey tabby cat circled his leg, while he looked around.

“Huh? Oh yeah I guess, He was here when I moved in. His name’s Deaky.” You told him.

“Deaky?” Joel asked as he looked into the kitchen from where he was stood.

“Yeah, Deaky, short for Deacon, shorter for John Deacon. You know the Bassist from Queen?” You said as you dumped a spoonful of instant coffee into the mugs, while waiting for the water to boil.

Joel sat down on the couch a little awkwardly and the cat jumped up next to him. “I didn’t think you’d even know who Queen are.” He scoffed a little, putting his hand out to pet the ball of fluff as it brushed against him.

You looked over into the living room at him and put your hand on your hip. “How young do you think I am? I’m literally 28. Also Music stores are a saviour in these times.” You hummed motioning over to the vinyl player in the living room with a bunch of records stood neatly next to it, where it sat on a set of drawers.

“You’re younger than me, that’s for sure.” He grumbled, his chest getting a little heavy at his own words.

He turned his head and leaned forward on the couch to see the collection. “You on that patrol route often?” He teased lightly.

Joel made a small face at himself, he wasn’t ever really the type to have teasing fun.

You looked at him with a raised brow before a smile spread across your face. “I guess you could say that.” You said before almost jumping out of your skin at the kettle squealing behind you.

You turned around and started pouring the boiling water into the mugs, Joel watching your movements carefully. His eyes travelling over the back of your body, lingering shamefully on your butt.

 _Quit your staring._ He scolded himself, prying his eyes away to look down at the doe eyed cat staring back up at him, with a judging look in his eye.

“Joel?” You hummed, snapping him out of the staring contest he was having with the cat.

He shook his head a little and looked up to your soft intrigued smile.

“What’cha doing there?” You asked handing him a mug of coffee.

He opened his mouth to reply but didn’t actually know what he was doing, staring at poor little Deaky like that. “Where’d you get the beans?” He asked inhaling the smell of the pure dirty bean water.

You smiled and sat on the other side of the couch, letting the cat curl up between you both. “You gotta know how to work a trade, and when you wear the right clothes and talk just right, you tend to come out on top.” You admitted.

You watched as he took a sip, his eyes closing as the steam danced its way over his face, his shoulders visibly sagging as he relaxed into it, a deep breath coming from his nose as he let his mouth drop open slightly, leaning his head against the back of the couch.

You couldn’t help but let your tongue flick out over your drying lips. He was a handsome man. Incredibly handsome. Watching those tired features relax into your couch made your ears heat up lightly, a warming sensation brushing across your neck and chest as you watched.

“You’re always welcome to come over for a cup.” You said quietly breaking the silence. “Seeing as you’re about to bust over that one.” You teased.

Joel opened his eyes and looked at the grin on your face. “Well you keep givin’ me reasons to come back, like that, ‘n you’ll be seeing me more often.” _What the hell are you doin’ Miller?_ He cursed in his head.

You didn’t expect that relaxed of a reply. Your smile grew wider and you sipped your coffee. Sinking back into the couch more.

“You worked hard on this place huh?” He asked after a brief moment of silence. His hand working the soft spots behind Deaky’s ears, making the cat purr gently.

You smiled thankful that someone actually noticed. “Yeah, I mean I spend most of my days covered in blood trying to help others.” You started, Looking around for yourself, as your fingers scratched at the base of the cats back.

“I think i’d have a lot more trouble dealing with it all if I didn’t have a chill place to come back too.” You admitted.

You both sat in silence as he nodded. The crackling of the fire, filling what would be a semi awkward silence.

“How about I put some music on?” You offered, watching as Joel made a pout of consideration, a simple nod accompanying it.

“If that’s what you wanna do.” He said as he watched you place your coffee down on the table in front before you bounced up, moving over to the vinyl player.

Joel watched you lazily. His eyes just taking in your form. No matter what you’re wearing you can pull it off.

Currently you were wearing a dirtied white tank top and skinny jeans, your Military boots sitting over them neatly, the jeans tucked into them.

Joel felt shameful for looking at you the way he was, Like he’s not allowed to observe. His argument being, She’s too young. Sure you were nearly 30 but that didn’t seem to register to him. There was also the fact that you were in a relationship, and had been for what? 6 months now?

Another thing that made him feel guilty, was the fact that you and Ellie were actually close. You actually spent quite the time with her. Enjoying your patrols together, watching movies with her, Dina, Jesse even Cat every so often. They'd even turn up to the infirmary to annoy you multiple times a day.

He watched as you crouched down to look into a box of records, your jeans stretching nicely around your- _No! Stop it Joel!_

He pulled his gaze away and gulped at the nearly too hot to drink liquid.

You gasped quietly and excitedly pulled out a record. Carefully pulling it out of the sleeve before placing it on the turntable, flicking a few switches before that signature static started to pour through the speakers gently. As you lowered the arm down onto the vinyl, the pin scraping gently against the record until it found the right groove to start the music.

You turned on your heels smoothly as the guitar started for the beginning of Gypsy, by Fleetwood Mac played.

Joel looked up at you as you swung your hips gently to the song while moving back to your seat.

“You listen to Fleetwood Mac?” He asked, his eyes studying your face as you moved around before you settled back down into your spot, this time just a little closer to him.

“Why do you always sound so surprised whenever music is involved?” You teased. “Mirage was my mom’s favourite Fleetwood album.” You told him.

He turned his head back towards the fire, slowly lifting the mug to his mouth. “Your ma had good taste.” He complimented gently.

“I’ve got a bunch of other stuff if you don’t wanna listen to this?” You told him thoughtfully.

“ ’m good thanks.” He said barely letting his gaze reach you.

You nodded before sitting back, moving to pet the cat once again. A tumble of purrs rolling out of the creature.

You sat in comfortable silence for about five minutes before you started thinking about the patrols and such again.

You looked over to Joel who had his head back against the back of the couch, His left leg was gently resting on the other while his right foot tapped the floor to the beat of the song.

You could sit and stare at that man’s side profile all day, he really was handsome. You almost didn’t want to disturb him. But you were too curious on what had been happening to miss the opportunity.

“What?” Joel asked, his voice deep and relaxed as he spoke from his position. His eyes were still closed and he was still thumping his foot to the beat gently.

“I haven’t said anything?” You replied with a hint of confusion.

“You’re starin’ what d’ya want?” He asked again. Straight to the point.

“How did you know I was- Nevermind, I was gonna ask what’s been up with patrols recently?” You questioned, watching as his whole body tensed for a moment.

You tilted your head a little in confusion before he forced himself to relax, not fully to the extent that he was originally but relaxed a little.

“I don’t know what yer talkin’ about?” He sighed.

“Joel we haven’t been on a patrol or supply run together for weeks, I just- I just wanted to know if you knew anything about why?” You asked, your voice a little softer and with a hint of embarrassment.

Joel knew exactly why, because he told Tommy to switch it. He was starting to feel a few buried emotions pop up, for someone who’s about 20 years younger than him. Things that he wasn’t gonna let himself feel.

You scooted closer to him while he thought about a reply, your hand still scratching Deaky who laid comfortably between you both.

“I have no clue.” Was his only response.

You scrunched your nose as you looked at him. “It took you that long to come up with ‘ _I have no clue_ ’?” You said mocking his accent with your words.

Joel’s eyes flickered open and he turned his head to you, Noticing that the seat between you was slowly being taken. He could thank Deaky for keeping you at bay.

“Yeah, ‘cause I got no clue.” He grumbled.

“I call bullshit.” You admitted, a sigh coming from your mouth. “Joel you’re a big boy now, you can use your words. You don’t have to always be a broody grumpy old man.” You said, slowly pushing his buttons, to try and get an answer.

He scoffed and sat up a little, putting his mug on the floor beside the couch and uncrossing his legs. “ ‘Scuse me?” He asked. His voice deep, with a threatening undertone.

“You heard me.” You bit, pushing your face forward a little for emphasis, trying to fight off the grin forcing its way onto your face.

“You wanna know what I think?” You asked.

He sighed and rubbed his hands down his jeans. “Not particularly.”

You bounced a little closer, sat on your legs next to him. “I think you wanna avoid me.” You said honestly, saying it out loud hurt you more than it should have.

“That ain’t-” Joel started with a sigh.

“I think that you are too cowardly to just tell me to leave you alone.”

“Y/n I-” He tried again but you cut him off once more.

“Joel we’re both adults here, It’s not gonna hurt my feelings.” You lied, continuing to push it, not giving him a chance between each sentence to speak, cutting him off every time which you could see was starting to aggravate him.

“Will you shut up for one second!” He snapped sitting straight and turning to you.

“ ** _Make me!_** ” You snapped back, more surprised at your own reaction than his little outburst.

You both stared at each other in silence for a moment, something in the air shifting, just as quick as the song changed. Both of you seeming to be much closer than before. Close enough to make Deaky jump off of the couch and wander to a different room.

You watched as he threw a quick glance to your lips, making your tongue dip out to wet them quickly.

Before you knew it, your lips were against his, his hand grabbing at your side needily while you grabbed at his cheeks.

He grunted against your mouth before hungrily forcing his tongue in, feeling yours collide with his, the taste of coffee strong between you.

It wasn’t long before he’d moved closer to you, giving you enough space to throw your leg over him, putting yourself into his lap.

He grabbed at your hips, letting his hands snake under your tank top while you ground into his crotch desperately.

You moved your hands to the back of his hair, tugging roughly, making him growl into your mouth deeply, a wicked giggle escaping you.

He pulled back from your kiss, as his beard started to burn your chin, a string of saliva tethering between you.

Before you could even process it, he’d moved to your neck, kissing and nipping at the easily accessible skin. His rough greying beard giving you slight friction burn as he paid attention to you. His hands had moved from your hips down to your ass, grabbing at the clothed flesh needily as you ground onto his growing hard on.

You gasped and panted as he nipped and sucked lower and lower until he made it to your cleavage, firmly putting his face between your breasts before planting sloppy kisses to both, his beard scruff just adding to the sensation.

It wasn’t long before he was pushing your tank top up, egging you to pull it over your head, which you had no problem doing.

His hands expertly found the clasp of your bra, undoing quickly.

I wonder how many times he’s done that? You thought to yourself as he helped you get it off.

You slung it behind the couch, somewhere near the stairs.

The look on his face was picture perfect and rightfully burned into your mind. He looked over your bare chest and torso with his mouth agape, his lips swollen and plump from the needy kiss you just shared.

His eyes travelled up your body to your face before you leaned down and pressed your lips to his, slipping your tongue in as you held his cheeks to keep him where he was.

He grabbed your hips and ground them down against him, his cock throbbing in the confines of his jeans.

You could feel a shiver up your back as he moaned into your mouth. You kept the rhythm he set going so that he could move his hands to your breasts, taking one in each of his hands. You gasped feeling him pinch your nipple, a dirty smirk playing at his lips as you pulled back from him a little.

_You shouldn’t be doing this._

You ignored the voice in the back of your head telling you that this was wrong. Reminding you of your current relationship. As selfish as it sounded. You didn’t want your current relationship. You wanted _him_.


	3. Coffee talk continued.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Smut_

You shook yourself out of thought, feeling Joel’s lips latch onto your left nipple, sucking and nipping at it gently, his tongue flicking over it every so often.

“Holy fuck Joel...” You breathed. Your hips grinding harder against him, earning a grunt and a buck of his hips against you.

You reached your arms between you to get to his belt without disturbing him. Melting evermore into his hands as he spoiled your chest with kisses and bites.

“No... marks...” You breathed your warning heavily, You could hide what you were doing but if there was any evidence then that’s a different story.

Joel couldn’t help but smirk against your skin, sucking some of it into his mouth before biting a little and sucking harder, trying to form a hickey as quickly as he could.

You gasped and gripped his hair pulling his head back, with a pop from his lips as his mouth left your boob.

He gave you an open mouthed grin. “What?” He asked, his voice full of lust and need.

“I’m warning you cowboy.” You growled. You could feel his cock twitching as you took charge, giving you an idea for another time.

He smirked lazily and pushed himself up to meet you in the middle for a kiss.

You pulled back and moved to straddle his right leg, unable to clearly get to his belt while fully on his lap.

Joel watched as you worked on his pants before bouncing his leg a little, earning a gasp from you. His smirk widened and he moved his hand to your hip, sitting your clothed cunt fully against his thigh.

“Joel what are you-oooOoohHhh~!” You moaned as he started to rock you back and forth on his thigh.

“You like that darlin’?” He purred, his voice sounding better than heaven right now.

You nodded and whined as he guided your hips to grind harder on his thigh. You gripped his belt for a second leaning your head forward onto his shoulder as you closed your eyes, Jesus Christ he was just grinding you on his leg, get yourself together.

You snapped out of it to a deep chuckle. “That nice?” He whispered into your ear. “Like grindin’ your needy little pussy on my thigh?” He asked, peppering your earlobe with kisses.

You nodded, taking more control of your hips now, sending sparks of electricity through your body.

“I’m gonna need more than a nod sweetheart.” He hummed, his hand lazily moving up and down your side and back.

“God-fuck yes Joel...” You panted, moving your hands back to his buckle, finally getting it open, you could have given yourself whiplash with how quickly you pulled it apart to get to the buttons and zip.

Joel patted your side and pushed you up onto your feet. “Get those off.” He said tugging a belt loop of your jeans. He watched you nod before you moved down to your boots to get them off first.

He looked down at his thigh and noticed the thin wet strip in the fabric of his jeans. “Well would you look at that.” He hummed, running his finger along it, watching as a thin layer of your slick coated his finger.

You turned and watched as you started to unbutton your jeans. Your cheeks burned hotter seeing the mess you’d started to make on him, earning a deep girthy chuckle from him.

“You don’t get to that point very often do ya?” He asked, a proud tinge in his words.

You shook your head as you watched him start to unbutton his own jeans. You both spent a minute getting your jeans off, delayed by the desperate kisses between each movement you both made.

Once you were down to nothing and Joel was down to just his shirt, you practically pounced at him, knocking him back onto the couch, the sound of your skin connecting, surprising you for a second.

He pulled you into a deep kiss, not as rough as the first one you shared but deep and full of passion, something you missed regularly.

_What about Derek?_

You growled and kissed Joel deeper, trying to push the voice away. You huffed into the others mouth as you started to unbutton his shirt, pushing it over his shoulders and letting him slide his arms out of it.

You reached between you both and trailed your finger down his throbbing cock that stood proudly against his stomach. A satisfied hum escaping your lips.

He was big, not that you were going to openly admit it to him. Joel was more girth than length but he was still winning on both fronts, _and he fucking knew it_. The minute you wrapped your hand around it he let out a heaven felt moan, his head pulling back from yours as he dropped it against the back of the couch.

You smirked and slowly started to pump him, gathering enough saliva on your tongue to spit onto it, the liquid coming into contact with the tip making Joel jolt a little.

You giggled before moving to trail wet kisses over his beard covered chin before trailing it over his neck, picking a spot low enough for you to suck a dark red love bite into.

“Oh so you get t-JEsuS” He started before you squeezed his cock and sped up your movements.

“You’re gonna fuckin’ pay for that.” He growled through gritted teeth as you worked his cock expertly in your hands.

“Oh yeah?” You purred. “What’re you gonna do to me big man?” You whispered nipping the bottom of his ear.

Considering Joel was getting on in years, he was still faster than you could’ve imagined, you gasped as you felt your back hit the soft fur covering the couch under you.

“You really wanna know what i’m gonna do to you?” He growled, his lips inches away from yours as he slowly ground his hips against yours, his cock sliding between your soaked pussy lips, coating himself nicely.

“Oh fuck...” You breathed, closing your eyes, trying to relish in the feeling. You gasped a little feeling Joel tap your jaw.

“Focus right here.” He ordered. Moving his hand to your throat to make you stay in place. “Right here.” He repeated as he towered over you.

“I’m gonna make sure, you never wanna take another cock, other than mine.” He growled, his voice going the deepest you’d ever heard it. “You understand me?” He asked.

You tried to nod, making him tighten his grip on your throat lightly as he teased your entrance with the tip of his cock. “Use your words.” He breathed, his own voice hitching as he slipped the tip in on accident, making you squirm trying to push it in further.

He kept himself still as his cock twitched eagerly. Waiting for you to speak.

“Yes... JoEL!” You gasped as he pushed in, fully sheathing himself inside you. Your legs shook gently from the adrenaline pumping through you as he gave you barely a split second to adjust to him before his hips snapped back and he started fucking you relentlessly.

You took a deep breath as he moved his hand from your throat, watching as he planted both of them on the arm of the couch behind you.

Joel Miller truly was a beautiful sight to behold, watching as his body moved fluidly and perfectly against yours, pushing himself to give you both the most pleasure that he possibly could.

You moved your hands up and over his shoulders, one of them tangling into his hair, the other scratching and gripping at his shoulder, feeling all of his scars lightly under your fingertips.

The room was full of the sounds of skin slapping against skin, primal grunts and groans, along side sinful moans and gasps. The music you’d put on not long ago had faded out as side one had finished playing. Leaving only the crackle of the fire and your noises to fill space.

You could feel that coil in your stomach tightening, a lot quicker than normal. The feeling of Joel pounding you into the cushions pushing you further, faster. That was only before he started using those magical fingers on your clit.

You gasped and arched your back towards him as he started rolling the sensitive bud between his fingers, his pace never faltering.

Now that you were into it, Joel had gone quiet, only noises coming from him, the occasional curse under his breath, maybe his brain had stopped working as much as yours had.

Or maybe he was putting everything into pleasuring you.

You moved your arms over your head, grabbing a hold of the couch between where his arms were originally.

“Holy shit Joel I-Ughn” You tried to speak but your mouth failed you as you could feel that familiar sensation forcing its way through you, pushing you to the brink.

He let out a chuckle that filthy that it would make a nun in a church sweat as he watched you completely unravel underneath him. “C’mon darlin’ show me just how much you like it.” He purred, pressing his thumb to your clit, sending you over entirely.

You gasped and gripped at the couch, pretty sure you ripped the seams a little as you pushed your body up, squeezing your eyes shut as Joel pressed down on your stomach, pushing you back into the position so that he could continue fucking your sensitive pussy.

“That’s it baby girl.” He grunted, forcing himself deeper as he got closer, the desperation starting to shine through his voice.

You shook under him, whining like the dirty mess you were under him. You could already feel orgasm no.2 making an appearance.

“Oh fuck- Oh fuck Joel! Up.” You tried to push him up, his grip proving hard to move.

After a moment or so you pushed him, forcing him back onto his ass, letting him hit his head against the other arm of the couch.

You were quick to get into his lap, watching as he waited for you to place yourself somewhere so that he could grab your hips. You panted as you grabbed his soaked shaft, slipping it easily back into your pussy, which happened to fit him just right. Like a puzzle that was missing one piece.

You moved your hands and placed them firmly on his sticky sweat covered chest. Before he could mutter a word you started bouncing. Hard. Slamming your hips down onto his like it was all you knew how to do.

He let out a guttural desperate moan as you pushed his cock into you with ease “Easy!- Holy sh-shit.” He panted, wiping some of his hair from his his forehead, watching as you worked yourself on him.

Joel planted his feet firmly against the couch as he started to buck up into you, his hand grabbing roughly at your thighs, hard enough that it was definitely gonna leave bruises.

You gasped and panted as you could feel yourself getting to the brink again, not being helped by the fact that each time you came down on him you would graze your clit against his pelvis.

Joel looked like he was about ready to cum, his bottom lip between his teeth, almost hard enough to draw blood.

You whined needily as you moved one of your hands down to your pussy, your forefinger and middle finger paying special attention to your clit. You watched as Joel’s gaze instantly found your hand, watching as you slid his cock in and out of you while playing yourself like a delicate instrument.

Joel’s thighs started to shake gently as he got ungodly close. “ _Fuckfuckfuck..._ ” He panted catching your attention, with a devious smirk.

“Want you to cum for me baby.” You purred, your voice smooth enough to soothe an angel even through your shakey breathes and panting.

Joel could feel himself being pushed closer, his cock aching to cum, he just needed one more push.

You grinned as you towered over him forcing him to look up at you. “Come on Joel.” You cooed. Your own orgasm forcing your walls to start tightening around him. “Cum with me.” You said your mouth dropped open just inches away from his.

You let out a drawn out moan as he bucked his hips up shoving his cock as deep as he could, pushing just the right button for you to come undone. You arched your back as you flung yourself up. Pushing him impossibly deep.

“Off. Off, I’m gonna-” Joel started before he knew it was too late. His eyes squeezed shut and he gasped letting out a low moan as he spent himself inside of you, filling you up to what felt like the brim.

You gasped feeling yourself be filled. Your eyes rolling back as you closed them. “Holy shit...” You practically squeaked.

You felt Joel’s body go limp beneath yours and before you could even get a say in it, you fell forward onto him too, earning a grunt and an ‘oof’ from him between breaths.

You adjusted yourself gradually as you settled into the gap between Joel and the back of the couch. You were mainly still laying on top of him but it was just a little to the right now.

Neither of you spoke as you came down, just thinking about what happened.

Your brain was muddled right now, you didn’t know what to do with yourself so you just laid cuddled into his arm a little.

That is what I would call a cock daze.


	4. Maybe the coffee talk wasn't such a good idea.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None._

After about 15 minutes, you’d both started to fall asleep, not on purpose, it was just that neither of you had the energy to move. That was until you could hear three loud knocks on the front door.

You gasped and almost pushed Joel off of the couch trying to get up. “Oh fuck off.” You panicked as you started to get dressed quickly.

“Y/n?” A familiar voice called through, the silhouette of a man stood by the fogged glass next to the actual door.

“Jus-Just gimme a minute!” You shouted as you watched Joel putting his own clothes on, His pace slower than your’s but still quick.

“You gotta go out the back.” You whispered as you grabbed his jacket for him. The warm material making you wanna keep it all to yourself.

You watched as he finished buttoning his shirt up, the deep dark hickey on the base of his neck showing perfectly where it was. You would be proud if you weren’t so panicked.

You growled at the knocking again. “Just a second!” You yelled out as you watched Joel move towards the back door. Slipping out almost silently without a word to you.

Which right now you didn’t have a problem with.

You slipped your hoodie on to cover your red bare chest that showed even though you were wearing a tank top.

Your skin was still flush and you still had his... y’know, in you. But you could deal with that in a second.

You sorted your hair out a little to try and make it look reasonable before you walked to the door, your feet brushing gently against the carpeted floor as you did so.

You swung the door open and Derek stared back at you as he leaned against the door frame. A look of worry washing over him at the sight of you.

“You alright?” He asked standing straight and putting his hands on your shoulders that were already starting to ache.

You nodded as he checked over you, “You’re boiling.” He said putting his cool hands on your cheeks.

 _Yeah I wonder why?_ You thought to yourself.

“I’m fine, really...” You tried to tell him, shakily grabbing his wrists to lower his hands.

You glanced behind him to see Joel walking down the street. Derek’s gaze being drawn towards him as well.

“Hey Joel.” He greeted as the man passed from ‘wherever he had been’.

Joel glanced up at him, pursing his lips and giving a nod before continuing on his way.

You couldn’t help but wanna talk to him, drag him back inside to sit with him... God fucking damn it, why do you insist on making things harder for yourself.

You were snapped out of it by Derek who was ushering you back inside out of the cold, closing the door behind him.

Joel looked back as he closed the door, a sharp twang in his chest warning him that he didn’t like that.

_You got no right to be jealous._

He shoved his hands into his pockets as he made his way home. The cloud 9 feeling of the sex being crushed down by what Joel knew was his real feelings. He clenched his jaw and walked quickly back to his house.

He walked in the front door and nearly jumped out of his skin seeing Ellie spread over the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her hand and the TV illuminating her face gently.

“Jesus Christ El.” He breathed, after having the shit scared out of him.

She turned her head from the TV still watching what was on it before dragging her look towards the older man. “You missed movie night.” She said with a mouthful.

Joel looked over to the clock on the wall.

**10:30pm!?**

“Jesus Ellie i’m sorry kiddo, I just- I completely lost track of time.” He babbled on at her.

“It’s whatever.” She brushed him off. “What were you even doing out so late?” She asked, putting the bowl down on the coffee table in front of her before bouncing up and wandering over.

“Nothin’ I was doin Nothin’.” He lied as she walked over, studying his dishevelled state.

“You’re a terrible liar.” She scoffed walking over to the kitchen to grab a drink.

He flung his arms out a little in semi defeat. “I went for a walk is that what you wanted to hear?” He said following her in. Watching as she moved around to get shit ready for it.

“You? Go for a walk?” She scoffed before starting to laugh. “Joel that’s the best joke you’ve made so far!” she said dramatically doubling over, slapping her knee before wiping her eyes.

“I’m serious!” He told her, his voice was a little hoarse from the previous activities but he tried to hide it the best he could. “I’ve been workin’ with Tommy all day, I needed some fresh air and space!” He argued.

It was true, he had been working with Tommy all day, and by the end of it, did need some fresh air, and that’s when he bumped into you.

Ellie looked like she was taking none of it. “Uhuh. Well old man, I think i’m gonna turn in for the night.” She announced as she walked over patting his shoulder. “Maybe you should too.” She told him, walking towards the back door.

“We can catch up on movie night tomorrow, and I get to pick because of your stunt today!” she called back as she closed the back door walking down to her place.

Joel sighed and turned the TV off in the living room before just heading upstairs, leaving the mess that Ellie left behind for him to deal with tomorrow. He was thoroughly exhausted.

He dragged himself up the stairs and to his room, kicking his boots off and shimmying out of all the clothes he could, moving to get something more comfortable on, before washing his hair roughly in the bucket in the bathroom, freshening himself up.

He flopped back into his bed and stared at the ceiling, The events of earlier replaying over and over again.

He managed to push it down, enough to let himself go to sleep, hopefully he’d feel numb enough tomorrow to prevent it making him feel any worse.

He let his eyes drift shut as they got heavy and a relaxed sigh fell from his lungs before completely passing out.


	5. Avoiding it wont make it go away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None._

It had been two weeks or so since the ‘coffee incident’ we’ll call it. You hadn’t seen a glimpse of Joel the entire time. You assumed you were both just spooked by Derek showing up afterwards.

But surely that would wear off after a few days right?

You’d made your excuses to your other half, You explained that you’d been feeling under the weather and that you thought you were sick. He believed it all, Being so warm yet still wearing a hoodie, the dishevelled look you had going on, Messy hair, hoarse voice. Made sense to him. You told him that he wouldn’t be able to stay around for a few days because you didn’t wanna get him sick but in reality you just really needed some space.

To gather your thoughts, to get yourself together.

Do you regret what you did with Joel? no. Because it made you realise what you actually wanted. Who you actually wanted.

Do you regret how it happened. Of course not. It just proved to you that, that’s how things can turn out.

Do you feel incredibly guilty about the Derek side of it and is it slowly eating you up inside? Yes. Oh fucking god yes.

You growled tiredly as you smashed the button that sat atop the old alarm clock next to your bed, not stopping until the relentless beeping did. You grumbled hearing the silence before turning over in the covers. Jumping at the yelp that poor old Deaky gave out as you rolled onto him.

You opened your eyes and watched as he bolted from the spot next to you, down to the bottom of the bed. "Sorry buddy..." You grumbled tiredly, rubbing your eye with your hand gently to try and get the sleep out. "But it was sorta your fault too." You said. _Y/n you're literally talking to a cat_. You shook your head and sat up more, leaning down to pet the soft animal. "You can't understand a word i'm saying can you?" You cooed, making the cat purr into your hand.

"And that's why I can tell you anything and everything, because you physically can't tell anyone." You hummed.

"You gotta stop talking to the cat like that." Derek announced himself from the doorway. 

You gasped and instinctively pulled the covers over yourself, even though you were wearing a shirt. "And you gotta stop coming in here without telling me." You told him as you climbed out of bed. "The door was locked how did you even get in?" You asked moving to find your cuffed combat pants.

He watched as you tiredly stumbled around your room in your underwear, taking in the sight. "Back door." He said simply, watching as you bent over. 

"Well thanks for the reminder." You grumbled as you grabbed the pants from under the bed. You gasped and jumped up at the cold hand touching your thigh. "Derek!" You yelped.

He looked at you before looking back down to your thighs. "You still got those bruises." He said softly. "I thought they'd be gone by now." He added as you pushed yourself away from him to get your pants on.

"Hm, so did I." You barely answered as you moved to change your shirt, Today's outfit was Combat pants, tucked into your military boots of course, a black shirt and your FEDRA jacket. "But you know that bruises can take weeks sometimes." You said as you pulled your boots on, almost falling over before he could hold you up. 

"Yeah I guess." He said rubbing your back gently. "Hey, I was thinking-"

"That's never a good thing." You butted in and he smacked your back playfully.

"Shut it." He scolded. "Anyway I was thinking maybe now that you're feeling better we could go on a date." He suggested. 

You stood up properly and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "A date?" You clarified, earning a nod from him. "What have you broken?" You asked as you walked around him to go downstairs, Derek's footsteps following suit.

"Nothing! Well, nothing of yours at least." He grinned. "I just, missed going out with you, since you've shut everyone out and retreated back to your hidey hole." He commented.

You scoffed as you walked to the kitchen, opening one of the windows for Deaky so that he could come and go as he pleased throughout the day. "Am I not allowed any time to myself?" You asked rummaging through the cabinets to find something for breakfast, deciding that the best you were going to get was a handful of granola. 

"You've never gone of the radar for more than 3 days." He pointed out. "Two weeks??" He added. "That's not like you."

You crunched the stale granola as you stared back at him, a look of disapproval on his judgement. "Look I just needed me time." You shrugged. "I don't see why that's such a big deal-" You started as you began walking to the front door, being cut off when he grabbed your arm and pulled you to his chest.

"It's not a big deal." He tried to promise you, his voice full of so much more than yours, like you didn't have the energy for the conversation that he had. "I just miss you, and I wanna take you out." 

You were silent for a second as you studied his features. His sharp shaven jaw reminding you just how much you like facial hair, his sandy blonde hair getting in his eyes at he stared at you with love. The charming young features of his face making it impossible to be angry at, even though you had no right to be anyway. 

You yanked yourself out of thought and looked at him with a sigh before pulling back, "I'm gonna be late for patrol... I'll see you later." You said moving to grab your jacket, pulling it over your shoulders and shoving your hands into your pockets as you walked quickly towards the stables.

Derek watched you as you left, his once hopeful smile fading to a saddened frown. He was worried. You'd completely shoved him away, not just him. Everyone. He'd even had Ellie come and ask what was up with you since you'd missed out on target practice with her a few times. 

He watched as you marched your way down the street, closing your front door behind him as he left for his own work today. 

-

You wandered into the stables to see Tommy already stood with a few others, all of them turning to you.

"You actually showed." He said with a supportive smile. You could always count on him to make you feel at ease, even though his smile made your guilt kick you in the gut once more, he and the older Miller shared many of the same features, that damn smile being one. 

_Stop thinking about him._ You scolded yourself.

"Yeah, sorry." Was all you said and he gave you a wave of his hand. Looking back down to the clipboard in his hand. 

"Your patrol today is with Ellie, Jesse and Dina." He said pointing to them all with his pen as he listed off the names.

You raised an eyebrow and looked at the group of excited 18 year olds. "You're putting me on babysitting duty?" You asked, the first real smile to grace your face in weeks popping up. 

You grunted as Ellie punched you in the arm. "Hey!" You said rubbing the burning sensation out of your muscle. 

"Oh c'mon you love working with us!" Dina beamed, as she tightened the bun neatly sitting on her head. All of them were in their winter gear, all sensibly dressed except for Ellie and those fucking sneakers. No matter what time of year. She was wearing them.

You looked over at her as she wriggled her eyebrows waiting for an answer. "You're right." You admitted quietly. 

Dina smiled brighter and punched Ellie in the arm. "See! We're god damn adorable!" She giggled. God you wish you had to go get 'em attitude that she did.

Tommy cleared his throat in hopes of dragging all of your attention to him. "Anyway..." He started, moving in and showing you the little pinned map under his checklist. "You're all going down to Cannibal Cove." He said pointing to the smaller side of the town just East of Jackson county. He lifted his gaze and let it flicker between them all. "Infected reported through the shoppin' district, specifically crowdin' the butchers." 

"Weren't we supposed to clear the butchers months ago?" You asked curiously, looking over Ellie's shoulder at the board, your hand gently placed on the other. 

He nodded. "Yup, we were, but since we had those folk comin' through we had no choice but to postpone it."

"Oh Y/n knows all about the folks that came through." Jesse grinned, his voice pulling her out of the staring match she was having with the paper in front of her.

"Don't you fucking start." You warned. Earning a giggle from Dina and a proud smile from Jesse after making the other girl laugh. 

Tommy sighed. "Whatever happened with them is in the past, if I keep you any longer Maria is gonna have my head on a pike, so do you know what y'all are doin' or not?" He asked rushing the process.

You nodded. "Yeah." You clarified for all of them. 

"Good now grab your horses, go get your weapons and get out. We need the supplies from the butchers if y'all wanna keep gettin' fed." He said making his way out of the stables. 

You watched as the younger Miller left, on his own little mission to get tasks around town complete. You shook your head before moving over to one of the horse boxes where a woman was pulling out a gorgeous black and white spotted appaloosa.

"Oh look who it is Arthur!" The woman cooed at the big boy of a horse. 

You sped up a little and patted the horse gently cooing at him yourself. "Oh its baby." You smiled. If there was one thing you missed it was this fucking horse, your baby. He could be a little hard work if you'd never ridden him before but once he was used to you, he was an absolute angel. 

"Thank's Em." You smiled as the woman gave you the reigns for you to walk him out. 

You saddled him up and met up with the others outside. 

"You got your guns?" You asked as you hopped onto the horse.

They all nodded in unison. "Your house is next." Ellie pointed out. 

You lived closer to the East gate so naturally you'd get your stuff last. You all rode calmly down the streets up until your house came into view. All of them getting off of their horses to follow. 

"You guys aren't babies, you don't have to come with me everywhere." You told them as you walked up to the door, swinging it open before stepping in, the trail of teenagers following.

"Uh we haven't been in here in AAAGGGGGEEEEESSSS." Dina said dramatically, leaning on Ellie, making the other grow red in the cheeks which she would definitely pin down to being the cold outside.

You moved around and grabbed your bag before putting it on the island counter in the kitchen. "Nothing's changed." You told them as you stopped dead in your tracks, seeing the small selection of flowers sitting in a mug on the counter. 

You scrunched your eyebrows looking over at it before taking the small note in your hands. 

> _"I shouldn't have asked about the date._
> 
> _I knew you weren't ready to be going back out._
> 
> _I'll swing by later with some_
> 
> _snacks and we can chill out._
> 
> _I love you. x"_

You crumpled the paper up before throwing it back onto the counter. Moving to take the flowers out of the mug, throwing the water down the sink before letting them sit dripping against the white marble counter. Which seemed to catch all of their attention as you grabbed a few things shoving them into your backpack before jogging upstairs to get your rifle.

Dina carefully walked over to the paper and uncrumpled it. Trying not to rip the now soggy paper.

"What's it say?" Jesse asked, leaning his palms on the clean counter, using one hand to take a look at the flowers.

"I shouldn't have asked about the date, I knew you weren't ready to be going back out. I'll swing by later with some snacks and we can chill out. I love you. With a kiss." She said looking up to the other two. Her eyes studying both of their reactions.

"Have they argued? She doesn't seem very thankful for the flowers." Jesse asked, plucking the stray leaves off of one of them.

"She hasn't been right for weeks."

"Makes two people in our lives." Ellie added, a hint of worry in her voice.

"Oh yeah, Joel's been grumpier than usual too." Dina acknowledged. 

"It's like theres a bug." Ellie shrugged.

"Did you ask him about the hickey?" Jesse hummed.

Ellie nodded. "Yeah, Get's real grumpy when I bring it up. Insists it's just a bruise." She said playing with a few petals while she sat on the island. 

"What from?" Dina prodded, making Ellie shrug dramatically. 

"Won't say. He's just insistent on the fact that it's a bruise not a hickey." She told them. 

They looked between each other for a second before Dina looked back down at the now smudged wet paper. "It's a shame, He deserves some happiness in that department." She admitted. 

Before they could continue, you came back down the stairs. "Sorry I couldn't find the fuckin' scope." You admitted, as you scanned the scene. "You guys done being nosey?" You huffed a little moving over to clean up the petals and leaves they left on the counter throwing it all into the sink. 

You gave them a glare which signalled them to leave the subject alone and to follow you out. Which they did, rather obediently for those three.


	6. Teenagers are the worst.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Infected attack,_

You closed your eyes briefly as you rode through the forest down the track towards Cannibal Cove. The only thing you could hear was the sound of hooves trampling into the snow and the trees crying out with each push of the wind. It was peaceful, but you were still alert. Infected could jump you from anywhere, or people could. Either way you had to have your guard up.

The entire ride down to the town was silent. Not by choice, you just couldn't hear each other as the wind blew past your ears. You were normally quick on your patrols and with your routes, doing anything to get back quickly and safely. Most that worked with you understood it, some didn't but you weren't one to argue with.

You pulled at the reigns as you got down to the marker of the fallen tree just outside of the town. 

"Finally." You could hear one of the teenagers sigh. Your ears still ringing from the wind, loud enough for the voices to meld together a little.

You slowly manoeuvred around the fallen log and set Arthur into a trot as you rode through the town.

"This place gives me the creeps." Dina huffed, riding up beside you.

"Why?" Ellie asked with a scoff.

"Because it's a ghost town. Full of spooky ghosts. OooOOoo" Jesse teased as he rode up next to her.

Dina scoffed hard and glared at him. "No, it's because the place is called Cannibal Cove for a reason." She told him. "God, to think that there were people who ate each other, this close to Jackson scares the hell out of me." 

You listened as they talked amongst themselves, taking about how they cleared the town out of Cannibals, knowing that it would be too dangerous to leave any behind or to accept them into Jackson. Either way they were going to die, whether it was from Jackson personnel or the countless diseases that they'd contracted or were in the middle of contracting from consuming human flesh. 

You were pulled out of thought as you reached the butchers, Ellie waving her hand in front of your face.

"Hellllooo?" She dragged out. "Earth to Y/n." 

"Huh? Sorry I was just... Nevermind, What?" You asked hitching Arthur near to the store but not too close. 

"We asked what the worst thing you did for FEDRA was." Dina piped up. 

You clenched your jaw and turned to them. Naturally they were stood in the order of tallest to smallest. Jesse being the tallest, Dina being the smallest. "What?" You asked with a little hint of anger to your voice.

The teenagers could see that their question might have stepped over the line but they tired to justify themselves. "We were just y'know, talking about how killing the cannibals was probably the worst thing they'd been around. Like human against human. We just wondered if your time in FEDRA had anything worse?" Ellie asked, stepping forward, if there was anyone you were gonna go easy on it was her. 

You could hear the faint noises of memories rushing through your ears for a split second before shaking it away, letting your shoulders sag as a sigh left your mouth.

"Let's just get this over with." You said ignoring the question. 

You'd split up into teams of two, Ellie and Dina, you and Jesse. Not that they seemed happy about it but you knew they could handle themselves and it would be quicker. You didn't fancy seeing any of them get sick from being exposed to this weather for too long. 

Jesse wandered into the Butchers first, his gun raised and his flashlight at the ready as he scanned the first room. You following in tow with your own gun out. 

You split off into different rooms after making sure this one was clear. You taking the back room and Jesse taking the one to the left, both of you still silent just in case anything was lurking. Which to your dismay, something was.

You stepped around countless hanging bags in the cold freezer room, hoping to god that there was nothing in them, although judging by the foul stench that wafted through. Something was. 

The door at the far end of the freezer gave you some comfort, knowing that there was more than one way in and one way out, just in case you needed to bolt.

You gasped and spun on your heels quickly as you heard something drop behind you, near the door. That's just fucking great. As soon as you picked your heart back up off the floor you called out to Jesse, hoping that he'd just been clumsy or had thrown something into the room you were in.

"Jesse?" You called out foolishly.

Your nerves calmed a little as nothing or no one popped out at you after your voice was raised. You sighed and turned your attention back to the other side of the room, only to see a stalker making its way quickly and quietly up the middle of the rows. Freezing for a moment like a deer caught in headlights as you shone your flashlight in its face.

"Oh fu-!" Before you could finish the sentence it had lunged at you, knocking you back against the cold hard floor, enough to earn a crack as your head hit it. You tried to ignore the dizzying feeling as you felt your gun and flashlight slip out of your grip, sliding across the floor.

"Jesse!" You panicked as you tried to fight the thing off. As strong as you were, this stalker who'd been brewing in here for probably nearly a year or so, was about 6ft and had the clear advantage on you, considering your light was faced away and now all you could see was the gentle glowing of the spores attached to the creatures cranium. Your gun nowhere to be seen. 

"JESSE!!" You yelled louder your voice cracking half way through, panic really starting to set in as you could hear him scrambling from one side of the butchers to the other. 

That things teeth were getting way too close to your neck for comfort, the constant wheezing and foaming as it nashed rapidly in your direction, it's warmed breathing showing through the ice cold air, causing you to put up a harder fight. 

That was when you could hear Jesse's strained voice. "Oh shit!" was all you heard before a loud BANG, the noise bouncing around the sound proofed freezer until it eventually faded out. 

You grunted feeling the dead weight of the stalker flop onto you, your ears ringing from the bang of the gun causing you to squeeze your eyes shut, too shocked and a exhausted to move it off. You laid there for a moment, with it's blood seeping into your shirt and over your neck and chest before you shoved it off. Collapsing back into your space. 

"I... Fucking... Hate... STALKERS!" You growled through frustration.

"You're alright." Jesse commented as he moved around you and held his hand out. Grunting as you took it and pulled yourself up. "At least I hope you're alright, I don't fancy explaining to the others why would wouldn't be." 

You held onto his hand for a moment, trying not to fall back over as the room spun around you quickly. That bonk to the head seeming to do just a little more damage than you were hoping, the most likely conclusion was a concussion but you weren't gonna mention that to the poor kid.

"Thanks Jesse I-" Before you could finish your thank you Ellie and Dina had sprinted in, Their guns in hand ready for what seemed like anything.

"What the fuck happened?" Ellie panted as she pushed her way through the bags towards you. Dina stuck behind a little, covering her nose at the smell of the corpses and to make sure that nothing ambushed them through the door. 

"Fucking stalker." You breathed as you slowly let go of Jesse, moving to pick up your flashlight and gun, making sure that they weren't completely useless, sure the flashlight now had a big crack down the middle but you could deal with that. "Maria's gonna kill me." You mumbled as you practically stared into the light to look at the damage. This was your second flashlight this month and that's the second too many for Maria's liking. 

"I think she'll understand." Jesse tried to tell you before they all started to move out of the incredibly cold freezer.

You decided that it was best if you stuck together after that, explaining to them that the bang of the gun might alert more infected if not a few stragglers of people. 

After about ten more minutes of searching and putting sharp butcher tools carefully into your backpack Jesse decided to speak up.

"So what's been going on with you and Derek lately?" He asked as he tossed an old broken boning knife to the floor, earning a sharp disapproving look from the two female counterparts that were spread around the storefront. 

"What do you mean?" You asked, your voice sounding a little on edge and mumbled as you flicked through an ' _anatomy of animals_ ' book. Deciding that you were gonna keep it for your own personal collection of books, knowing that it might come in handy when making dinner and such. 

"You've been distant with him recently-"

"I've been distant with everyone recently." You countered without even letting him finish his sentence. Making them all instantly suspicious.

"Yeah but you've specifically been like it with him. I mean he gave you apology flowers for asking-" He started again.

"Look am I not allowed to distance myself?! Am I- Am I not allowed to be on my own? Because I needed it. Nothings wrong with Derek, he's fine!" You snapped, guilt lacing each and every one of your words. 

"For gods sake! Just- Just stay out of what you don't understand!" You huffed as you balled your hands into fists. Frustration pulling unfairly at your other emotions. 

They all just gawked at you for a moment, not knowing what to say. You'd never snap at people like that, especially them. You normally had this cool, calm and collected Medic demeanour. Showing just how much stress you could handle. 

You took a deep breath and stormed out of the Butchers. "I'm gonna check out the gardening centre. Go log in over at the Game Stop and meet me back here once you're done." You ordered. 

"You shouldn't go alone-"

"I'm going on my own." You growled back at Ellie before leaving to march through the snow.

-

You scraped some of the frost from the glass of the gardening centre to take a quick glance around, to make sure that there was nothing gonna jump out at you. Which you were on high alert this time.

You tried the door but grunted as it seemed to be frozen shut. "I don't have time for this." You said covering your hand with your jacket before holding your pistol by the barrel and smashing it into the glass of the window repeatedly, waiting until it finally shattered, falling all over the floor. 

The three teenagers turned to watch you aggressively beat the shit out of the glass before stepping through the mess of a window frame. "Somethin' aint right." Jesse sighed.

"You're telling me." Ellie groaned. 

"She's never snapped like that at us before." Dina added. 

Jesse moved to grab the ladder from the side of the Game Stop. Pulling it out and placing it against the side of the building before ushering the girls up it. "It was kinda terrifying." He admitted.

"You shouldn't have pushed her." Ellie said over the creaking of the ladder steps as she pulled herself up behind Dina, Jesse following behind them.

"I didn't exactly push her, I just asked her a few-"

"You could see that it's sensitive Jesse." Ellie argued as she held her hand out to pull him up. 

Dina looked surprised at Ellie's comeback to it. She put a gentle hand on the small of the others back and looked at her. "You alright?" She asked. 

Ellie looked between her two closest friends as they stared back with concern. "Joel's been just as aggravated as her. I just- I don't know what's going on with either of them." She admitted as she walked towards the sky door, pulling the bricks from the plank of wood covering it before pulling the entire thing away.

"You think that they've argued with each other?" Jesse suggested. "I mean they get along pretty well normally and-"

"They haven't been on patrol or anything together for weeks, how could they have argued within that time?" Dina questioned. 

"I don't think it's between them. " Ellie admitted as she shone her flashlight down into the opening in the roof, just to make sure, before she lowered herself down.

Jesse and Dina looked at each other, before both following her into the building. 

You on the other hand were wandering around the gardening centre in silence, picking up a few unopened seed packets, even though they were probably useless at this point, you could still try.

You jumped a little as you wandered past a dirty grimy old mirror that had stupid little cartoon flowers painted over it. An old 'for sale!' sign welded to the glass sticking out over the rest of it.

You couldn't help but just stare at yourself. Letting your guard down entirely. You seemed to get lost in inspecting your own body, from your facial features down to your boots. A gasp left your lips when you looked back up to see Joel's reflection as he stood behind your's. 

You swung yourself around to see him but... 

There was no one there.

Your heart sunk into your chest as you turned back to the mirror, the only thing behind you being the broken down store in the background. You gave yourself a glare harsh enough to kill before pointing accusingly at yourself. "You're a fucking bitch." You huffed before moving around to grab a few more things.

"What is wrong with you?" You mumbled as you rubbed your face. _It was a one time thing. Clearly he doesn't wanna see you again. Maybe you should focus on fixing your relationship with..._ Your thought trailed off.

You stopped and stared at the wall. Did you just feel that in your chest? You blinked a few times. Pain. That was a twinge of pain. You didn't even get to your boyfriends name but why on earth was it hurting you.

You knew why. You didn't wanna admit it. But you knew. 

The harsh wind outside pulled you out of thought as it whistled through the smashed window, signalling you that it was time to go. 

-

After meeting back up with the others you all started to ride back. Silently. Not a word uttered between any of you. A few glances were shared between the teens as you got closer to Jackson. The wind and snow starting to calm down a little. 

"Soo..." Jesse's familiar 'i'm about to start bugging you' voice trailed off. "You talked to Joel recently?" As asked as you took a sip from your water canteen, making you choke and splutter as you spilled the cold water over yourself.

You coughed a few times trying to play it off as just accidentally choking before looking at him, wiping your mouth with your sleeve. "What?" 

"You talked to Joel recently?" He repeated, seeming to note your little choking episode but not thinking too much of it. 

You scoffed "No. What part of 'Distancing myself' don't you guys seem to understand?" You asked.

"The 'distancing myself' part." Ellie teased, as you were brought back up to the gates. 

You looked up into one of the guard towers to tell them to open up when your gaze caught Joel's. 

He was on watch? Since when did he take watch?

You could feel his eyes burning into yours as you called up. 

"Open up!" You huffed. "It's fucking freezing out here." You grumbled, quickly averting your gaze.

The horses were pulled to a stop before the huge gates as they slowly opened, due to the weather affecting the cogs and mechanisms. 

As soon as they were open enough you reared Arthur into a run. Wanting to get away from the outside world as fast as you could, and maybe you were subconsciously trying to avoid the older Miller.

The teenagers all grinned between themselves getting the chance to run through Jackson on the horses. All of them kneading the horses into a sprint after you. 

Joel watched from the tower as the kids followed you in. 

"You hold that thing any tighter you're gonna dent the metal." Derek told him through a chuckle, making him tense hard as he looked down to his rifle, his knuckles white as he gripped the shaft of it. 

Joel forced a scoff out before moving along the wall to a different tower. Trying to avoid being around Derek as much as he could, not out of guilt. Joel Miller didn't feel guilty for most things in life and he sure as hell wasn't gonna start with Derek. It was something else.

Would he call it jealousy?

No.

Was it Jealousy? 

Yes.


	7. Thanks for the concern.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Minor Blood and Injury,_

After you'd gotten Arthur back to the Stables, you decided to head home for a few hours. You knew you needed to get back out and start socialising again but Christ it seemed like more hard work than you were willing to put in.

You'd said thank you to the teenagers and apologised for snapping at them, and they threw you a quick. 'You owe us' Which normally entailed baking for them, or joining them for a game night of some sorts, whether it was video games or board games. Or both, baking and then game night. You didn't mind you liked spending time with them. 

You walked into your house, greeted by Deaky who'd fallen asleep, sprawled over some of your shoes by the door. 

"Hey baby." You hummed as he stretched out of his tired state against your leg, egging you to pick him up and cradle him like an actual baby. You'd never met such an affectionate cat. In all your years travelling through America you'd never really see cats, maybe they were just far and few, or they'd reverted back to their primal ways. You knew how that felt. 

But Little Deaky here seemed to prefer being domesticated. 

You walked to the kitchen and stared down at the picked at flowers, a few being knocked onto the floor. "Did you do that?" You mumbled, eyeing the cat that snuggled into the crook of your arm even deeper. 

"I bet you did..." You trailed off, crouching down to pick up the plants before throwing them out the window. It was a nice gesture of Derek, It really was. And you knew it came from a good place, but everything he was doing seemed to aggravate you. The cute little 'hellos' or bringing you things, coming over between jobs to make sure that you were okay. 

God why couldn't he just be an asshole!!

But he wasn't, you knew deep down that you wanted him to be horrible, to give you some sort of relief about cheating on him. 

You stretched to put Deaky down and winced, dropping him at about knee height, as you flung yourself back into your standing position. 

You looked at your left arm to try and source the pain but you could only see your jacket, it wasn't ripped there were no tears where things could have gotten you. 

You shrugged it off and threw it down onto the counter to see that your arm was covered in blood. "What the fuck?" You whispered as you moved to the sink to try and wash it off. Where had all of it come from? 

It wasn't long after splashing water against it that you found the culprit. A slice across your upper arm causing the blood. You sighed before moving to look for a med kit under the sink. Pulling the small dirtied red box out and placing it on the side before moving to grab a towel, dabbing the watered down blood away from the area so that you could start working on it.

You needed stitches, you still had no clue from what but you needed them. Which you made quick work of. Throwing some disinfectant over it before quickly suturing the wound, you needed to bathe yourself anyway so you decided to wait to wrap a bandage around it. 

You moved over to your jacket knowing that you now needed to get the blood out of the arm. You glanced inside the dark sleeve to see if there was anything that could explain the cut and what do you know, there was a shard of metal jammed into it.

Your eyebrows knotted together confused as you reached in, to carefully pull it out, moving back to the sink to wash it off. There was a glimpse of writing that you could just make out. 

> *Unintelligible*-ason and sons
> 
> *Unintelligible*-utchers

You squinted as you tried to read it before catching on. "Ohhh Mason and sons Butchers." You mumbled. You must have gotten it caught somehow when you were thrown to the floor by that fucking lump of a stalker. 

Your shoulders and back ached just thinking of it, You definitely had some bruises coming along if they weren't already there, but you didn't care about that right now. 

You threw your jacket into the basket by the laundry room before making your way upstairs, stripping out of your clothes and walking to the bathroom, heating up some water to start cleaning yourself with. 

You stared at your naked form in the mirror above the sink and sighed, You were right about the bruises, They weren't just striding down your back, but that thing had dug his claws where ever it could. You leaned closer to the mirror, taking a closer look at your face and upper torso. Making faces at yourself as you did so. You weren't one to care for your appearance, Not openly at least. But seeing the abuse your body had taken over the years, through scars or burns or any other form of mark, even through memories, made your chest tight. You didn't like it. 

You couldn't help but slide your hand over your throat slowly, holding it in the place that Joel held his, making your breath hitch in your throat as you barely put any pressure against it. It's weird, when you were with him, you forgot about everything. Any worry clouding your mind was thoroughly beaten by him. Any shame in yourself, gone. You felt nothing but incredible. 

Your jaw tightened and your body tensed as you came back to reality. The water on the little heater steaming gently before you grabbed a clean rag, dragging it over your skin with a little soap to get yourself cleaned up.

Afterwards you felt much better, you'd gotten to wash your hair as well as every nook and cranny on your body. You got back into your combat pants before finding a clean white tank top to put on over it, being careful of the stitching on your arm. 

You grabbed a woolly coat from your closet before taking it downstairs and moving to grab the bandages from the island counter so that you could start to wrap them around your arm neatly. You finished up and put everything back before you slung your coat around your shoulders, moving towards the door and heading out.

You made a B-line for Seth's, needing a drink more than anything right now, and hopefully it would be a gentle stroll back into social normality.

You walked through the saloon type doors, seeing a few eyes dart in your direction.

You took a deep breath and wandered over to the bar, smiling sheepishly at Seth as he wiped down a few glasses. 

"What can I get for you Y/n?" He asked gently.

"What d'ya got?" You breathed quietly as you took off your jacket, the stuffy atmosphere of the room making you feel a little claustrophobic, or it was just anxiety. Either way it didn't feel too good. Now you realised your mistake of wearing a tank top. Not only did it leave not much to the imagination but everyone could see the bruises forming on you. Which had darkened considerably since earlier. 

Seth looked over the ones he could see, also seeing the blood seeping through the bandage a little. "I think I have something that'll make you feel better." He said as he turned around with a thin smile as he rummaged through a few bottles. 

You tapped your fingers against the bar anxiously as you flashed a few people some smiles. You gasped feeling a hand against your back that you really weren't expecting. 

"Man, that Stalker got you good huh?" Ellie's sweet comforting voice chimed, as she looked over your back, holding your shoulders in place so that she could get a look. "Nice bra." She said pulling the slightly exposed strap to the rather lacy black bra you were sporting, letting it slap back against your skin. 

You glared at her before punching her in the arm. "Behave yourself." You scolded with a small smile gracing your face, making her smile in return, hoping that you were slowly going back to your normal self. "And yes, he did 'got me good'." You mocked her as Seth put a glass in front of you. 

You thanked him before turning your back to the bar and leaning against it, sipping whatever was in the cup. Whatever it was, it was strong, and thick. It coated the back of your throat with a nice warming sensation. Calming your nerves lightly. 

"So you think you'll actually talk to someone who isn't me tonight?" She teased, nursing her own drink. 

You absentmindedly scanned your surroundings, Glancing over everyones faces that you could see so far. "Probably not." You grinned at her. That was before you could hear your name being called from somewhere.

"Y/n!" Maria called out, waving you over to her, Tommy and-

Ah fuck. 

Ellie pushed you forward and forced you to start walking. "She probably wants to talk about patrol." She said quietly. 

"What about it? We signed in and everything right?" You asked, sending Maria a smile as you talked to Ellie. 

"That i'm aware of yeah. Probably about the Butchers. Who knows." The younger girl shrugged, following and standing next to you as you stood into the small circle. 

Before you could mutter an 'i'm sorry' for whatever she was gonna pin as your fault she patted your shoulder gently. "Well done for coming out today. I didn't wanna have to come drag you out by your hair." 

"You still gotta make up for the time that ya missed but you should be fine." Tommy smiled as he stood next to his brother. 

An unexpected smile grew on your face. Jesus you were not expecting that reaction. It actually made you miss coming here. Talking to all of them. You were slowly starting to push everything down to the back of your mind as your friends made you feel better.

"What happened?" Joel asked, reaching out mindlessly to grab your wrist, taking a look at your arm. 

Your voice caught in your throat as his cold calloused hand held your arm gently. Something you wouldn't expect him to be able to do with the strength he held in those things. 

Everyone looked a little taken aback as he looked at your bandages. A glimpse of worry catching in his eyes, before he quickly blinked it away. Their attention was all turned to you, including Ellie since she hadn't seen the blood before hand. 

You sorta froze, yours and Joel's gaze locked for a moment before forcing yourself out of it. "Oh uh... A stalker ambushed me at the Butchers." You started. 

Joel's grip tightened a little, subconsciously you suspected. 

"A shard of metal got caught in my jacket and cut the shit into me." You explained. "I only noticed myself when I got back home, I think the adrenaline kicked in." You said softly.

"You went to the Butchers on your own?" Joel started to scold.

"No no no. Jesse was with me, Ellie and Dina we're checking out a place across the street, I just- I got spooked and it leapt out." You admitted. "I was checking out the back, he was checking out the front, It was my fault." You told him. Seemingly forgetting that there were people around you.

Joel's eyes wandered over your face as you talked, stopping at your lips, something tightening in his stomach each time he looked at them. He was snapped out of it when Maria started talking to you, His gaze moving to his brother who was watching him with a growing smile and a rather interested look in his face. 

He dropped his hand from your wrist letting your arm fall against you, making you hiss out a little since you weren't expecting it. 

You looked up at him with a glare in your eye to which he just raised his eyebrow at you. Distancing himself once more. 

The four of you continued to talk for a while, Ellie ditched half way through to go with Dina some place but you stuck around, actually enjoying the conversation. Even though it was mainly just you, Tommy and Maria. Joel sticking to himself. 

After a while you felt a smooth sensation wrap around your waist as Derek slid up next to you. "There you are." He beamed. 

You closed your eyes for a second and sucked in a breath, His touch not seeming to do much to you these days. "Hey." You greeted throwing him a simple smile. 

In the corner of your eye, you could see Joel's body tense, his whole demeanour becoming a little more stiff and threatening, and it seemed that you weren't the only one to realise. The younger Miller catching on as well. 

You didn't dare make eye contact with Tommy as he looked towards you. His gaze flickering from you to his brother, before following Joel's eyes down to where Derek was holding your hip. He kept his thoughts to himself as he tried to study the situation further, while Maria talked with Derek. 

You leaned lazily against Derek's side as he took part in the conversation, now forcing Joel to go completely quiet. Which was a general bummer since you could listen to him talk all day. 

After a while you noticed Joel pat Tommy's side before giving a nod and leaving all together. Without even saying goodbye to you, which was rather annoying. But you knew that now was the chance to go talk to him. 

You gave it a minute or so before patting Derek's stomach as you lifted yourself up. "I'll be back in a sec I gotta pee." You lied. 

He nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead as you started to walk away, not even thinking twice about it before he turned back around. You walked out into the cold brisk air, holding your coat foolishly instead of putting it back on, peering your head up to look around to see if you could see Joel. 

It didn't take you long to recognise him walking down a darker road towards his place, to which you set off in a jog to catch up. 

Once you were further away from the bar you called out for him. "Joel!" You said through breaths as you jogged.

He tilted his head to the side and shoved his hands further into his pockets before turning around fully, stopping in his tracks. 

You smiled a little as he listened to you before picking up speed to catch up. Following his foot prints in the snow, which were bigger than yours naturally. 

He watched you as you came practically bounding towards him, something he wish he got to see more often. Although he thought that it was stupid of you not to wear your jacket, he couldn't help but be thankful of the view it was giving him while you ran. 

He was snapped out of it when he noticed you stumble a little and slip on the ice as you got to him. Instinct kicked in as he launched himself forward to meet you in the middle, catching you in his arms before you could completely face plant into the icy ground beneath. "I gotcha." He mumbled, low enough for only the both of you to hear but with a comforting undertone. 

You grunted as you fell into his chest with his arms wrapped around you, slowly trying to get your feet to stop slipping around as your legs felt a little like jelly.

You stood up straight but didn't let go of him, nor did he let go of you. After a second of getting yourself together you looked up at him. Your mind immediately melting again as you saw him staring back at you. 

You gulped softly as your gaze flickered down to his lips, watching as he stuck his tongue out to wet them briefly. "I uh, I just wanted to talk to you." You practically whispered. 

"Yeah?" He whispered back, your faces getting closer

 _You're in public!_ Your common sense reminded you.

You blinked out of it and nodded, barely pushing your hands against his chest to get off, your whole body fighting your brain on the matter. "Uh, yeah." You cleared your throat, seeming to knock you both out of the daze you were in.

Joel sighed and looked at you. "Well c'mon then." He said bending down with that signature old man grunt as he grabbed your coat. "And put this on before y'get frost bite." He said as he shook the snow off of it and threw it over your shoulders, careful as to not disturb your wound. 

You could melt at the kind gesture before you slipped your arms into it and zipped it up. "Thanks." You said as you both started walking.

Well.

You didn't think you were going to get this far. 

You just sorta thought he'd tell you no and send you home.

It took you a few seconds of silence to buck up the courage to speak. A gentle anxiety filled sigh coming out before you did so. "Thanks." Was all you said.

"Pardon?" He asked, his accent running thick through the single word.

"Thanks. You know, thanks for the concern." You said awkwardly as you motioned to your arm.

Joel's eyes flickered to your arm before back up to you as you looked around the moon lit street. Watching as the gentle light from the sky lit up your face down the middle, accentuating every perfect bump or dip along your skin. He clenched his fists in his coat as he wondered what it would be like to just, trace his fingers gently across your jaw. He shook the thought out of his head before turning to look back at the road in front of them.

"Don' mention it." He sighed. "Just- Be more careful next time." He added.

You smiled softly as you looked up at the moon. "Yes sir." You teased looking over at him. Your smile making him raise an eyebrow. Before you fell back into another silence, this one was more anxious though.

"You ain't been on patrol in a while." He prodded, hoping to take the tension out of the air as you walked mindlessly in the direction of his house. 

"Yeah..." 

"... You alright?" He asked, his gaze not reaching yours.

"Yeah of course, why wouldn't I be?" You questioned.

"You just disappeared for a while is all." He shrugged. "You been feelin' okay? Not bein' sick or nothin'?"

"I'm not pregnant, if that's what you're asking." You said with a humoured hint to your voice along with the smile to match. 

God you couldn't imagine carrying his kid, He'd probably have adorable kids, You could just imagine them with those soft yet luminous hazel eyes, a head full of poofy mousse coloured hair that was the spit of their dads. At his age you'd think he had biological kids. Maybe he did, that he just didn't know about, flings and what not. It's not like he's gonna be racing to keep touch with anyone he's done stuff with. You were the prime example right now.

"I'm guessing you definitely don't wanna do patrol with me now." You grumbled a little, the embarrassment taking control of your voice. 

You looked over to Joel to see him clenching and unclenching his jaw, as if to try and find the right words to say, without completely insulting you. That was your theory anyway. That he was gonna let you down slowly. Well Slowly is never really slowly with Joel, he was more of a 'straight to the point' kinda guy, which is why this situation frustrated you further. 

"I've had some time to think about it..." He admitted, catching your attention once again. "I don't exactly got a choice with patrol, as much as I act like I do." He told you. "I'm not gonna try t'avoid you, but I aint gonna turn into some excited ol' pooch who'll run up and lick yer face whenever I see you." Strange way of putting it Joel, it really was. 

You furrowed your brows. That doesn't clear anything. 

"What happened, happened. We can't change that, and I wouldn't if I could." He told you letting the last part slip. "But. You got y'self a man. A man your own age, who loves you." He started, his throat tightening as he chose his words carefully. "Don't let me come between that..." He instructed.

You could feel your frown deepen with each sentence passing. Your heart dropping into your stomach more and more. You could see his own facial expression dim as he tried to let you down. 

"Right." You croaked out. Your emotions feeling like they were about to shatter. 

Joel squeezed his eyes shut hearing the strain in your voice. Why was this so god damn hard to do?! He could feel your normal energy die down to barely anything as you slunk your way through the snow. "Jus'... Try not to let it get to you." He sighed.

You scoffed sourly. "Maybe you should have thought about that before our coffee talk." You growled, once again unfairly. Before storming off. Straight past his house towards yours. Accidentally bumping into Ellie and Dina on the way there.

Ellie was taken back a little by the force of your shoulders colliding carefully. "Whoa Y/n-"

"Leave me alone." You warned as you continued to storm past. Both of them turning to watch you, before swinging around to see Joel walking towards them. A sour look on his face and a bitter taste on his tongue.

Ellie sighed. "Joel what'd you do?"


	8. Tommy Miller is the devil reincarnated.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None._

Over the next month you'd tried to forget about it. Tried to forget about him. But as your luck would have it, you were on Patrol more. Much more. Probably working over the time you took off. Which was completely understandable and not the problem. What was the problem was that you were with Joel for 80% of those Patrols. 

You weren't even trying to hide your 'negative' feeling with him. Not that you'd tell anyone why. People pried, mainly Ellie, Maria and Dina but you'd always brush it off with a 'It's nothing' or 'Not important.' 

They'd even tried to get Joel to talk, but you all know that, that's even less likely than you talking. 

Whoever was in charge of Patrol listings must have some sort of personal vendetta against you at this point. This was your 3rd patrol with him this week. 

You sulked as you put on your boots where you sat at the door, being rather noisy about it too, stomping them on the floor to get your foot in properly all because you didn't wanna undo the laces.

Were you making things harder for yourself? Sure.

Was that gonna stop your little episode? Definitely not.

You stopped mid struggle to look over at Deaky who seemed to be judging you heavily as he sat on a little side table, his tail swaying gently over the side. 

You leaned over to him quietly and gently, watching as his eyes followed you carefully. 

"Don't you fucking judge me." You whispered as he sniffed closer to you, butting his head against your nose. "I'll take you out pal." You continued to whisper into the felines fur as he purred against you.

"You really gotta stop talking to the cat like that." Derek chuckled as he came downstairs in his boxers. For the first time in about two months you and him had sex last night. It was alright, it could have been better. But you weren't gonna knock it since you needed to get rid of the energy yourself. 

You looked up at him as Deaky jumped off the table and trotted over, rubbing himself against his leg a little. "Look you didn't hear the shit he was saying." You argued, trying to put yourself in a better mood. 

"Oh so he's talking back now?" He grinned a charming grin as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Y'know, sometimes I think you love that cat more than you love me." He teased as he watched you stand up to grab your FEDRA jacket.

"Um, that's because I most definitely love that cat more than I love you." You grinned back, shoving your eyebrows up at him as you put your jacket on, zipping it up lightly, before he grabbed you by the pockets pulling you flush to his chest.

"Hm. Well what am I gonna have to do to change that?" He asked, his voice dropping a few octaves as he spoke.

_Grow to about 6ft, get dark brown hair along with the gorgeous brown eyes to match, double in age-_

You ignored the voice in the back of your head, who never seemed to be on your team, When you were with Joel it always told you to think about Derek and how you should love him, and when you were with Derek it always told you about how good Joel was and how you probably did love him. You seemed to be in this lose-lose situation here.

"Fight him to the death." You mumbled against his lips before pressing a sweet kiss to them. 

He chuckled and moved to wrap his arms around you, pinning you to him as you kissed. After a few seconds lost in the moment you patted his chest to back him off. 

"Jesus you are disgustingly cuddly after sex." You teased. 

"All because of you." He said with a smile. 

You stared at him for a second as you started to open the door. A grin forming on your face as you started to wretch and make fake over dramatic gagging sounds. 

He let out a laugh before shoving you out the door. "Alright I get it I get it." He told you. "I'll see you after patrol yeah?" He asked as you walked down the steps.

"Uhhhh probably not i'm going over Ellie's for game night." You told him, a charge of excitement in your voice. "You know the deal just leave the key out the back." You said before waving goodbye and making your way to the stables. 

You walked in and rubbed your hands together, you'd already come out of winter and Spring wasn't as welcoming as you'd like it to be, It was rainy. Really really rainy. But you couldn't complain, it was just gonna help you stock up on water. 

You flashed Tommy an unexpected smile as you watched him wander in. "Morning Tommy. I thought you were on farm duty today?" You asked as you moved to get Arthur out yourself. 

"Was 'sposed to be but the opportunity came up last night for patrol and I leaped." He told you moving to the black stallion next to Arthur. "I think we're gonna take you out today pumpkin." He mumbled to the horse as he started to get everything ready.

"Joel should be here any minute." He added.

You rolled your eyes. "Oh goodie." You said with the most sarcasm you could fit into one sentence. 

"C'mon he ain't that bad." He tried to defend. 

You looked over the horse box wall at him and raised an eyebrow. "You aren't the one angry at him." You told him.

"Well if you'd just tell me why you're angry then maybe I could join in and be 'part of the club too." He shot back. A playful grin wiping his face.

"You're an ass." Was all you said as you brought Arthur out carefully. Rubbing over the branded area on his backside. 

_***Earlier that morning.*** _

Joel snored gently as he slept, his head turned to the left with his arms sprawled out, one under his pillows the other on his t-shirt. 

_"Make me!" You snapped back._

Joel grunted gently as he shifted, his hips rolling lightly against the heavy winter covers on top of his body.

Images of you climbing needily into his lap danced through his dreams, The sound of your moans filling his ears like the harmony that they were. The ghosting feeling of your lips on his as he dreamt.

_“Holy fuck Joel...” You breathed. Your hips grinding harder against him._

Joel panted as his morning wood throbbed, any touch of the sheets or his boxers against it making him hum quietly as he slept.

_“You like that darlin’?”_

_“God-fuck yes Joel...”_

The sounds of his alarm bled into the dream as he thrusted his cock into you, over and over again. The thumping of his hips against yours matching the beeping of the clock.

_“Off. Off, I’m gonna-”_

Before he could finish he was jolted awake by the more aggressive tone on the clock, essentially telling him he was gonna be late. He smashed his hand down onto it heavily until it stopped crying out at him. 

He leaned back against the pillows, his head hitting them with a deep aggravated sigh. 

Again.

He'd been dreaming about you again. 

He tilted his head down and pulled the covers up a little to see if he was actually hard, or if he'd just dreamt it. He was rock hard. His cock twitching lightly under his briefs as it ached to be dealt with. 

Unluckily for him, he didn't exactly have the time to rub one out. Considering he was supposed to be at the Stables in 5 minutes to meet Tommy and you. 

He stood up tiredly and wandered to the bathroom to sort his wood out. He was just gonna have to piss it out and deal with blue balls all day. 

He quickly got into his clothes and sorted his backpack out before wandering to the door. A foul mood setting in him already, from the dream. 

Let me make it clear, it wasn't the dream's fault, It was yours. Joel was more than willing to pin this on you because he can't deal and or control his own feelings, so he shoved them deep deep down until they got to the point of only appearing when he physically had no control.

Sounds about right for Joel Miller. 

He didn't even bother to do his coat up tightly as he walked through the rain towards the stables, the cold water droplets cooling him down and cleaning through his sweaty, dirty hair. 

_***Back to now.*** _

Joel stepped into the stables without a word, His hair was dripping as he shook it out before wiping down his clothes. His face glistened gently under the lighting from the room as he wiped the rain from it. His cheeks were red raw from where the rain had landed and the wind had blown, his lips parted gently as he panted a little from trying to rush here.

"You're late." Tommy spoke, breaking you out of your daydreaming. 

"Slept late." Joel told him, barely giving either of you the time of day as he moved to the Morgan horse down the rear end of the stables, carefully leading her out of her box and saddling her up.

You couldn't help but watch him from over Arthur, Only really seeing the top of his head as he grabbed everything he needed. Your gut churned gently as you watched his toughened features, while he tightened the saddle. His eyebrows knotting and his lips pursing as he pulled at the gear. 

You quickly glanced away as he flicked his gaze up to you, Squinting a little as you turned fully away. 

"Where we goin' to t'day?" Joel asked as he moved to walk over to Tommy, His hands resting gently on his belt. 

Tommy turned to him, holding his belt in a similar fashion. "We're gonna head out to town, Meet up with Dale, Emmy and Josiah." He said as you walked over, giving you a nod. "Then, We'll split up into teams and go to set destinations, which we will sort out when we get there." He explained. 

"Maria gave me a list of things we need. You've got the infirmary list right Y/n?" He asked. "Nate gave Derek everything to give to you last night apparently?" 

You nodded before pulling out the list from your back pocket. It was a little smudged but still readable. And you'd memorised what you could anyway. "Sure did." 

He nodded as if mentally checking off each action between you all. "Right, so we best get down there. Hopefully the rain'll start to clear up." He said as you all mounted your horses and set off.

By the time you got out and to the nearby town the rain had started to clear a little, just speckles of the stuff hitting you every so often. The ride was as uneventful as any. If not a little awkward. 

You rode into the town slowly, carefully mapping out your surroundings just like the brothers in front of you. You could see three horses in the distance which you were assuming was Dale, Emmy and Josiah. And your assumption was right. 

You pulled up to a stop and hopped off the horse, hitching it next to Dale's brindle mare in an opened up garage to keep them all out of the rain. 

You looked around as you walked in, your hand on your holstered gun just in case something was ready to pop out at you. 

A deep chuckle came from behind you before a heavy hand patted your back. "We cleared this place out young'un." Dale smiled. 

You looked up at him before taking a breath and nodding. Your meeting with that Stalker last month taking a little bit of a paranoia toll on you. You stood straight and smiled at him. "It's been a while you old coot." You teased as you pat his side.

Dale was in his mid 60's, long white hair around his head with a bald patch on top to match. He had a long scruffy white Santa like beard hung down his neck braided with little metal beads littering it. He looked cool as shit. A real war veteran kinda guy, and he happened to be tough as nails. Most that were over the age of 60 in Jackson stuck to 'in the walls' work. Whether it be on the farms, in the stables, building, etc. etc. 

But he'd always been more excited to go out and do stuff, the most enthusiastic out of any group he was with. And you admired it. 

Before your conventional banter could continue Tommy spoke up once more, taking charge over the group. 

"Alright listen up. We're gonna split up into pairs. Since theres six of us it'll be easier to cover more ground quicker because I can tell you I've been out here less than an hour and I already wanna go home." He started, earning a few breathy chuckles from the others. 

You moved and stood next to him much like Joel did on the other side, Emmy stood next to you with her dad Josiah and Dale next to him and Joel, in a nice neat little circle. 

"So. Emmy, you and your dad'll go West district." He said pointing west. "All you gotta do is search for the things on this list." He said handing out a scribbled on piece of paper from his notebook. "If you can't find it, That's alright we'll just have to send a group to the next town over. That goes for all'a y'all." He said pointing his pen around at you all. 

"I'll take East district with Dale. We got a hint on some bunker near the picture printing studio which might have some useful stuff." He said talking more to himself, before a grin formed on his face.

"That leaves you two." He smiled as innocently as he could. "Joel, Y/n, you're taking North district, up near the bridge." He hummed.

You glared at him and tugged on his shirt sneakily as the other's set off to grab their weapons from the horses. "Tommy." You growled.

"You gotta get over whatever it is at some point. I'm just helping you out." He grinned patting your shoulder and handing you a small list. "I need this stuff personally." He hummed. "Please don't kill each other, Maria would kill me." He said with no ounce of fact in his voice. 

You watched as he moved away before you looked at Joel. 

"We should get moving." Was all he said as he handed you your shotgun. 

You watched as he started to storm off in front. "Yeah..." You grumbled quietly.


	9. Trouble in Paradise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Smut, Blood and gore (Nothing unusual for TLOU)_

Your walk up north ways was quiet, and awkward.

You huffed gently as you tried to keep up with Joel's larger strides. Eventually starting to make you pant out of breath. "Joel can you slow down?" You asked, The first words you've spoken to him in weeks.

"Oh so you're speakin' to me now?" He asked a little sourly. 

You raised an eyebrow as you watched the back of his head, really not appreciating the tone. "You're going too fast, my baby legs can't keep up with yours." You said ignoring his reply.

He subconsciously slowed down a little to allow you to catch up with him. "And why should I slow down for you?" He asked.

"Are we really gonna do this now?" You replied, loading your shotgun up and looking around. 

Joel looked a little dumbfounded. "You ain't spoken to me in weeks. You've been nothin' but off with me and you're wonderin' why _I'm_ a little aggravated?" He huffed as he walked to the front of the drugstore you were trying to get into.

 _ **'Paradise Drugstore'** _painted the big sign on the front. Oh yeah, all the rust and natural degradation really screamed paradise to you. 

"A conversation requires a joint effort pal." You huffed before rolling your eyes.

"I'm not putting up with your shit today." You told him as you watched him try and open the door. "I'm gonna look for another way in." You announced before storming off down the back. 

You grumbled angrily to yourself as you searched for a back door which you found with ease, it just happened to be a little rusted shut, Nothing a few shoves or kicks couldn't fix. _Why should I have to talk to him, I haven't done anything wrong._ You thought to yourself. 

That wasn't entirely true. Sure Joel shouldn't have phrased what he said the way he did, It wasn't the initial trying to let you down, He was right. You did have a man your own age, who loved you. But you'd began to realise that he wasn't what you wanted. 

And that's what had gotten you all wound up over the month. All you had to think on was _"Jus' ... Try not to let it get to you."_ Well it's a little late for that. You'd been dampening down everything you'd ever felt for the eldest Miller since you both started to get along well. And to have that 'coffee talk' with him. Just made you realise how deep you were. 

Not to mention Joel had pulled away as much as he could as well. You remember when he said ' _I'm not gonna try t'avoid you.'_? Yeah well he lied.

You knew why you both reacted the way you did.

To protect yourselves.

Both of you had fallen far too deep into your fragile feelings, ones that didn't get exposed too often. The threat of them being torn up was a big one. One that Joel wasn't willing to give into so easily. In turn throwing you onto your little frustrated streak. 

You snapped out of thought as you kicked the bottom of the door, the rusted metal in the corner of it practically shattering and turning to dust as it broke under your foot. 

You looked down at the human sized hole you'd created before sighing and dipping your head forward. "I guess we're going through there." You grumbled before getting down onto your stomach and army crawling your way through, your backpack getting caught briefly before ripping the door off a little more. 

You stood up and grabbed your gun, brushing off the dust, dirt and rust from your stomach and legs. You squinted a little as you tried to see through the darkness. Quickly moving to turn on the flashlight attached to your bag. 

Everything was in disarray. From what you could tell, this was just a back office. A few old pictures of a young family littering the walls and floor. A specific one of two men on the desk, you assumed from their wedding day, since the apparel and background seemed to match the over all classic wedding aesthetic. They were cute together. 

You walked to the office door and carefully opened it. The creaking of the wood and hinges not helping your little stealth mission, but you managed not to alert anything, if anything was there to begin with. 

You crept your way through, looking for signs of Joel, the only sign being the front door wide open. Okay so he got in, good.

You could hear a blur of faint noises as you snuck around the isles, trying to stay close to the wall. Your eyes darting around, just searching. Before you could move another step, a hand grabbed you and pulled you forcefully through a slightly open door over to the body it was attached to. 

You went to scream before a hand covered your mouth as your back was pressed against a wall.

"Hey, It's me!" Joel whispered loudly. "It's me." He repeated as your eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness surrounding you once more. Your flashlight being dimmed by Joel's body which was against yours. 

You took a second before moving to pull his hand away. Smacking at his chest "What the hell is wrong with you?!" You whispered back angrily. 

And that's when you heard it. 

_Click, click, click, clickclick... Click... Click..._

Your eyes went a little wide as you realised the danger that you were actually in.

Clickers.

You probably couldn't hear them from the other side of the store because of the thick walls between everything. 

You turned your attention back to Joel who had his own body covering your's, His knife in one hand and the other hand against the wall. barricading you in out of the way. His gaze was sharp as he looked out of the gap in the door, that he'd pulled closed a little more. Hoping to use it to his advantage. 

You looked around for a second, you were in a broom closet. A rather empty one. It was still small. Enough room for you to move around in, not enough room for it to be comfortable. 

"What're we-"

"Shh." Joel cut you off as one of the clickers got closer to the door. Huffing and sniffing its way around, a few clicks escaping it every time. 

You watched as Joel gently tapped the blade of his knife against the door frame, making your eyes grow wide. Did he want to fucking kill you? Is that what was happening right now?

Each tap was a little louder than the last. 

The clicker lifted its head, hearing the soft noise with ease. You assumed that the other two were going to follow suit but they never did.

"That's right..." Joel mumbled his voice grumbling deep from within his chest as he whispered, barely a whisper. You could feel it against you as he pressed his body towards yours protectively. 

You couldn't help but feel your heart leap out a little. The room starting to heat up a fraction, and you knew it wasn't because of the danger on the outside. Even though that's what you should 100% be worried about at the minute. 

You gasped a little too loudly as Joel stabbed the clicker through the middle of its face. Covering your own mouth to stop anything else coming out. You listened to the gurgles and grunts the monster made as Joel dug his knife in deeply, spurts of blood covering his arm and the side of his face, which made Joel turn away from the gushing creature, forcing him to look in your direction. His eyes catching your's quickly. 

You could see a few droplets of blood, dribble down his chin as he looked over your face for a second. 

God he was gorgeous.

_Really? You're gonna simp for him right now?_

You watched as he forced himself to look away from you, his attention back at the door, the noise of the first clicker falling to the ground seeming to alert another one. 

This was going well. Hopefully you could just take them out one at a time, as they stupidly wandered over to the closet in search of food for their insatiable hunger.

You couldn't help but notice that your hand had bunched a section of Joel's shirt into it. Holding on as you tried to stay still. Which may I add wasn't going as you planned.

Your feet got restless pretty easily, probably because of the years of staying on your toes, just constantly moving about. 

"Will you quit fidgeting?" He growled through a whisper. His breath heavy against you.

"I'm trying." You whispered back with just as much power. 

Before you knew it, his body was pressed harder against you, pushing you right into the wall with no where to move your legs. You gasped gently as he lowered himself down to speak to you once again.

"Stop. Moving." He grumbled through barely a whisper, his lips close enough to yours that you could feel his laboured breaths against your mouth. 

You let your lips part as you thought about answering. Your mind not only running a mile a minute from the adrenaline of being in danger, but now it wasn't being helped by the big tough scary Texan man who was really pinning you down. 

Joel pried his eyes away from your face once again as another clicker stuck its head through the gap in the door a little. A deep grunt and a shove of the knife, causing it to cry out before Joel twisted it enough to kill it. 

You squeezed your eyes shut hoping that the cry wouldn't alert anything else. You had no idea how many were out there but judging by the single few clicks that you could hear, there was one left. 

You wondered why Joel didn't just barge out and take it out with a gun but then there was the possibility that it could alert others. 

Whatever it was he was doing, you trusted him. Because Joel always knew what he was doing. 

Well at least that's what you thought. Joel always had a plan. Even though previous events could and should shatter that illusion.

You snapped back into reality as you heard the spluttered garbled mess of the seeming to be last clicker as it peered around the door, straight into Joel's knife. 

You both let out your own sighs of relief as Joel put his knife back. His body pressing against yours a little more as his arm gave out a little.

Once you opened your eyes again you were greeted with the sight of Joel staring down at you. His eyes full of... something. 

He could feel his heart trying to break through his ribcage, beating harder the longer you gazed at each other. As if it was trying to reach out to you, trying to tell you what he couldn't.

He searched your eyes, his lips twitching as he mindlessly searched your face for permission. 

You used your grip on his shirt to pull him closer, pressing your lips to his, which you were very warmly welcomed with. It took you no longer than a second to deepen it. Slipping your tongue past his lips and into his mouth. 

He moved both of his hands to press against the wall either side of your head, dipping down to get to your mouth a little easier, his own tongue taking its pleasure in forcing its way around your tongue and into your mouth.

You spread your hands across his chest as you kissed aimlessly, Your body wanting to do nothing more than pull him impossibly closer. 

After a minute of the slower kiss, both of you started to get more dominant about it, like the anger of everything happening between you bubbling back up, your bodies hoping that you could get rid of that energy. 

You bit and nibbled at his lip as he did with yours, the kiss being louder, sloppier before you pulled back. 

"Fuck you Joel." You growled, Nothing in your face telling him that you were serious.

A dark smirk pulled at his lips as he moved his hand towards your pants. "We'll get to that.." He growled unbuttoning the top of them, forcing the zip down. 

"You're gonna break em if you keep going." You told him as he moved to bury his head in the crook of your neck, taking in a deep breath before peppering you with kisses. 

He barely let out a hm, before he used his knee to knock your legs apart a little further, just as he'd slid his hand into your underwear. Not that you were going to stop him, you craved nothing but his touch.

You jutted your hips forward a little, feeling his warm calloused hand run over your lips, just enough to spread them a little but not moving himself any closer. 

You didn't have time for this. You ground your hips down onto his hand gently, feeling his fingers slip past and brush over your clit. 

Joel chuckled and moved his hand deeper to brush his fingers against your entrance, where unknown to you was a small pool of wet already building up. You hadn't even been at this long. 

"Y'know it's pretty sick that us nearly gettin' killed turned you on." He mumbled against your ear gathering some of the slick onto his fingers before rubbing it over to your clit, coating your pussy nicely as he started to rub circles against the sensitive bud, his speed picking up quickly knowing your time limit. 

"Oh shut up!" You growled a little embarrassed before you pulled his face from by your ear to kiss him. It was a sloppy needy kiss as he worked on you, paying special attention to your clit.

God all he was doing was rubbing patterns into you and it already felt ten times better than anything Derek did last night. Not to completely shit on the poor guy. You held onto Joel's cheeks, keeping him against you. 

You gasped against his lips as he slipped a finger into you. Your back arching against the wall a little as he chuckled against your lips. 

"Weren't expectin' that?" He teased. 

You were not in the mood for his bullshit. You moved your hand between you to palm at his growing cock as he slid his finger in and out of you, adding another slowly. Before you could utter a word you could feel him brush against your sweet spot, making you squeeze his cock, causing him to buck his hips against you. 

You moaned into his mouth as you felt his body push his fingers deeper.

"Oh you like that?" He asked, purposefully barely brushing his fingers past the spot he'd just hit.

You whined and nodded trying to push him against it, making his fingers retreat a little. 

"Fuck yourself." He growled.

Your eyes flung open and you glared at him. "Well fuck you too." You breathed.

He let out a deep breath chuckle. "Fuck yourself on my fingers." He told you hopefully clearing up the misunderstanding. "Or you ain't getting off." He breathed, rolling his hips against your hand as you continued to palm his hard on through his jeans. 

"Ohh-" Was all you could say before you started to fuck yourself on his fingers. Aiming every time to hit that sweet spot. 

You could feel Joel throbbing through his jeans as he rubbed himself against your hand. Letting you focus on your own pleasure before his. "Oh fuck Joel." You moaned quietly.

Like music to his ears. Music he'd been aching to hear for weeks. "That's it baby, Show me just where you want me to hit." He purred, Feeling your hips start to speed up, needing some release.

You froze up hearing a once again, familiar voice.

"Joel? Y/n?" Tommy called out. 

You felt like a Beyblade with how quickly he pulled his fingers out of you. Moving to back away quickly, knocking into an old broom behind him causing it to fall of of the wall. Quickly you moved to button yourself up and to fix your zipper before trying to push the door open. Which you did after the third fucking shove. The bodies of the clickers blocking it lightly. 

You fell out of the closet and practically onto the floor. 

Tommy watched as the broom closet door swung open, holding his gun up assuming that infected were in there. Only to see your clumsy ass fall out of it, Joel trailing behind you with a sigh. He put his gun down before trying to spot you between the isles. "Y'alright?" He called out.

"Just fine." You breathed, trying not to make it sound like you had just been interrupted while riding his brothers fingers into oblivion. 

Joel stepped over your practically crouched body, patting your back gently. "Well it saved me busting down the door." He grumbled trying not to laugh, His voice was deeper than normal, Even Tommy picked up on it. That was a certain type of voice drop. 

"We was just takin' care of some clickers baby brother." Joel told him as he started searching again. 

"In the broom closet?" Tommy questioned, looking over his brothers 'flustered' form. Before watching your head pop up over one of the isles.

"They trapped us in there." You semi lied. Your legs a little shakey from everything. 

The younger Miller looked at you both as you practically bolted in different directions "Well, whatever you was up too. Just try to hurry up with those supplies." He told you, shooting his brother a look and a quick nod before leaving to meet back up with Dale. 

You shot a look over to Joel catching him already looking at you, You quickly dragged your eyes from him before searching around for supplies.

Considering this place was fully in use barely a year ago, you'd think there would be nothing around. Unluckily for the folk that lived here they couldn't get into the pharmaceutical lock up at the back, you could see the attempts at knocking the military grade door down. But to no avail. 

You looked around for a way in before seeing a vent up in the ceiling. "Joel?"

"Yeah?" He called from across the store.

"You mind helping me up here?" You asked, watching as he strode over to you. Taking a look up at the vent before back down to you.

"You think that leads in there?" He asked, standing rather close on instinct. Not that you minded. You both seemed pretty level headed with each other right now.

You shrugged. "I mean sure. Look-" You started as you pointed to a different vent that looked like it connected to a few others. "-It wouldn't surprise me if they used a separate one for the lock up, since they were allowed to mix medication up in there. You wouldn't want an accidental concoction going through every vent in the building would you?" 

He looked around at them before looking back to you. "Makes sense to me." He said before looking around for something to lean on to get you up. 

"Just get me on your shoulders i'll do the rest from there." You said grabbing a chair to stand on.

He watched as you put your hands out to turn him around. "I got this." You said hopefully.

"I know y'do." He replied. The simple three word sentence made your heart wanna burst out of your chest. It was stupid how this man made you feel. 

You pushed on his shoulders a little to get him to duck a little before you forced your way up, earning a grunt from him as he readjusted you. 

"Atta girl." He praised.

You guided him towards the vent to stand under it properly while he held your legs, his thumbs gently rubbing your calves. You took a breath as you took your knife out and started to chip away at the rust around the nails, just enough to unscrew them and to pull the grate off.

You passed the metal grate down to Joel, not wanting to make too much noise dropping it from the height you were at. You grabbed at his hair a little to keep your balance. Earning a suspicious noise from him before he scolded you.

"Will you quit that?" He grumbled.

"You like it." You teased before trying to shuffle your way into the vent. You had to take your backpack and jacket off to fit but that was fine. You had your knife strapped to your thigh if you needed it not that you thought you were going to.

Joel held your bag and watched as your legs disappeared into the vent with you. "Will you just- Just be careful." He called up in reply. 

"Cute!" You called back to him before shuffling along the dust filled metal tube before you came up to the vent leading into the locked room. This one luckily had a clasp so all you had to do was unclip it before it swung open. 

You dropped yourself in and dusted off your hands. "Sick." You mumbled quietly. The only light in the room coming from the grated window to see into the actual store. 

"You in?" Joel called from the other side.

"You bet!" You called back.

"Alright get this door unlocked and lets get going." He told you. 

You nodded as you started to try and look around, The room looked much smaller from the outside. There were counters surrounding the walls and an island in the middle with various items and boxes of medication coating them. "Oh jackpot." You said as you stepped closer to take a look. 

You let out a surprised scream as something grabbed your foot from around the counter, you kicked whatever it was back before going to grab your gun- Oh fuck you only had your knife- Where the fuck was your knife?!

"Y/n!" Joel said with panic lacing his voice. Trying the door handle, like you hadn't already tried. 

You watched as a runner pulled itself up with the island, knocking a few things off. It's face was chemically burned and it was badly deformed. It's jaw hanging off by a few strings of muscle. You felt paralysed as you watched the creature of nightmares pull itself up. Only being forced into action as it lunged for you. 

You let out another noise as you bolted around the room, the infected knocking shit over loudly as it followed, forcing you to move faster to find something to defend yourself with, when you saw it. 

Your knife, sat in the middle of the floor just under the vent. It must have unsheathed on the way in. 

You slid past the creature grabbing the knife as you glided across the linoleum floor, moving to sprint back around the island, but it seems that this thing had the same idea, sprinting back around and meeting you in the corner. Shoving you against the counter forcing you into a few beakers causing them to shatter and dig into your skin deeply, earning a scream of pain.

"Y/N!!" Joel yelled through the door as he threw all of his body weight against it, before trying to bust off the handle. Alerting Tommy and Dale who were only across the street, both of them sprinting into the store. Emmy and Josiah who were down the road following to catch up quickly. 

You used all of your strength and adrenaline to grip your knife before shoving your knee up to give you the slightest gap between you and the runner, barging it back before stabbing into it with your knife. Watching as it dropped to the floor. 

You moved to straddle the body before repeatedly shoving your knife into it. Broken cries of pure fear being the only thing that could be heard. Blood splattering up your shirt and face as you railed the body with the blade. The gurgling of saliva and blood drowning out quickly. 

Once you really made sure that it was dead, you started to feel the pain in your arm, shards of tinted glass clearly poking out. While blood dribbled out from around the pieces.

Joel looked to Tommy panicked as everything went quiet. Both of them trying their hardest to get it open. 

They both practically fell in as you unlocked it from the inside after grabbing the key from the corpse you'd just deformed even more. 

Joel was the first to get to you, ignoring the fact that you were covered in blood. Wrapping his arms around you tightly, only pulling back once he heard a loud sharp cry of pain as he'd accidentally jabbed at the broken glass.

You pulled back shakily and held out your arm, Tears mixed with blood as you continued to silently cry. The entire situation over stimulating your fight or flight senses. 

"You're alright." Joel said in his calmest tone for the moment. His eyes only on you as Tommy surveyed the surroundings. 

"Is she bitten?" Dale asked cautiously but with a little aggression behind it. 

Joel ignored it as he tried to look at your arm, his eyes flicking over your face every so often. "Leave it Dale." He warned. This wasn't like him, normally he was the first to ask those questions. But it was like he wouldn't register if you'd been bitten.

"Is. She. Bitten?" Dale repeated as he put his hand on his holstered gun. Joel could feel his ears heating up as he got angrier with the older man not listening to him.

"You best take your hand offa that gun before I-" Joel started as he turned around to storm over before Tommy could intervene.

"Clean!" You spoke up. The first one apparently being too quiet.

Everyone looked over to you. Your pale skin signalling that you were not only under a lot of stress right now but that you'd lost enough blood to take some of the colour. You held your arm at an angle. "I'm clean..." You repeated, slowly blinking at them. "He just. Pushed me into a few beakers is all..." 

Tommy was thankful at your intervention, glad that he didn't have to try and take his brother on to stop him from hitting an elderly man. 

"We need t'get you back." Tommy spoke softly but with reserve to his voice. "Emmy. Josiah, give me your supplies and fill your bags with as much as you can of this stuff. Favouring whats on the list." He said, watching as you shakily handed over the now bloody list to the others. 

"Dale, you mind bringing Arthur back up? There's no way she's riding on him right now." He asked, Dale eyeing Joel carefully, who still looked ready to pounce as he stood in front of you protectively, his arm out as you peaked around the side of him. 

"Sure thing." He said giving Tommy a nod. "It'll take me longer with two so don't wait up." He added before leaving. 

Tommy let out a sigh of relief. "Y/n, you're the Medic here, should we try and get some of the glass out now? or wait until we're back?" he asked.

You thought about it for a minute, you didn't know what was on them. So your best bet was to pull as much of it out now.

"Pull as much as you can out now... Grab some rubbing alcohol. I have some in my bag... Dowse it in that and wrap it up, Some of them are definitely gonna... need stitches..." You said as you moved to lean against the counter. 

You were doing pretty well on the front, carefully trying not to pass out as you could hear Tommy pulling shards out of your skin, the occasional squelch of blood coming through as a piece was pulled.

Joel sat and cleaned your face, using his water bottle and a rag to get most of the blood and grime off. His hands were gentle. His right hand held your chin carefully as he moved your head around to get any spots he might have missed.

Tommy would glance up every so often, to check on everything, Your eyes were shut as you tried to deal with the throbbing pain in your lower back and the back of your arm. Joel's were trained on you. Making sure that everything was okay. 

The younger Miller hadn't seen that face since... Since before the outbreak. 

He pulled his own gaze away as he got the last shard out that he could see. "There." He said quietly. "Now this is the part that's gonna sting." He warned unscrewing the top of the rubbing alcohol. 

You took a semi deep breath and nodded, just letting your head rest in the palm of Joel's hand as he'd moved it from your chin to the side of your head. 

Tommy gave you no further warning, practically throwing the bottle down your arm.

You gasped and your free hand shot up to grab Joel's wrist, half grabbing the smashed watch and half grabbing the skin next to it. You clenched your jaw tightly and let a hiss out through your teeth as the burning followed down your arm. 

"Jesus." Tommy said as he watched the slight bit of colour that had reappeared, drain out of your face again. "Told you FEDRA raised 'em tough." He said to Joel who just looked down at you.

"Yeah they did." He said with a proud hint to his voice.

Once you'd finally decided to let go of Joel's arm Tommy started to bandage you up. Only until you could get back home. It wasn't gonna stop the bleeding but it would help keep it clean. Even though the bleeding wasn't as bad now anyway.

You all wandered down to the horses, All of them still there since no one had left yet. 

Joel hopped up onto his before holding his hand out for you. 

Tommy jogged up behind you before putting his hands on your waist and hoisting you up to his brother.

"You hold on tight alright. Can't have you fallin' off and making a fool of yourself." Joel said as they started to ride. 

You scoffed "I think I already look like a bit of a fool." You told him, closing your eyes and leaning against his back as you all started to make your way back to Jackson.

"No more than normal." He teased quietly, pushing the horse into a steady trot.


	10. Who would wanna miss game night?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: A lil bit of gore (Just description of glass being pulled from a wound.)_

You leaned against Joel's back tiredly as they rode back home, small chatter between the brothers, filling your ears every so often.

You had your one arm wrapped around the bigger man, holding onto his jacket loosely. You were tired. Very tired. Considering how your arm felt right now, you should have felt horrific. I mean you did. Everything burned. All of your muscles ached from fighting hard, your scalp hurt from where the runner had managed to grab a clump of your hair, and you had a headache. But you still felt... okay. You felt contempt sat behind Joel while he rode on, his one hand holding onto your arm carefully to give you that extra help in staying on. 

You opened your eyes as you could hear Tommy speak into a radio. "Open up West gate. We gotta get someone to the infirmary." He said calmly. 

You looked up at one of the towers to see a few people looking back down at you. Not in the mood to deal with all the eyes you dropped your head back down, nuzzling into the fabric of Joel's jacket.

"How you holdin' up?" He asked quietly, turning his head to the side to talk to you.

"I mean other than the sharp pain in my arm? and our clicker encounter being interrupted so rudely? I'm fantastic." You told him quietly. 

You smiled gently feeling a chuckle vibrate through his chest. "Well we can always finish that encounter another time." He replied. "We will, finish it another time." He guaranteed.

"Promise?" You blurted out a little too quickly for your own liking. 

He was silent for a second as you rode through the gates. "Promise." 

Okay. So that gave you something. He wanted to see you again? Or he just wanted to get off and be done with it? Either one, right now you were okay with it. 

"What happened?" You could hear Maria's voice boom down towards Tommy as she walked towards him, seemingly angry that you were back. "You guys aren't supposed to be back for another hour." She pointed out. 

"Where are the others?" She asked, only seeing two horses before you tried to slip off of Joel's to talk to her. 

Which resulted in you nearly falling on your face. Considering only your right arm was badly hurt, you had lost a lot of your balance. Maybe it was the blood. Maybe it was trying to get off of a horse that was taller than you with one hand. Small details.

She rushed forward a little and caught you. "What on earth?" She asked looking at your bandaging that was still seeping blood. "She's not bi-"

"No she ain't bitten." Joel cut her off, seeming to be really sick of telling people that. 

Maria glanced up at him as he got off before looking at Tommy. Who just threw her a shrug and suggested she ignore it. "Lets get you to the infirmary alright?" She said looking at you with a small but reassuring smile as she looked up to Joel. "You mind taking her? I'm gonna get Tommy to sign back in so we can see what to do next." She asked.

Joel moved to your side, standing a little behind you just in case you fell. " 'Course." He replied before you both started walking.

"I'll meet you there." Tommy said glancing between you both, patting his brother on the arm before letting you go.

The walk to the infirmary was quick, You had a few people wander over and ask if you were okay, or to offer to take you out of Joel's hands so he could go back to being Joel. Each and every time he told them no. That he was fine taking you and that's what he was gonna do. Not that anyone argued with him. You sorta had to say thanks on behalf of the nice gesture but other than that it didn't lead anywhere. 

You were greeted by one of the other medics as you walked through the door. 

"Well I didn't think i'd see another day with you coming in as a patient." Caleb grinned, standing as tall as he could for a 5'6 man. 

You let out a breathy chuckle. "Shut it." You hummed as he took you from under Joel's watch. 

"You can go now if you want Joel, We can take care of the rest from here." He said as you all walked to one of the rooms.

Joel raised an eyebrow a little before eyeing the smaller man up. " 'm supposed to meet Tommy here with her, I'd like to stay if that's alright with you?" He asked as you all walked into a room.

"Not a problem with me, What about you Y/n?" He asked turning to you.

You couldn't lie, you weren't really paying attention as to what was going on. But you think you got the gist of the question. "I want him to be with me." You said tiredly.

Joel's jaw clenched at the way you worded it, his chest got a little tight as he tried to brush the words under the rug, gulping his thoughts down. The reply earning the both of you a glance from the doctor, deciding against mentioning it. 

Did you mean to phrase it like that? not intentionally. Was it a little embarrassing? Not right now but you knew that the embarrassment train was gonna come around and smash into the side of you later. 

After a few minutes, the doctor sat you down on a bed. Checking to see if anymore damage was done around your back and over your shoulder but there was nothing. Just a few bruises and achy muscles. 

He moved over to your arm and started unwrapping it as you sat facing away from him on the bed, Joel stood in front of you to keep your attention away from it. Just to make everything a little easier. 

"I'm glad to see you two back on good terms." Caleb said softly as he ran a light over the open wounds to see if a reflection of missed glass could be seen throughout them. 

"Huh?" Joel asked from where he was stood with his arms crossed. 

Caleb looked up at him for a second. "Every shift Y/n has had with us for a few weeks has been full of frowny faces. Word was you two had a little disagreement." He explained. "But i'm glad to see that smile's come back to her, even in times of pain like this." He said as his attention was snapped back to your arm.

You looked up at Joel who was trying not to grin. "Frowny faces huh doc?" He hummed, not breaking eye contact with you.

Caleb continued to search the cuts and hummed a little in reply. "Oh yeah, i've never seen her so miserable. She wasn't even that bad when she first showed up here at Jackson." He told him.

You could feel your cheeks starting to burn as blood rushed to them. You glared at Joel who was slowly letting his own smile escape as you mouthed "Shut it." at him.

Caleb looked up to see the look on Joel's face, carefully studying it hoping that he was too drawn into whatever you two were doing to notice. Something pricked at him to ask about it but he would much rather not be on the wrong side of a guy who he has literally witnessed crushing a skull against the floor with his boot. So he just continued.

"Ah." He said breaking your staring match apart. "Seems like Tommy missed a piece." He said grabbing his curved hemostat, clicking them a few times as if to make sure that they were working. "This might sting." He warned as he dug into the swollen, sore flesh, gripping the glass with as much force as he could to carefully pull it back out.

You weren't the queasy type at all normally, given your profession and the lifestyle you lived after the outbreak, but something about how long this piece of glass was seeming to be, made you a little nauseous.

Joel could see the colour start to drain from your face once again as he leaned forward to you. "Hey." He said softly. "You're doin' good, keep your eyes on me." He hummed, his gaze gentle and welcoming, which was a change from the normal 'you look at me and i'm gonna strangle you with my shoe laces' look he had going on. 

He looked so inviting, everything in your body screamed to reach out and hold his face. Just to let your fingers brush across his beard and over his bottom lip. But you knew you couldn't. You were snapped out of it when you could feel his fingers sneakily brush over your knuckles, trying to provide whatever he could for you right now. 

Your heart might as well have leaped out of your chest and rushed at him, because you felt like you were going to explode. You tried to think back on a time where Derek would do these little things and if they had the same effect. 

Things haven't felt like that between you two for a long time...

You were brought out of thought once again by Caleb taking to you. "Sorry what did you say Cale?" You asked turning your head to him to see the size of the bloody shard of glass. "Holy shit, look at that thing." You gawked. 

He chuckled, "That's borderline what I said." He hummed as he placed it down into a little metal tray. "I'm gonna have to stitch a few of these up alright? The others should be fine with some bandaging." He explained. 

You nodded and sighed as you sat still for him. 

Caleb was a good doctor, better than you could ever be. Then again he did have about 30 years above you, and some experience before everything happened. You were just a kid when shit hit the fan. 

"Y/n." A concerned voice called through the door as the person walked in. 

You were relieved to find that it was Ellie, being followed by Tommy and Maria. "Hey kid." You smiled a little as she stood next to Joel.

"First of all, i'm not a kid anymore. Second of all, Tommy told me what happened." She explained as she looked over you. 

"Did he now?" You asked turning your head over to his direction, wondering just how much he said.

Tommy walked forwards and nodded. "He did. Only the lock up." He clarified. It made you a little nervous how he seemed to know what to say, like he knew about what was going on. 

Ellie looked between you both at the unrecognisable looks you were sharing briefly before shrugging it off. "You think she'll be okay for game night?" She asked looking up at Caleb who was putting a lot of concentration into his work.

He snorted gently at the random question. "I don't see why not. Unless it's a game of baseball then she should be fine." 

"You know I wouldn't miss game night. What's on the agenda this time?" You asked, pulling a few faces as you felt the needle pierce your skin over and over again to close it up. 

"We thought we'd try a board game that we found. It's called something like 'Oubliettes and Wyverns' I think." She said excitedly. "It's like this fantasy role-playing game. Cat suggested we should play tags." 

You looked at her. "Tags?" you hissed, earning a small 'sorry.' from Caleb who acknowledged he was a little rough. 

"Yeah like, teams of two."

You looked at her for a second. "Ellie." You started.

"There's five of us." You finished as if it was obvious.

She stared blankly at you for a second, before actually realising. "Aw shit..." She mumbled as she looked around. Her eyes settling on the father figure next to her. "Joel can join!" She said with a smile. 

Joel turned his head to look down at her. "Uh no, Joel cannot join." He argued back. 

"C'mon, it'll be fun! You can use it as your 'make it up to me' coin." She told him. 

The 'make it up to me' coin was a form of currency that a few of you used. If one of you fucked up on something or missed out on something you'd owe whoever it was that was involved a 'make it up to me' coin. It didn't even need to be redeemed straight away, you could just keep it locked away in your head for whenever it's holder deemed necessary.

"Oh and what do I owe you a coin for?" He asked through a scoff.

"Movie night remember?" She grinned. "Y'know, when you went on that walk after dealing with Tommy all day."

"That was like a month ago-"

"I still kept the coin." She grinned.

You put the pieces together and figured that it was the night you two had. That was the excuse he was giving out. Pretty buy-able. 

"C'mon, it'll be fun! Me & Dina, Jesse & Cat, You & Y/n!" She said throwing the adults together.

Tommy grinned a little from where he was stood. "I think that's a great idea." He hummed. "I just finished brewin' up some beers too if you wanted to have a drink while your there." He suggested.

Ellie seemed more than happy to accept alcohol from him. But it seems that he was talking to you and Joel. 

You looked a little hopeful at Joel, you actually wanted to spend some time with them all. "God I could do with a drink." You hummed.

He gave a dramatic sigh and dropped his head down. "Fine. But i'm only in it for the beers." He lied. 

Ellie fist bumped the air a little and smiled. "Fuck yes." She beamed before an idea hit her." We should do it in your living room." She said looking at Joel.

"What why?" He questioned, his nose scrunching up and his eyebrows knotting. 

Ellie grinned, "Because... The living room is bigger than my place, and you have a coffee table we can use." 

He sighed and rubbed his beard a little. "Fine. But you gotta clean up after it." He ordered.

"Of course I will." She hummed very insincerely before starting to walk out. "I'll go help get everything set. Don't be late!" She called as she walked out of room and through the infirmary. 

Maria and Tommy both followed behind Ellie not long after, just leaving Joel, you and the doc in the room.

Caleb hummed gently as he worked, finishing up the stitches with a neat little knot every time. He stood up straight and grunted as he pressed his hands against the small of his back, Being crouched for more than 5 minutes making the poor man ache. 

"I'm gonna go get you some pain killers and a new dressing alright?" He said as he made his way to the door. 

You nodded and smiled softly at him. "Thanks again Doc." You said genuinely appreciating what he was doing. 

And then it was just you two. 

You looked around the room, not knowing what to say, if even to say anything. You looked in Joel's direction as you heard him get up from leaning against the wall.

"I think i'm gonna head home and get changed." He announced. "You gonna be alright on your own?" He asked, putting his hand on your good shoulder.

You smiled softly and nodded "When am I not alright on my own?" She grinned.

He let out a quiet chuckle. "Do I need to remind you that you're in the infirmary because of something that happened when you were on your own?" He teased a little, before a gentle frown pulled at his lips. 

You giggled softly before realising his change. You snapped him out of it as you slid your hand over the top of his, squeezing the larger one. "Hey..." You started trying to snap him out of his thought. "I made it out alive though, didn't I?" You said reassuringly. 

Joel's gaze snapped to your hands. He moved his thumb to brush over your's a little. "Yeah." He said bluntly before pulling back, straightening himself up as he saw the doctor stood in the doorway. 

Feeling a little threatened, Joel moved to walk past him quickly. 

Caleb had been watching since you slid your hand over the older mans. The change in his face being easy to see as you put him more at ease. He stepped aside as Joel walked towards him. Not wanting to be in the way of him. He shook his thoughts away before moving to you. "You've been brave." He grinned, letting you know he was back in the room. 

You scoffed a little "Oh shut up, i've been nothing but a big baby." You told him as he walked around to face you. 

He went to continue when he could hear shoes scuffing against the floor, into the room.

"Jesus Y/n." Derek said with a sigh of relief. 

You let out a small sigh, hopefully quiet enough for neither of them to hear, sadly for you Caleb caught onto it. "I'm fine Derek." You said before he could say anything else to you. 

"God I knew I should've come on patrol with you." He said a little panicked. The man could be a little bit of a drama queen but, his concern was in the right place. 

You raised an eyebrow at him. "I handled it, i'm fine really." You told him. "I'm not as weak as you seem to think I am." You said a little sourly.

"What the hell were the others doing? Dale said you were paired with Joel? Where was he when that was happening?" He said a little angry with an accusing tone in his voice. 

You glared at him a little. "He was on the other side of the door, there was nothing he could do. And trust me, he tried to help." You defended as Caleb wrapped up your arm for you. 

"He shouldn't have let you go into that room on your own in the first place!" He argued. 

After the doc was done with your bandaging, he gave you the okay to stand up, hoping that you'd take your little domestic somewhere that wasn't in here. 

"Are you kidding me?" You growled as you grabbed your jacket, throwing a small thank you towards Caleb. "Do I look like a fucking child to you?" You said draping the material over your shoulders, but not slipping your arms through the sleeves. "I can handle myself Derek." You said as you started to walk out. 

"I know that but it was stupid and dangerous of him to put you in that danger." He said following you, your pace quicker than his. 

"And how would you expect him to get in? Climb through the vent that could barely fit me into it?" You huffed walking past others as you made your way out of the building.

A few people would turn their heads to see what you were going on about. You really weren't hiding your annoyance with him, and in a place like Jackson where nothing really goes on, people get intrigued. 

"Well yeah! Maybe! I don't know, maybe send someone other than you." He told you as you came to an abrupt stop, forcing him to bump into your back as you got outside. 

You gave a hiss of pain as he fell into you lightly. Clenching your jaw before turning to him. "That is the most selfish, stupid thing you've said to me in a long time." You chastised. "You wish that we'd sent Emmy? Hm?" You asked, standing your ground. "The only one smaller than me? The literal teenager!".

Derek looked at you for a second. Trying to think of a way to redeem what he had said. "Y/n you know that's not what I meant-" 

"Then what did you mean? Y'know what. I don't wanna know." You said clenching your fists a little. "Just go home Derek." You ordered as you turned on your heels. You stormed your way down the street before almost bumping into Jesse.

"Whoa- Hey there." He said a little surprised as he looked at you. "Ellie told me what happened-" He started before looking over your very unimpressed face. "Y'alright?" He asked as he started walking with you.

You sighed softly, rolling out a little bit of the tension in your shoulders. "Yeah... Just... Pea brained boyfriends." You told him.

He chuckled a little "I'm not gonna ask anymore." He grinned. "Wanna walk with me over to Joel's?" 

"If you don't mind stopping at mine with me first?" You replied, earning a shrug from him.

"I don't mind at all." 


	11. Blame it on the hooch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Smut, Oral, Dirty talk_

The walk back to your's was uneventful. Jesse asked about your day and if you were feeling alright after what happened. He was a sweet guy. Dina was lucky to have him when she did. Up until they started disagreeing and all. But that wasn't your business. 

He told you that if you needed help with your jobs while your stitching healed, that you could count on him and probably, Ellie, Dina and a few others their age. You were thankful for it and would probably need to follow up with them. 

When you'd gotten home, you offered him a drink before wandering off to go get changed into something more comfortable. You came back out in some cuffed dirty grey sweatpants and a tank top. The moment you saw those sweats hidden in the back room of a store you knew that you were gonna have to yoink them. And oh boy were you glad you did.

You'd changed into some sneakers and put your Fedra jacket over your shoulders once more before heading down to Joel's. 

You were kind of nervous. You'd never been in his house before, and when was the last time you two spent time together? That wasn't filled with either sexual tension or awkward silence. It had been a while to say the least. 

You walked in behind Jesse, who gave a loud 'Knock knock.' as he opened the door.

"You know saying 'knock knock' as you're already walking through the door kind of defeats the purpose." Dina told him as she walked past holding a bowl of popcorn.

Jesse stretched out and pulled a handful out of the bowl as she did so with a scoff. "Where's the fun in that?" He asked with a mouthful.

"God you're gross." Dina hummed rolling her eyes before moving to put the bowl down in the living room. 

You looked around for a second, just taking in your surroundings. Joel's place was nice. He kept it tidy and it was bigger than you expected. You were pulled out of thought as you stared into the living room.

"Well? What do you think?" Ellie asked as she motioned to everything. They'd set the place up nicely. There was the board game on the table with a few lights around it, the chairs and couch had been pulled closer together with a few random blankets that had been left laying around. There was music on in the background. Was that? Take on me? By a-ha? That didn't matter. 

"It looks good, cosy." 

"Well that's the idea." A deep voice bellowed from behind you, nearly sending you jumping out of your skin.

You turned to see Joel looking much fresher than he did earlier. He stood with two mugs in his hands before handing one to you. "Tommy wants to know what you think. So be sure to tell 'im." He said as he watched you look into the murky liquid.

Whatever it was, it smelled strong. But there was a sweet tint to it. 

You thanked him softly before putting it to your lips and tipping your head back slowly, waiting for the lukewarm liquid to grace your tastebuds. You wished that's what they did. 

You swallowed quickly before coughing hard at the harsh taste. You could hear Joel laughing gently next to you as he put a hand on your back.

"How's that taste?" He asked looking down at you with a big smile. 

"Like a bottle of kerosene that someone waved a few grapes over." You coughed, moving your hand up to cover your mouth. 

You blinked the tears from your eyes as you finally began to stop.

"Ah, you'll get used to it. Once the first few sips wear off it tastes kinda good." He told you, moving over to the guys in the living room as they beckoned you both in. 

Jesse sat on one side of the couch and Joel sat the other, With Dina and Ellie sat on the floor and Cat in one of the chairs, you knew that you'd be sat between the men. Which you had no problem with. 

You took your jacket off and threw it towards the back of the chair before Ellie snatched it up. 

"I've always wanted to wear this thing." She grumbled, moving Dina from her arm to give her enough time to slip into it. She looked proud as she fixed it around herself a little before looking up at you. "Well?" She asked.

You smiled down at her, readjusting your bandages slightly. "You'd fit right in with FEDRA." You teased, as you sat next to Joel, leaning towards him. 

He instinctively put his arm on the back of the couch as if to give you the opportunity to tuck yourself in next to him, sipping quietly at the hooch in his mug. 

"So what's the game about and how to we play?" You asked.

Ellie and Cat went over the rules and the general know how on how to play the game. It seemed simple enough to you, Joel not so much, and you knew you were gonna have to carry your team to victory. 

So your characters were a knight and a dragon that had teamed up to take out the sorceress and her magic talking clay friend, because they'd actually turned the dragon from a prince into a dragon in the first place. But you weren't the only ones after this magic team. 

A low level bard was looking for the sorceress while her partner the queen was looking for the knight, who'd run away from her duties to help this dragon that she might have been in love with. 

"So a run down of who is who." Ellie announced. 

"Cat you're the Sorceress. Jesse you're the clay being." She said looking down to her note book before looking back up to them to make sure they understood. 

"I'm the bard, and Dina's the queen." She said pointing her pencil between the both of them. Dina sat with a smile on her face, giving a royal wave.

"And Joel, you're the dragon and Y/n's the knight." She grinned. 

You smiled and looked at him.

"Why do I gotta be the dragon?" He questioned, looking between you and Ellie.

"Because you're big and scary." She argued. "And Y/n would look super good in knights armour." She admitted, earning a nod from Dina and a sly one from Jesse. 

You smiled at him and leaned against his arm lightly. "You're the damsel in distress- well Dragon in distress, but you get the point." You joked. 

You all started the game and it was actually really fun, it involved throwing a few dice around before acting out a little of your actions. It was the most fun you'd had in a really long time, with some of the people you cared most about. 

You and Joel both nursed your drinks throughout the night. He was right, it was kinda nice after the first few sips. You got a nice buzz from it, and considering the day you had, had. You deserved to feel good. Your arm ache was practically gone as you leaned into Joel's side fully, you'd kicked your shoes off before bringing your legs up onto the couch. 

You could feel your eyes getting heavy as you started to get tired. Your blinking getting slow along with your breathing as you watched the four teenagers argue the game between themselves as their characters battled. Both your knight and Joel's dragon dying off first, not long before Jesse's clay man.

Joel had his arm carefully wrapped around you, his hand on your shoulder to keep it from touching the bandages.

You were content. Your head resting on his shoulder as your vision started to go black, followed quickly by nothing as you fell completely asleep against him. 

Joel wasn't far behind, the alcohol in his system doing wonders for his general nerves. Doing enough to make him relax into you as you sat with him. He dropped his head against the back of the couch to 'rest his eyes' for a second before completely passing out. 

"Oh c'mon! There's no way I could have beaten the sorceress with a lute. That's no fair-" She was cut off by Dina nudging her softly, nodding her head over to you and Joel. Ellie was the last to look. 

The scene was something you'd expect to see out of an old couple, who'd both just come back from line dancing or some other elderly activity. 

Jesse looked over to Ellie who looked like she didn't know how to react, whether to be grossed out, weirded out, She didn't look like she knew if she should be happy about it. 

"I think they'd be cute." Jesse broke the silence quietly. Earning a nod from Cat. 

Dina turned to Ellie. "What do you think?" She asked, nudging her softly hoping to snap her out of the staring she had going on.

"I..." She started. Ellie hadn't seen Joel look so content in... well ever. He actually looked relaxed. "It was probably the hooch." She said shrugging it off. 

Jesse scoffed. "Yeah lets blame the hooch." He said as he stood up. "Well I don't know about you guys but i'm starting to feel as tired as they look." He yawned as he stretched himself, his limbs clicking tiredly. 

"You think they'd mind if we cleaned up tomorrow?" Cat asked, standing up herself.

Ellie shook her head. "Should be fine. Depends on what time we wake up." She answered. "If I can i'll get here early tomorrow. Bring back this jacket as well." She said pulling on your jacket a little. 

They all nodded between themselves and turned the lights off. The only remaining light coming from the fire, lighting up everything gently as it burned through the remaining logs within it. 

Cat was the first to leave, followed shortly by Jesse as Ellie and Dina made an effort to make everything look tidy.

Ellie came back from the kitchen to see Dina looking over the two of you, not long after Jesse had stood up you stretched your legs out, slipping lower against his side. She had a smile on her face, a gentle one. 

Ellie came up behind her and put her hands on the others hips softly.

"We fall asleep like that sometimes." Dina pointed out. 

"I know..." Ellie whispered back.

"You think there's something between them?" Dina asked curiously. Her head turning a little as Ellie put her head on her shoulder. She took note of the sigh.

Ellie didn't know what to think. She'd like Joel to be happy. But there was the moral dilemma of you and Derek. "For dramas sake, I hope not." She started.

Dina looked at her with a little bit of a disappointed look. "What about for Joel's sake?" She mumbled quietly, moving her hand up to the side of Ellie's face, stroking her cheek softly with her thumb.

Ellie gazed between the two of you, taking in little details. Details like how your hand gently grabbed onto his shirt as he leaned his head towards you more, his arm covering you protectively. "I... don't know..." She admitted quietly. 

Dina sighed a little before pulling away from her. "We should get going, i'm on stable duty tomorrow and i'd rather not feel anymore tired than i'm going too." She told her before making her way to the front door. 

Ellie lingered for a second before pulling out of her thought and following after the woman, leaving you both sleep happily. 

-

In your sleep you'd slid down Joel until your head was in his lap, Joel had slid down a little but not enough to make it uncomfortable for either of you. Both of you were snoring gently by the time morning came. To which you were the first to wake up.

You hummed gently as you swallowed the sleep from your throat, your eyes blinking open to see the blurry unfamiliar surroundings around you. You tensed up a little before realising you were still at Joel's, the board game in the middle of the coffee table hinting at it for you.

You could feel his hand gently on the top of your arm, as if even in his sleep he was aware of the damage. You lifted your head gently to look around. Still a little dark outside, you could guess that it was what like? 6am? You didn't have to be anywhere early today.

You moved to nuzzle your head back into his lap before realising just how big the hard on he was sporting was. 

Morning wood must be a bummer in the apocalypse. Well outside of Jackson it would be. You grinned a little as his hips juddered a little, a barely audible sound coming from your mouth as you breathed a laugh out. 

You turned yourself so that your back was facing outward from the couch, Joel's arm fell from yours as you did so but luckily he didn't wake up. Moving quietly you pressed a gentle kiss to the front of his jeans, where his bulge clearly ached to get out. 

Which is what you set to work on next. Quietly and slowly moving your hands to his belt, trying your hardest to be silent, and it worked mostly. At least Joel didn't seem to stir at the movement.

A quick zip of his jeans relieved some of the strain, from what you could tell. Joel had adjusted his hips lightly and let a satisfied grumble out before completely knocking out again. 

You hummed a little, slowly palming his hard on as you moved to shuffle his jeans around a little, just enough to pull his cock from his boxers, which didn't seem like it was going to be much of a challenge since it had moved to nearly peak through the waistband. 

You moved to lay on your stomach quietly as you licked your lips a little. Pulling his cock out softly making sure that you didn't catch it on anything. After what felt like forever you finally got yourself and him comfortable. 

You took a breath before slowly planting gentle kisses over the head. The first few made him twitch a little as you went along before his body finally relaxed into it.

"The hell are you doin'?" He breathed, making you tense a little as you realised he'd woken up.

Judging by the way he spoke and how he hadn't opened his eyes yet. He knew exactly what you were doing. So, you were gonna continue to do it.

You hummed gently before slowly taking the tip into your mouth and wetting it. Earning a sharp but small inhale from him. You couldn't help but let your lips turn up into a smirk before continuing. Slowly, tantalisingly teasing the tip. Running your tongue over every dent and crease you could find as you rubbed your hand gently over his thigh, sometimes scratching against his jeans with your finger. 

You felt his hand creep up your back gently, pulling your shirt up lightly with him. 

You grinned seeing as he was starting to get a little impatient with the teasing, and before he knew it, you'd slipped him deeper into your mouth, nearly hitting the back of your throat. 

Joel grunted as one of his fists balled up and his foot hit the floor. "S-shit.." He muttered at how good your mouth felt, just from being taken into it what he had been. He moved his hand to your head and opened his eyes to finally look down at you. You looked as sleepy as him and if you didn't have his cock edging at the back of your throat he'd think it was really cute rather than incredibly hot. 

You giggled around him gently as you came back up, pulling off of him with a pop. "Good morning." You greeted, earning a scoffed laugh from him as you turned your head to look up. 

" G'mornin' to you too." He breathed, watching as you wrapped your hand around the base of him. "Don't uh- Fuck..." He grunted as he watched you go back down onto him. Swallowing around him to tighten your throat. "Don't hurt y'self now." He breathed, watching as you used your bad arm to keep you up a little. 

You scoffed around him before moving your hand from the base, taking him back until you could feel his body hair against your nose. 

Joel moved to run a hand through his hair, gripping it a little as he watched you swallow around him like an expert. His cock twitched in your mouth eagerly as you slowly pulled back up, going down a few more times, each time hitting the back of your throat before you decided to speed it up a little. 

This time you weren't taking him all in. Just enough to give you a steady bob without interruption. You clenched your thighs together in rhythm with your head movements. Each moan or pant coming from his mouth egging you on further. 

You could feel his hand sliding down your back gently, being careful of the bruises you'd gained the day before as his hand made a b-line for your sweatpants. Ducking under the waistband to grab a handful of your ass, massaging it gently between his fingers as he watched you. 

Each time you'd do something he'd particularly like you could feel him squeeze at the flesh of your behind, before slipping his fingers even further down to rub over your underwear covered pussy. 

You wanted to move back into his hand but you didn't wanna lose your own movements. This could be some sort of thank you to him for staying with you yesterday, or trying to come to your aid when you needed him. 

Or it could just be that you'd never been more eager to have a man's cock shoved down your throat. Either way. 

You moaned a little against him, sending vibrations through his member as he stroked at your clothed cunt, making him buck his hips a little. 

The slur of curses that left that mans mouth could get you off for weeks. Just the steady flow of " _Shit... Oh fuck... Fuck Y/n..._ " Making you wetter by the second.

You gasped a little when he pulled his hand from your sweats and smacked your ass gently. 

"Darlin'. Up." He breathed as he moved his own hand to the base of his cock, squeezing it tightly in his fist, watching as your mouth slid off of him.

You sat up a little, looking up at him expectantly. As if he was telling you to get up because there was someone here. But he didn't, he just tucked himself back into his briefs before standing up.

"Joel-" 

"Why do it down here, when there's a perfectly good bed upstairs." He cut you off, holding his hand out for you to grab and pull yourself up. 

You practically bounced off of the couch and up next to him as you kept a hold of his hand, letting him drag you up the stairs and to his room. It was exactly how you'd expect his room to be, the vibe just screamed Joel. 

You walked in as he closed the door behind you before you moved towards him, putting your hands on his chest softly as you leaned up to press your lips to his. To which he returned the sweet gesture.

"You'll be careful, yeah?" You asked, referencing your arm and such. 

"I'll be careful." He promised before pressing another kiss to your lips. "I ain't gonna hurt you." He grumbled against your lips before gently edging you back towards the bed, letting yourself fall down to sit on it as your calves hit the side of it. 

He looked down at you with a content grin, moving to unbutton his plaid shirt as you moved to pull his jeans back down, having to re-unbutton them for him before his boxers followed. 

You watched as his cock sprang up to rest against him with ease, the tip glistening with saliva and a bit of precum. Licking your lips you pulled your tank top off over your head carefully before pulling the sports bra off from under it. 

Joel watched as he continued working on his shirt, his eyes following your every move after taking in the sight of you. 

You hummed and moved forward sucking the tip of his cock into your mouth, watching as his hips bucked and he instinctively moved one hand to the back of your head. His shirt hung loose at his sides, exposing his torso while it stretched around the tensing muscles of his arms. 

"Shhhiittt..." He breathed, his hips rolling forward a little. 

You hummed around him as you kept your head still, flickering your gaze up to his, raising an eyebrow as you smirked with your mouthful. 

"Moobe." You tried to speak around his cock. Which roughly translated to 'move.' Pushing him to fuck your mouth a little, giving him control.

He chuckled a little as he started to thrust his hips forward. "Your daddy ever tell ya not to speak with your mouthful?" He grinned a filthy grin, making you wanna giggle at what he said but moan at the sight of that smile. 

You settled with rolling your eyes before giving your best doe impression, trying to get him to really give in and fuck your mouth. Not just gently, You knew of all people, Joel Miller wasn't a gentle man. Well not normally. 

He smirked down at you, his lips parted gently as breaths seeped through them. "Whats'a matter?" He grinned leaning over you a little. "You're givin' me that look again." He breathed as his hips sped up, making you hum approvingly around him.

He chuckled breathlessly. "Oh that's what you want?" He grinned. His movements picking up once more. "Jesus Christ." He panted watching as you relaxed your throat to take him as far as he wanted, as hard as he wanted. 

He kept his hand on the back of your head, his thumb gently stroking back and forth against your hair as he fucked your mouth. 

"Y'know, I'm startin' to like this peace and quiet." He teased, The only sounds in the room being, the wet sloppy movements of his cock sliding in and out of your mouth, over your tongue, and both of your breathing. 

You hummed around him, mimicking speech but not enough to actually wanna talk. Just to send those feelings through him. 

He pulled himself out of your mouth finally and leaned down to you, watching as some of your saliva dribbled over your lips a little. "Ain't you a pretty sight." He grinned before pressing his lips to yours, dipping his tongue into your mouth to deepen the kiss.

A little off topic but something you loved about Joel was that he didn't care if he'd just fucked your mouth, he was still gonna kiss you like it was life or death, jamming his tongue into your mouth at the nearest opportunity. 

Derek was one of those guys who thought that was gross. He was really on the losing team here. 

You pulled back from the sloppy kiss and smirked up at him as he ushered you further onto the bed before he grabbed your sweatpants by the ankles, pulling them down as you pushed yourself up. 

You kicked your way out of them and moved to the middle of the bed, laying between his pillows. The smell of Joel radiating off of them, making you wanna bury your head in and never leave. 

He threw them down the other side of the bed, nearest the wall before pulling his shirt off entirely and throwing it after them. 

You giggled as he crawled over you, his fingers trailing over your thighs carefully before hooking into your underwear. 

"Let's get these offa you, hm?" He grumbled deeply as he used both of his hands to shimmy them off of your legs, letting them join your sweats on the floor. 

You bit your lip as he spread your legs, dropping himself down to lay on his stomach between them as his hands rested on your thighs. 

You propped yourself up a little, moving his pillows to sit behind your back since you knew you couldn't use your elbows without fear of tearing a stitch. 

He grinned as he watched you, an eyebrow raised as he rubbed circles on your thighs as he kept them pushed apart. "Comfy?" He hummed. 

You smirked down at him and nodded. "I want a good view of the show don't I?" You teased. 

Joel chuckled gently as he lowered his mouth down to come face to face with your pussy, His eyes never leaving yours as he stuck his tongue out and barely dragged it across your clit, making your stomach clench needily as your mouth dropped open slightly. 

He hummed at your reaction as he dipped his head fully to close his mouth around the sensitive bundle of nerves, his eyes closing as he twirled his tongue around it.

You tried to keep your eyes open as the sensation of his tongue pushed its way through you. "Holy..." You breathed dropping your head back. Just taking it in as you dragged your hands over his sheets. 

Joel didn't waste much time with being slow, quickly picking up his pace as he lapped at your juices and teased your entrance with his tongue. 

He continued to work you with his mouth, moving his hand to your stomach to stop you moving about too much, his fingers gently rubbing over a few faint scars from over the years. Deep satisfying hums and grunts coming from him as he started to stick his tongue into your entrance, making you moan out his name and arch your back needily. 

"Fuck, Joel..." You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut as he continued. 

He chuckled against you, the vibrations sending shocks right to your core. He finally moved his hand from your stomach and let you roll your hips against him, just like you let him use your mouth previously. 

You could feel your core tightening with each roll of your hips and flick of his tongue. He was a god damn miracle worker with that thing, you could tell he was experienced. The years he had on you just adding to the pleasure. 

You panted needily as you could feel yourself getting closer and closer. Before you could finish he pulled back with a grin, earning a sharp death glare from you. Which made him give out a breathy laugh. "Hold y'horses there." He grinned as he pushed himself up. Crawling over you before putting his arms either side of your shoulders. "You think I was gonna let you get off with just that?" He questioned.

His legs had pushed yours up a little, letting them rest on his thighs gently as he looked down at you. 

You watched him lick what he could of your slick from his lips before wiping his beard gently, making you grin. 

"What?" He asked with a raised brow.

You pulled him down to you as you leaned up to meet him in the middle. "Gimme a taste." You whispered against his lips before kissing him deeply, letting your tongue slip into his mouth, tasting your own juices on him. 

You smirked feeling his cock twitch against your thigh as you spoke to him before he kissed you back with just as much effort if not more. Pulling back you hummed and licked your lips. "Mmm. Tastes better from your mouth." You purred.

Joel looked like he could bust there and then, his jaw was slack for a moment as he tried to get over how hot what you just did was. His cock ached harder to be buried in you and understandably so. You were a natural at pushing just the right buttons on him. Like you were specifically made for pushing his buttons. The good and the bad. 

You watched as he fumbled over a few words before going silent, just grabbing his cock by the base and dribbling spit onto it before lubing himself up with it.

You rubbed your hands over your stomach and up to your chest, toying with your nipples which he'd oh so rudely neglected to do to you. Humming gently as you felt him rub the tip of his cock against your entrance before pushing in. Taking it slow, watching as you swallowed him up perfectly. 

Your jaw dropped open and you could feel your body relaxing with each inch he pushed into you. 

God he was perfect. 

He let out a deep breath as he pushed himself fully in before looking up to you, making sure that you were okay. Which you were, you were far more than okay. 

You both knew that this was gonna be quicker than last time, since you'd both been holding off since yesterday, and you'd edged each other just now. 

After a moment Joel started thrusting, carefully. Acknowledging that you were probably still achy which was cute of him to do, but he was being a little too cautious. 

"Joel you can go faster." You hummed, even though you were enjoying this, now wasn't the time for a slow burn orgasm. 

He looked up at you and let his eyes wander your face as he hesitantly started to pick up speed. His hips trying to force him to go a little faster and harder as instinct took over slightly.

"Just watch the arm." You told him. "Everything else'll be okay." You reassured before pulling him down to kiss you. 

He nodded against your lips as he picked up his pace. His hips slapping against your thighs as he buried his cock in you over and over again, seeming to have the angle of your soft spots memorised from the first time. 

The bed creaked gently under you in a rhythmic motion along with Joel's thrusts.

This was different. Everything about this felt different from the first time. It wasn't just pure lust taking over the both of you, forcing yourselves onto each other.

It was longing. 

You moaned harmonically in his ear as he let out his little grunts and praises into yours. Both of you working together to make each other cum.

You could feel your walls tighten around him more, the closer you got. Moving your arms to throw over his shoulders gently. Raking your fingers over his skin, just hard enough to leave marks but not hard enough to hurt.

"Oh fuck Joel I-"

"I know baby girl me too." He panted, peppering kisses over the side of your face and neck. His hips getting a little sloppy as you were both being pushed towards your orgasms. 

It didn't take long for your legs to start shaking gently, your walls completely shutting in on him as you arched your back inwards, Your head hitting the pillows behind you as you came, you couldn't even begin to express how good this felt. Having Joel pepper you with kisses while completely fulfilling you with everything he has. 

"That's it..." He panted as he made sure you'd really gotten off before pulling out rather quickly, letting hot spurts of cum coat your inner thighs, A few shakey breaths leaving him as he mewled your name gently under his breath. 

You forced your eyes open to look at him, a soft, tired, satisfied smile gracing your face as you watched him search for his boxers to wipe you down. What a gentleman. 

You scooted over once your thighs were cleaned and waited for him to get back into bed, shoving your legs under the covers to keep you warm. 

Once Joel had come back from putting his boxers in the laundry basket he slipped in next to you, and before he could even give it a second thought you'd slipped onto his lap, letting the covers dangle over your's and his legs. 

You could get used to this...

You wanted

to get used to this.


	12. Bad timing Tommy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None._

You traced your fingers over Joel's face gently, running your forefinger down his nose and over his lips, moving to his beard covered jaw. You felt content like this. Bare ass naked, sat on Joel's hips as he laid back comfortably in his own bed. The sheets covering your calves and his bottom half as he trailed his hands over your thighs gently. 

You were pulled out of your thoughts by Joel's deep gruff voice.

"Huh? Sorry wasn't listening." You admitted honestly. 

"I said, What's your deal with touching my nose?" He asked as you mindlessly traced the scar at the bridge of it. 

You could feel your cheeks heat up a little as he called out your small fascination. "I like it." You admitted. "I like the scar too. I think it's cute." You told him before leaning down to press a kiss to the tinted skin of the scar, before trailing it down his nose and meeting at his lips, barely brushing against them.

"Oh really?" He grumbled, his moustache tickling your lip gently a he brushed his lips against yours.

You nodded and let out a content "Mhm." before gently pressing your lips together. 

You were cut short when you could hear the front door close and footsteps make their way up the stairs. 

"Joel?" Tommy called out.

Your eyes went a little wide with panic as you practically threw yourself down the far side of the bed. The one closest to the wall to hide yourself. 

Tommy walked into Joel's room without a second thought before stopping with his hand still on the handle. "Oh- I-" He stuttered noticing his brothers unfamiliar lack of clothing. 

"What d'you want little brother?" Joel asked sitting up a little awkwardly, making sure that his bottom half was staying covered.

You cursed yourself silently as you landed on your arm a little, covering your mouth to stop the string of swears that were threatening to leave you.

Tommy looked at him for a second, a little confusion in his eyes. "Weren't interuptin' anything was I?" He asked as he held his belt softly.

Joel calmly shook his head. "Not at all. Just... Layin' in bed." 

Tommy pursed his lips for a second. "Naked?" He asked. 

"Am I not allowed?" Joel retorted, scrunching his eyebrows a little. 

Tommy stood straight and wandered on the spot a little. "Naw- It just ain't like you." He pointed out.

"What do you want Tommy?" Joel asked a little clearer. 

His brother sighed a little. "You know the dance is tonight." He started, earning a nod from the older brother as he put his arm behind his head comfortably. "Well I'm gonna need some help with a few things down at the dance hall, I was hopin' you could come." He asked.

Joel opened his mouth to question what he needed help with but was cut off before he could say anything.

"Don't ask questions now, there's a bunch'a stuff." Tommy clarified as he stepped towards the door, stopping on his way out. "Maybe you could ask Y/n, she could do some light things around to help out." He suggested. 

"Hm. Maybe." Joel grumbled as he listened to his brother trot down the stairs. "I'll meet you there in a few!" He called after him before he could hear the front door close.

You peaked your head up over the side of the bed earning a smile from Joel. "Safe to come out?" You teased as you tried to get up. Wincing gently as you pulled yourself onto the bed.

"Y'alright?" He asked as he sat up. Nothing but concern covering his face.

You looked up at him as you crawled over, sitting next to him. "Huh? Oh yeah I just, landed a little awkwardly is all." 

He looked over your bandages for a second and hummed. "We should get dressed. You should go home and get some more rest." He said gently as he threw the covers away from himself and stood up, moving towards his drawers to get a fresh pair of boxers. 

You scoffed moving to the side of the bed to grab your own underwear putting it on. "Not happening, I wanna help with the dance." You told him moving to shuffle your jeans on, watching as he did the same.

He turned to you as he buckled his belt up. "You're supposed to be recoverin-"

"You heard Tommy. He said I can help." 

Joel sighed, he had a feeling that his brother didn't say that because he genuinely needed your help. Somewhere in the back of his head he thought that it would be a good excuse to get you two together. 

"Fine. But if it gets too much i'm takin' you home." He told you as he put his shirt on watching as you put your sports bra back on carefully. "Lemme change your bandages." He added as he made his way to the stairs, picking up your tank top while he was at it. 

You followed behind him and sighed. "Such a gentleman." You teased as he dragged you to the kitchen patting the island in the middle for you to lean against. 

You watched as he spun around a little to find his med kit before placing it next to you, humming gently as he did so before putting his hands on your hips and hoisting you up onto the counter. 

Instinctively you wrapped your limbs around him with a smile as he raised an eyebrow at you. "What?" You hummed close to his lips. 

"Nothin'." He mumbled pressing his to yours, getting lost for a second as you deepened the kiss against him, your fingers curling into his shirt.

He pulled back after a minute with an out of breath chuckle. "Alright. Alright, c'mon we got things to do." He said as he carefully unwrapped your arms from around him, leaving your legs around his waist. 

You smiled giddily at him and nodded. "Fine." You replied as you watched him carefully take your bandages off. His face going sour as he saw the bruising and such around the stitches down your arm. 

You looked over at your arm for a second. "Swellings gone down." You told him.

"Hm." He said as he carefully started to clean them up with a rag and rubbing alcohol.

You watched his face as he concentrated on your arm. His hair dangling lightly in front of his eyes. "Your hair's getting long." You pointed out obviously as you tucked a tuft of it behind his ear softly, letting your finger trail down his neck afterwards.

"Well thank you cap'n obvious." He grumbled with a grin tugging his lips. 

You scoffed a little before playing with more of it. "You should let me cut it." You suggested. 

"Like hell am I gonna let you cut my hair." He chuckled, making your mouth drop open dramatically. 

"And why not?" You started when you could hear the front door again. 

You let your legs drop from around his waist before pulling your hand back to the counter. 

"Y/n? Joel?" Ellie called out, her footsteps and another pair trailing behind her. 

"In here!" You called out, turning your head away from Joel's ear so that you didn't completely deafen him.

You could hear Ellie splutter a reply at your stupid one. "Where's in here?" She said following out to the kitchen, stopping in her tracks, causing Jesse to bump into the back of her. 

Jesse stepped forward with a grin on his face. "What's goin' on here?" He asked with a suggestively accusing tone to his voice. 

You looked at Joel, who barely lifted his eyes from your arm. "I uh, I can't reach the stitches at the back." You admitted. "And it's a lot to bandage on my own." You said rubbing your hair a little. 

"No shirt though?" He asked, leaning against the counter next to you.

You didn't have an excuse for the tank top. You wore it specifically so it couldn't catch on any stitches or dressings. "Oh uh-" 

"The alcohol'd stain it." Joel lied perfectly through his teeth.

"It would do that to the sports bra-"

"No ones gonna be lookin' at her bra are they?" He growled a little, a hint of assurance in his voice. He was gonna make sure no one was looking at your bra.

You smiled at them before looking at Ellie. "My jacket?" You hummed a little confused as to why she was holding it.

She nodded and passed it between her hands. "Yeah I uh wore it home last. Hope you don't mind." She said putting it down as she flickered her gaze between you two.

"Not at all Kiddo. Thanks for bringing back." You said sincerely. Something was off about her. You couldn't tell what but she was distancing herself a bit. 

"How'd you two sleep?" Jesse brought up, breaking the awkward silence that was starting to surface.

You looked at him to see his familiar 'I'm about to make things awkward' smile. "Fine?" You said raising an eyebrow as Joel started to bandage your arm up carefully. 

"You looked pretty comfy last night. All huddled up to each other." He teased.

You could see Joel tensing up a little from the corner of your eye as the point was made. "I mean that drink last night was strong. I can't say we intended to fall asleep." You tried to defend. 

"Mhm. But like that-"

"Jesse." Joel growled a warning. A very, to the point warning, one that screamed 'If you say another word about it i'm gonna throttle you.' Clearly pushing a button in the man.

Jesse defensively threw his hands up and stood back a little. "Was just sayin'." He said as Ellie rolled her eyes. 

"C'mon we got work to do." She sighed. "See you guys." She hummed her goodbye, making you send her a quick nod.

"Later kiddo." Joel grumbled as he started to finish up.

"You're such a dick sometimes." Ellie scolded Jesse in the hall quietly as they walked out. 

You and Joel sat quietly for the rest of his help before he pulled back, moving to hand you your shirt. "All done." He said quietly before moving to go put his boots on. 

"Thank you." You mumbled, carefully putting your shirt on before moving to your sneakers, slipping into them with ease ahead of grabbing your jacket. Slipping the semi warm material before zipping it up about midway. 

Joel stood by the door and waited for you patiently. "You wanna get some breakfast on the way there?" He asked as you walked out in front of him.

You practically moaned at the idea. "Hell yeah. I'm starving." You told him as you waited for him to lock up behind you. 

You both started walking down to the Dance hall, stopping into Seth's on your way there. The old grump looked particularly grumpy today. But you tried to shrug it off as you walked over to the bar. "Hey Seth." You smiled politely putting a cute little ring to your voice. 

He looked at you and gave a pursed smile. "Hey, What can I do for you today?" He asked. 

"What you got on the breakfast menu?" You hummed leaning forward on your good arm as Joel stood beside you, a little bit behind. 

Seth leaned against the bar in front of you. "We got scrambled egg and bacon sandwiches if you want some?" He offered. His gaze floating to Joel every so often. 

You licked your lip at the thought. "That sounds heavenly, Sure thing." You hummed. "I'll take two to go if that alright?" You asked as Joel stood closer beside you.

Seth was a weird guy in general, really old fashioned. The type of dude to always spurt out 'back in my day!' before following it up with some either racist or homophobic shit. And he was really big on manners too. So whenever you talked to him you'd try to take the more 'unsure' or polite approach just to make sure he wouldn't spit in your food before giving it to you. 

He gave you a friendly nod before retreating back into the kitchen to grab you them. 

"You're such a kiss ass sometimes." Joel grinned, leaning his hands on the bar next to you.

You couldn't help but smile as you turned your head to him. "I am no such thing!" You defended. "Why am I a kiss ass?" You asked standing up straight.

Joel cleared his throat for a second before putting on his best attempt at your voice and accent. "Hey Seth. Oh what's on the menu? Oh wow that sure sounds heavenly. Is it okay if I take two? Thank you Seth." He grinned.

You couldn't help but let out the small laugh you had building up in you, punching him lightly in the arm "Okay first of all, I didn't say that and second of all you're right that's exactly what I sound like." You joked, your smile growing larger hearing his deep chuckle.

Seth eyed you both up as he brought out the wrapped up sandwiches. "Here you both go." He interrupted, holding them out to you. 

You took them gently and handed Joel's to him. "Thank you Seth, these smell gorgeous." You complimented before wandering off. Joel trailing behind you. 

It didn't take you or the older man long to finish the food in your hands, both of you scoffing it before you made it to the dance hall. 

Joel walked in first to see a few people marching around, doing their own things and setting stuff up. His eyes searching for Tommy through the crowd of people. 

You stuck behind him a little as you wandered through, people coming over to ask if you were okay, word got around quickly in Jackson. Which was a blessing but also a curse in many different ways. 

You beamed a smile at Tommy who'd spotted you behind Joel, offering you his own smile in return. "Morning Tommy." You greeted as Maria wandered her way over too.

"Morning." He said briefly before looking at his brother. "I see you found her pretty quickly." He teased. A grin tugging at his lips as he implied whatever it was he was trying too.

"Met her on the way here." Joel shot back defensively. The poor man wasn't having any luck with people prying at him today. 

Before anything else could be said Maria butted in. 

"I heard about your's and Derek's argument yesterday. You alright?" She asked gently, putting her hand on your shoulder briefly. 

"Argument?" Joel piped up, his back straightening a little as he tensed. A hint of annoyance in his voice, telling you that he wasn't happy you didn't inform him. 

You sighed softly and rubbed your arm a little. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. He was-" You sighed. "He was just giving me shit about patrol yesterday." You admitted.

Tommy looked at you, his brows furrowing. "Giving you shit about what?" He questioned. 

You looked between him and Maria, completely avoiding Joel's gaze as you could feel it burning holes into your face. "Just about how he should have come on patrol with us. Me going into the lock up on my own. Claiming that I shouldn't have to do it myself." You huffed. Your blood boiling lightly at the thought of the stupid shit he had said.

"You're a grown woman." Maria argued your point.

"Exactly, that's what I said. But noo he was more willing to send Emmy through than me." You huffed. Earning a surprised look from all of them. They knew Derek could get a little protective of you, but to wanna offer up a teenager to infected in a locked room? That's just harsh. 

"He was probably just worried." Tommy tried to defend. It was a weak defence but at least no one could say he didn't try. 

You thought that keeping the stuff he said specifically about Joel to yourself was a good idea right now, and judging by the mans reaction to the brief of the argument you did give, it was a good shout.

Joel just huffed and moved away to go help where he was needed, making you sigh gently. "There he goes..." You grumbled as you watched him, before snapping yourself out of it and turning back to Tommy and Maria. "So what can I help with?" You asked, offering yourself up for anything. 

Maria was quick to pull you aside and take you to help her with certain preparations, while Tommy moved to go help Joel. 

If there was one thing Maria was good at doing, it was barking orders and taking your mind off of things. Which she did, by making you help out with drink prep and such, making sure there would be enough, and that it could be controlled. As much as tonight was for everyone to enjoy, there were still gonna be families around and involved so you didn't want any one drunkenly acting up, even though there was always one. 

You only stopped when she forced you to have a break, every time she looked over to you, you were holding your arm gently. The constant movement on it making you ache. 

"Alright. You need a time out." She chuckled as she walked over. "Step away from the glasses and go do me a favour by going over and giving this to Tommy." She said handing you a small key chain that had a few keys on it. 

You gladly took it, swinging the keys around your finger as you walked across the entire hall over to Joel and Tommy. "Hey..." You said softly brushing your hand across Joel's lower back as he tried to lift something up to someone, making him falter in his movements a little. 

Tommy pretended that he didn't see the small act between you and smiled brightly at you. "Hey." He breathed out. 

You held up the keys in front of him and hummed. "Maria wanted me to give you these." You told him as Joel finished lifting, turning his own attention to you. 

Tommy took them gently from you before nodding, attaching them to his belt. "Ah! Thank you." He hummed before looking between you and Joel. "You gonna stick around for the dance?" He asked you curiously. 

You smiled and nodded. "Sure am." You hummed before looking at Joel. "And you best turn up too. Because you owe me a dance." You smiled, your cheeks going slightly darker, realising just how to the point you were.

Stupid Joel mannerisms rubbing off on you.

"Oh do I now?" He asked, his accent thick through the sentence as he looked down at you, his hand resting gently on his belt.

"Mhm!" You bubbled. "And if you don't i'm gonna get real upset." You teased. 

"And that's my problem how?" He asked leaning down to you gently. His smile growing wide enough to show off a little teeth. 

"Well I'm gonna make it your problem." You purred, your heart skipping a beat as you saw that smile. 

You were pulled out of your little trance by Tommy. 

"Oh hey, Derek!" He said rather obnoxiously loud, as if to give you both warning of his arrival.

Joel took a step back before glaring at Derek for a moment. His attention being shifted back to the guys that needed help with the lifting. An aggravated huff leaving his lips as he did so. 

Derek watched Joel move away with his eyebrow furrowed. Not understanding the other's annoying, but just assuming that was just Joel being Joel. 

You turned to him, a deep sigh vibrating through your chest. "Derek." You greeted sourly. Earning a hiss from Tommy who was now really starting to see just how much Derek had annoyed you.

"Babe I-" 

"Don't babe me." You growled lowly. Letting the other know where you still stood. 

He sighed gently and drooped his shoulders down. "Alright, I get it you're still mad at me-"

"Not quite the word I'd use." You mumbled to yourself as you looked around, hoping for some escape away from him.

As Derek tried to talk to you Tommy slipped away quietly, moving over to his brother who was tensely moving chairs and such about. 

Tommy watched the man working in silence. The tension between his shoulders tight enough to turn coal into diamonds. "What was that back there?" He spoke up quietly, quiet enough that no one would hear, just enough for Joel.

"What was what?" Joel quipped. Not stopping what he was doing. 

"You know what I'm talking about big brother." He sighed. "I ain't seen you smile like that since-"

" _Nothin'_ is goin' on there." Joel snapped quietly, glaring at his brother with practically no effort, His eyes showing the slightest hint of annoyance. Before he moved back to the chairs. 

Tommy sighed and pat Joel on the shoulder, "You know i'm with you." He said quietly, not needing to add any context for Joel to understand, before moving to watch you talk with Derek from a distance.

"Look I just, I came to find you since you weren't at your place last night." Derek tried to explain. "I got worried."

You just looked at him for a moment. "Oh so now you're going into my house when I'm not there?" You asked. 

"I just wanted to try and mend-" 

"Also didn't I specifically tell you yesterday morning that I was going to Ellie's for game night?" You added. 

Derek looked at you for a second. "But you weren't at Ellie's." He told you. "I came looking for you." 

You raised an eyebrow at him. "You don't have to keep tabs on me all the time you know that right?" You huffed as you started to walk away. "For the record game night was at Joel's!" You called back, turning away before you could see Joel's head pop up at the mention of his name. Watching you storm away from a rather pathetic looking Derek. 

Tommy chuckled gently as he walked over to Derek, patting him on the back. "See you at the dance tonight." He grinned before walking off to wherever he needed to be. Hearing Derek scoff as if going to the dance was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard. 


	13. I wouldn't call the dance a success.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Alcohol use, certain drunk characters (I don't wanna spoil anything but I feel like there should be a warning?), Mentions of past trauma on reader,_
> 
> The song I was thinking of for your's and Joel's dance is [Ecstasy - Crooked Still](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFUimD3HmD8)

You'd finished up for the dance a few hours before it was time, giving you time to go back home and relax a little, and by relax I mean go find something cute to wear.

You never really dressed up for the dances in the past but now you had a reason.

Joel Miller.

That was it. That was your reason. For the first time in a long time you wanted to look nice for someone. Within your's and Derek's relationship you never really cared about looking good, it was just a plus if he commented on how good you looked. Proving to you that you didn't have to try for people to find you attractive.

But something about Joel liking how you looked in clothes made your heart skip a beat. And if he knew you'd dressed like it just for him? Oh double points. 

You had to be sensible about it because the weather wasn't exactly warm enough for you to have everything on display but you didn't have a problem with keeping your tank top on and changing your other clothes to match it, hopefully they also kept you warm on cold spring nights. 

First thing to note was that you changed out of your sports bra, throwing it to the side to be washed before rummaging for a cute one that would stick out a little. You hummed and grinned lightly as you went through your draw. "Bingo." You said rather cornily to yourself as you pulled out a navy laced bra, a more showy one, it had cute little frills outlining it down to a deep cut v in it. Sure it was a little worn but wasn't everything in the apocalypse? You were doing what you could with whatever you could.

You threw it on the bed before looking to see if you had any matching underwear. Sadly you didn't so you went for a thin black thong with a cute small bow on the front of it. 

As much as you were doing this to impress Joel, it was also to make you feel good about yourself. Which you're allowed to do. If you're not happy wearing something, then don't wear it. Well that's what you go by anyway, especially now, living in Jackson giving you the opportunity to wear more than one set of clothes. 

You moved away from your underwear drawer to the pants draw, taking out the first pair of skinny ripped jeans you could find and pressing them to your nose, using the good old smell test to see if they were okay to wear. 

Which they were. 

You grinned going through your closet, trying to find a jacket that wasn't too tight on the arms. Giving you the wriggle room you needed with your bandages. Too which you found the perfect one. A large leather jacket sat in front of you, calling out to you. It wasn't something you'd normally wear but you picked it up while out on patrol a year or so ago and you were just waiting for the perfect opportunity. You actually might have lent it to Dina once. 

You took it out and threw it onto the bed with a hum. 

You were gonna stick with sneakers today since your boots had been giving you trouble over the past week or so and wearing a different pair of shoes for once had helped you realise that you needed a break from them.

You got yourself ready pretty quickly and walked over to the mirror to look at yourself.

Not bad. Not bad at all. 

You pulled your tank top down a little to tuck into your jeans as you looked over yourself, a few bruises showing on your chest but it wasn't exactly something you cared about. Taking a deep breath you moved to make your way out of the house. Petting Deaky a little before closing the door behind you. 

-

The dance hall was full, full of smiling happy people, who were just enjoying their time with their families and friends. And you couldn't think of anything better. 

Times like this reminded you of why you kept going. Of why you left FEDRA. You were looking for something like this. The Jackson family could be a bit of a shit show sometimes, but it was your shit show, and one you were happy to defend at all times. 

You wandered in even further, feeling a few eyes following you. You swallowed down your growing anxiety before making your way over to Tommy. At least you assumed it was Tommy, you'd know the back of that big head from a mile away. 

You smiled brushing your hand against his back to let him know you were there. Earning a smile from him and one from Maria.

"Look at you!" He cooed a little, earning a chuckle from Maria.

"Big jacket." She commented.

You rolled your eyes and tried to brush it off. "It's comfy. Not too big though right?" You asked a strain of worry coating your words.

She shook her head, "Not too bad at all. I've just never seen you wear it." She pointed out.

"It's been sat in my closet for like a year, and since having the wonderful trail of stitches up my arm I thought why not bust it out." You told her. 

She smiled and sipped at her drink. "How are those stitches anyway?" She asked as Tommy wandered away briefly. 

"They're feeling better." You admitted. "I don't know whether its because of the meds Caleb sent over for me or what, but they feel alright. A lil itchy." You chatted aimlessly. Your conversation continued a little longer before you spotted Tommy practically dragging Joel over by his arm.

"Oh so you did decide to show?" You jested. Earning a breathy chuckle from him as he tried to keep his eyes on your face. 

"Well the threat of you givin' me grief for not being here was too big to risk." He claimed as he sipped at what you would assume is whiskey. 

You smiled, rolling your lips together a little nervously. "Well then my threat worked." You told him as Tommy and Maria stepped away quietly to leave you talk.

Which you did. Both of you aimlessly talking for the next hour or so while everyone did their things around you. The songs switching out periodically. Some folk songs playing, others being early 2000's remixes. Not that you minded, The older of the adults all seemed to get hyped when a classic was played. Which made the energy in the building so much better. 

You put your drink down that you'd finally finished nursing before taking your jacket off, placing it next to your drink. You looked at him with a small semi smile gracing you. "C'mon." You whispered gently, grabbing his hand and leading him through the sea of people who'd gently began to sway with their partners to the soft instrumental of Ecstasy.

Joel downed his whiskey, hoping it would calm his nerves before putting the glass down next to your's, letting you drag him in hesitantly. 

You picked out a small space between a few other's before moving to put Joel's hand on your hip, letting him put his other one as you moved your hands to his shoulders, slowly running them over the tense flesh. "Just relax." You urged quietly, your voice calm and collected as you gently started to move. Your hips swaying lightly as you egged him to do the same.

It wasn't long before you were in a steady rhythm. 

You looked up at him with the perfect smile painting your face. You were calm, happy, content. Whatever you wanted to explain it with. It was with him. "You look good." You told him softly. 

He scoffed quietly, his eyes never leaving your's as you talked and swayed, even though his paranoia urged him to make sure that no one was watching. 

Fuck it, let them watch.

He snapped out of it and looked down to your lips before back up to your eyes. "You're one to talk..." He practically whispered. 

You'd never seen Joel Miller nervous. It was an odd side to him. But cute. 

You scrunched your eyebrows a little at his reply.

"I'm trying to say you look good." He sighed. "More than good." He almost squeaked out, his voice giving out half way through as you started to play with the back of his hair.

Struggling through that sentence was worth it for him, considering the smile it had put on your face. He'd call you beautiful in every language he could learn if it gained him that reaction. 

Everything seemed to slip away around you as you danced. Nothing interrupting you. Nothing disturbing either of you. It was a dance. No one should question it. 

Except people who knew you were. 

Tommy and Maria stood on the side watching you both, a gentle smile gracing Tommy's face watching as you forced his brother to dance. Something he would've never gained the courage to do himself. Not with you at least.

"He really likes her huh?" Maria asked quietly.

"It gettin' that obvious?" Tommy uttered.

Maria looked at her husband before turning back to look at her brother in law. "I've never seen him look at anyone like that." She muttered.

Across the hall from them was Ellie and Dina, stood out of the way, swaying gently together, both of their eyes on Joel and you. 

"You think they mean anything by it?" Dina asked quietly. 

Ellie watched as you swayed happily with Joel, seeing him like that making her want you to be a thing. "I don't know..." She faltered, brushing off another question about you both.

Dina sighed, leaning her head against Ellie's shoulder. "You can't keep avoiding it forever." She gently intoned. 

Ellie was quiet for a minute. "Neither can they..." 

You could feel your heart getting a little heavy as the song started to end. Not wanting the dance to end. 

But before you could say anything you could hear an oh so familiar voice slurring your name.

Joel's grip on you tightened for a moment before he let you. His eyes sharp behind you as you turned around.

"Uh oh." Ellie and Tommy collectively muttered unbeknown to the other as they started to sift their way through people.

"What the fuck!?" Derek drunkenly slurred as he made his way towards you.

You pushed yourself off of Joel before turning to face him fully as you walked towards him. 

"So you're gonna stay mad at me for- For caring about you and behind my back dance with him!?" He slurred heavily, his entire being reeking of alcohol.

You glared at him. "Will you keep your god damn voice down." You tried to shush him. 

"No! Fuck you!" He spat. 

Joel forced his way in front of you and rolled out his shoulders, making himself look bigger. Which he really didn't need help with. "You need to back off." He said trying to keep his cool.

You could feel your cheeks going red with embarrassment as the men bickered. 

Derek scoffed and flailed his arms about a little. "No fuck you Joel! The whole reason we argued is because of you in the first place!" He accused.

You blinked in surprise at the bold statement before realising Joel was inching closer to him as if ready to pounce, Your drunken boyfriend stumbling forward. 

"Okay! No. This is not happening." You growled taking control of the situation, moving yourself in front of the two before looking at Joel. "You need to keep a cool head." You warned as you watched Tommy and Jesse step up behind him before you turned to Derek.

"And you!" You growled. "Are gonna come outside with me and have a time out." You instructed as you turned him around, pushing him out of the door, keeping your face down as much as you could to stop the embarrassment climbing up your cheeks further. 

Once you were outside with him, you looked back in to see Joel's eyes following you carefully, Tommy stood in front of him talking him down, That's what you assumed he was doing. 

You waited for the music to start back up before you turned to Derek.

"What is your fucking problem?!" You fumed. "Not only are you making a big deal out of a dance, but you turn up absolutely fucking mullered! Cursing like a sailor in front of families!" You ranted.

Derek looked accusingly at you. "Well if you'd just came to see me then I wouldn't be-"

"You're kidding me right?" You retorted, cutting him off mid sentence. "If I had come to see you-" You were gobsmacked by how childish he was being right now. 

"You're a grown man." You growled. 

A few people who were stood outside the venue watched with intrigue as you had a domestic. 

" _Oh no, I said some awful shit that rightfully made my girlfriend mad at me. Where's my sympathy card. Oh what? It's a day later and she's still mad at me, for not only insulting her, but insulting someone she cares about? Boohoo._ " You mimicked him terribly.

"Suck it up Derek." You hissed.

He scoffed at you before stumbling forward a little pointing a finger at your chest. "No wonder you fit in so well with FEDRA. You're still a heartless bitch, maybe you should have stayed with them." He sneered. 

You felt your shoulders drop at the mention. Your heart sinking completely as he used one of your biggest insecurities against you. You clenched your jaw and made to turn away as he realised just how harsh what he said was.

"Wait! Y/n I-" He started as he roughly grabbed your bandaged arm, making you yelp out loudly in pain as you crumpled up into yourself a little, your stitches burning hot as he tugged at them unknowingly.

Before anyone could see what happened Joel had barged into him. Completely shoving him off of you and to the floor with a hefty bit of force.

You couldn't help the tears that started to break past your eyes at the pain, a small cracked sob escaping you as you held your arm shakily. 

Joel was ready to hurt him. Having to watch you argue from a distance was one thing, but witnessing that mistake the man made, in what felt like slow motion flicked a switch in the older man. 

Not long after Joel had sprinted out, Tommy and Jesse came bursting after him. Ellie making her way quickly, followed by Dina and Maria. 

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Joel enough!" Tommy called to him, Moving in front of him to stop him lifting his fist. "Enough brother, this ain't worth the time." He tried to calm. 

Ellie came straight to your aid, looking at you with nothing but worry as Derek started shouting insults at you once again. This time you couldn't even make out the utter garbage he was spitting. 

You blinked out a few tears before looking over to Jesse and Tommy who were really struggling to keep Joel pinned away. 

You could hear Ellie yelling back at Derek with Dina keeping her at a distance as you made your way forward to Jesse, putting your hand on his arm gently, earning a worried look from him.

"Joel." You said gently. Hoping that you didn't have to put much more effort into it than that. 

Unluckily you were wrong.

You sighed and took a breath gathering up enough to choke out another sob. "Joel!" 

His head snapped from looking at Derek, slightly to the left of him where you were stood, your eyes already bloodshot from trying to keep your tears in and your cheeks were red from all of the emotions you could possibly think of right now. 

"Now is not the time." You tried to tell him. "Just leave it." You said walking forward, your hand never leaving your arm. "Please..." You practically begged, your lip quivering gently as you were ready to burst into tears once again at any moment. 

You watched as Tommy and Jesse had some of their strain taken off of their arms as Joel let up a little. 

Maria walked out with a few others and glared at all of you, Well, Joel and Derek. She was specifically targeting her angry gaze towards them. "We'll take Derek, Tommy you go with Them." She ordered before sending the two larger men with her, over to grab Derek. 

"Right!" She called out. "Shows over! Go on back inside! It's nothing important!" She told everyone. People slowly turning their attention from it all as they were ushered back into the building. 

You hadn't broken your gaze from Joel's, hoping that keeping his attention from Derek would calm him down a little. 

Finally you, Tommy, Jesse, Ellie and Dina managed to get Joel to start walking towards his house. You stood close to him as you all walked in silence. The only thing being heard was every ones breathing. Joel taking deep short breaths, Tommy and Jesse panting a little from keeping Joel back, and Ellie and Dina's as they kept up with the speed you were all walking. 

You all assumed you were heading to Joel's, considering that's the general direction you'd started to walk in. The joint idea all taking you to his front door as he took the key out and practically punched it into the poor frame. 

You all walked in, single file as he threw the key down on the side and shrugged his jacket off, throwing it over a chair.

"Take a few deep breaths Joel." Tommy tried to say helpfully.

"I am!" He hissed back, making all but Tommy jump. 

Ellie tapped your shoulder lightly before bringing you over to the kitchen. "Lemme see your arm." She instructed softly, The bandage around where he grabbed starting to look a little more bloody. 

You were to exhausted to argue, that whole thing taking every ounce of energy out of you. Slowly you raised your arm to unwrap the bandages to see the damage. 

Ellie carefully moved your arm around trying to take in as much as she could. "I think he's just disturbed the stitches." She said softly, Dina backing up her theory. 

You took a deep breath and nodded, staying silent.

"You alright?" Dina questioned quietly. 

You could feel your eyes starting to well up once more as she asked the simple question. "I really fucked that up." You sobbed quietly. 

Normally you weren't one for tears but this wasn't a situation you'd ever found yourself in. And honestly it was kinda terrifying. 

Dina's eyes softened as she moved to comfort you, while Ellie cleaned up what she could of your arm. "No, No you didn't fuck anything up." She hushed. "Men are dicks sometimes. They can't control it." She hummed trying to make you feel better.

"That's why I stick to women." Ellie joked, hoping to put a smile on your face. 

She succeeded a little, the corner of your lips tipped up before falling back into that miserable frown. 

You stood still, listening to Joel ranting in the dining room, while Tommy did his best to cool him down. Jesse standing on the guide lines watching the younger Miller handle it. While Ellie bandaged your arm back up for you, moving to find some pain killers. 

"I don't care who the fuck he thinks he is! There ain't no way I was gonna let him do that Tommy!" Joel ranted, Flailing his arms about as he got it out.

"I know, I know but-" 

"You cannot tell me you were gonna let that go?!" He insinuated.

"Now I didn't say that. Don't put words into my mouth." Tommy bit back, putting his hands on his hips. "Because I ain't lettin' it go and neither will anyone else. What he did was wrong, we know that but-" 

You were pulled out of listening by Ellie who had a glass of water and two pills in her hand, letting you take the pills before gently handing you the water. Watching you tip your head back as you swallowed them. 

Jesse walked into the kitchen and tapped, Dina and Ellie on the shoulders, motioning towards the door. 

As much as Ellie wanted to stay, Jesse explained that Tommy just wanted to get Joel to calm down, and that they all had work to do in the morning and he wasn't gonna let them lose sleep. Even though they would all most likely be thinking about what happened all night.

As soon as they left you made your way to the dining room, playing with your fingers nervously.

Both of the brother's looked up upon noticing your presence. 

"Hey..." You said quietly. 

Tommy watched as Joel walked around the table to you, His stance stiff as he made his way over. 

"Hey." He practically whispered. Not knowing whether he was gonna still be loud or not. 

He moved his hand to your chin and checked your face over, Making sure that he only grabbed your arm. "How's your arm feeling?" He breathed, trying to force himself to calm down in front of you.

You let out a shaky breath. "It hurts." 

Tommy walked over carefully, feeling like any sudden movements towards you was gonna set his big brother off. "We'll get this sorted in the mornin' alright?" He asked wearily. The bags under his eyes growing bigger by the second. 

You gave a gentle nod before he tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear. 

"Maybe it's best if you stay here tonight." He offered. "If- If that's okay with you." He said looking between the both of you.

Joel gave a simple nod and you added your own to it. 

"I'd like that." You said quietly.

Tommy nodded and made his way to the door. "You keep him grounded alright?" He semi teased. Hoping that just by having you around Joel wouldn't want to go hunting Derek down. 

You nodded giving a gentle salute as you closed the door behind him. Turning around and taking a deep breath as you saw Joel standing there watching you.

You moved forward and walked towards him, practically jumping onto him as you wrapped your arms around his torso, burying your head into his chest. 

After a second to process what was happening Joel loosened up and wrapped his arms around you carefully.

"Lets get you t'bed." He grumbled edging you back towards the stairs. 

You nodded quietly as he led you up to his room.

As much as you liked to think you were gonna fall asleep. You knew just how unlikely it was.


	14. The morning after.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: PTSD induced nightmare, Graphic depiction of death, Panic attack,_

Even though you thought you wouldn't fall asleep, as soon as your head hit that pillow you were out like a light. 

Thankfully Joel was comfortable enough with you to let you sleep in your underwear and tank, like he should be since he'd literally felt your insides. After you'd both gotten comfortable, you half asleep tucked yourself into his side while he laid awake for an hour or so. His brain struggling to shut out of fight mode. 

After a while he could feel his eyes getting heavy, the sounds of your calmed breathing, filling up the room quietly like some sort of white noise for him. Knocking him out completely. 

_You kept a straight face as you marched past a few of your fellow soldiers. Your hands grasping your gun tightly as you scoped everything out. It was your turn to go on outside duty of the QZ which you fucking hated normally. But today seemed like you had something interesting going on._

_A few, what you would assume smugglers, were caught trying to get out to find their route to their next destination._

_You were sent looking for the last two, normally with deals as big as theirs they would travel as two pairs._

_You waited patiently as your colleagues interrogated the two that they'd found. Threatening them with more than a bullet to the skull if they didn't comply._

_That's when you could see movement between a dumpster and an overturned truck._

_You crept over to it with your gun raised, Your finger on the trigger ready to pull it at any moment, whether it was at infected or not._

_"Come out!" You growled, your voice stern and demanding. "I will not hesitate to shoot!" You warned._

_As soon as you implied that you were gonna shoot them, a man stood up. His hands were high in the air as he tried to work with you. "Okay! Okay! Please just don't shoot."_

_You watched as he moved around to come into full view. You sighed a little before leaning down to your radio. "Male straggler just outside of Sector 12, East. What do you advise? Over." You spoke clearly._

_"Qz running low. Action required. Eliminate target." A woman barked through the device. "Over."_

_Before the man could beg for his life you shot him. Without a second thought being taken into account._

_It wasn't until you heard a young voice scream out before a small girl and a woman appeared out from behind the dumpster._

_You froze on the spot as the woman tried to stop the blood gushing from the man's neck. "Oh fuck..." You mumbled,_ _before shifting back into soldier mode. Y_ _ou didn't think these were smugglers._

_You pointed your gun at them sternly. "Hands up right fucking now!" You growled._

_The woman looked up at you with tears streaming down her face as she finally gave up trying to save the man, lifting her blood soaked hands shakily edging the girl to do the same._

_You looked between them both for a second before taking a breath. Pressing your radio again. "We have another two. Possible Fireflies. Over." You said a little shakily as you noticed the woman's Firefly tags dangle from around her neck._

_"Age and sex? Over." The woman asked._

_You scrunched your eyebrows wondering why they were asking that. "What's the relevancy?" You asked. "Over."_

_"General's orders. Answer the question Private L/n. Over." She spoke._

_You looked at the two girls before leaning towards your radio. "Uh, An adult and child. Both female. Child seems to be between 6-8. Woman looks mid to late 30's. Over."_

_Everything was quiet for a second before the radio static crackled once more. "Eliminate the child. Contain the woman. Over."_

_You could feel your chest get tight before you turned to the woman. "Eliminate the child?... Ma'am she's just a kid. Over." Her skin growing pale as she heard the command. Before she could lunge at you, two of your unit knocked her down, smacking her in the back of the head with their guns to get her to the floor properly._

_"You've done it before, and you'll do it again. Get on with it Soldier. That is an order." She growled angrily through the radio. "Over."_

_"DON'T PLEASE- TAKE HER AND KILL ME!" She begged as loudly as she could through her panicked breathing. Struggling and crying against the two men that were stood on her arms to keep her down. One with their knee on her back._

_You turned from the mother and looked at the girl who was rightfully shaking._

_"Mommy!?" She panicked, frozen in place with fear as you pointed your gun at her._

_"Please!" The woman cried at you, her petrified gaze catching your ruthless one as you straightened out your shoulders, Aiming perfectly at the child. "Please don't!"_

_You put yourself back into the soldier mindset before pulling the trigger. The only thing louder than the bang of the gun being the woman's shrill shriek as she fought ten times harder against the men._

_"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!! YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DIE!!"_

You gasped yourself awake and slung yourself into a sitting position. Your rushed and strained movements, jolting Joel awake as you covered your mouth. 

"Y/n?" He questioned tiredly before noticing your panicked state as he sat forward. "Whoa, Hey, hey it's-" He was cut off as you let a sob out.

You could barely hear him as the blood started to pound in your head, Your heart banging against your rib cage as if it needed to escape. You pulled your shaky hand away from your mouth to try and speak but nothing other than a broken barely audible sob leaving you, making your vision blur as your eyes watered up. 

This was truly the perfect time for a panic attack. 

You felt as Joel moved to put his arms around you, pulling you protectively to his chest. "You're alright." He tried to soothe, his voice full of sleep. "You're okay." 

Your throat felt dry and your chest ached as you suffered through the moment. You felt like you could be sick. Like you were going too. 

Your ears burned and your neck felt hot as you could feel bile start to creep up your throat, in hopes of making you feel sick. "I-I" You started as you tried to get yourself together, fully knowing that you were having a panic attack but trying not to lash out about it. 

"I'm here." He reassured. "I'm always here." He whispered, his face buried into your hair. You were boiling hot. But judging by how hard you were gripping onto his shirt you didn't want him to let you go. 

After a few more minutes of trying to cool down you were finally able to listen to what Joel was saying.

"I'm gonna go get you a drink alright?" He asked, peering his head down to try and see your face.

You tightened your grip on his shirt a little, afraid to let go. Before giving in and nodding. 

Joel nodded, slowly and softly covering your hand with his, pulling it from his shirt that was now stretched out of place, specifically in that spot. 

He stood up and looked down at you from the side of the bed, a small sigh leaving his lips as he looked to your tear stained face, that lit up lightly due to the morning light starting to brush past the windows.

He leaned over the bed and wiped a tear from your cheek before pressing his lips to your head gently. "I'll be back." He promised before wandering downstairs tiredly. 

You moved to pull your knees up to your chest as much as you could, cradling yourself gently. 

After about 5 to 10 minutes you could hear Joel stumbling his way up the stairs. You lifted your head up from your arms with a small sniffle as you watched him walk towards you with two mugs of hot liquid. 

He didn't speak, he just let out a gentle grunt as he sat himself down on the bed, pulling his feet up off of the side before tucking them back under the blanket. He held one of the mugs out to you for you to take. 

Which you did, He was a little hesitant to let go, since your hands were still a little shaky, but he knew that you needed to get some sugar into you. 

You thanked him almost silently before sipping on the sweetish liquid, it tasted like tea. Not that you minded. Especially not right now. 

You took a breath after finally getting yourself to calm to the point of no longer shaking. Looking over at Joel as he sipped at his drink. "I-" You started, taking a deep breath as you closed your eyes, cuddling your warm mug between your hands. "I'm sorry..." You apologised.

Joel tried not to show any confusion as he stared out the window "About?" He asked gently.

"Waking you up. I was- I was just having a bit of a moment." You told him trying to brush off the fully thrown panic attack as if it was unimportant.

He scoffed a little as you tried to brush it off. "It happens to the best of us." He told you gently.

You nodded a little before going back to quietly sipping your drink. 

Joel looked over at you for a second before turning back to look out the window. "You uh- You mumble in your sleep." He informed you quietly.

You breathed out a laugh through your nose before nodding gently. "I know." You said going quiet once again.

"So do you." You mumbled looking at him for a second.

He let out a breath through his nose before moving his mug from his mouth. "A match made in heaven." He muttered, soon realising what he'd said. 

You didn't react outwardly. Not wanting to spook him off from opening up that little bit, but your lips curled slightly in a smile of acknowledgement. 

After a while Joel spoke up once more. "What did you mean when you said..." He trailed off not sure if he wanted to press you about your sleep talking, knowing that it might send you off again.

You turned to look at him curiously, wanting to know what he heard. 

"Eliminate the child..." He finished through a breath, noticing how quickly you tensed and straightened your shoulders out. 

You were silent. Just staring at him for a second as you contemplated an answer.

He looked away from you before shaking his head gently. "You don't gotta tell-"

"I had to kill her." You spat out. Your chest feeling tight but also some of the tension was being released as you explained. "I- We were on outside duty at the QZ... We ran into a few smugglers. So we had to start searching for more, their shipment was too big to take with just two of them." You stuttered.

Joel sat quietly and listened, something didn't feel right when you explained your time with FEDRA as if he couldn't imagine you being a cold blooded killer like the rest of them.

"I uh, saw movement behind a dumpster and told whoever it was to come out. A guy walked out, just straight up offered himself out to us. Told us not to shoot. I asked my superior for advice on what to do. She said kill him." You explained.

"So I shot him. In the neck." You breathed. "And he bled out... But as soon as I pulled that fucking trigger a woman and a kid just- came out of nowhere." You sighed. "Like without any care of consequence. Just rushed at him. Tried to stop the bleeding." 

"Was she successful?" Joel piped up quietly. 

You scoffed. "I shot him in the jugular there was no coming back from that." You informed before continuing. "I mean unless they were the ones being smuggled, we were dealing with stragglers. I called in and asked what to do about them, said that there was a woman and a child and they-" You rushed through, running out of breath.

"They told me to eliminate the child, Contain the woman." You admitted, making Joel tense a little. 

"Why?" 

You rubbed your face gently. "They were possible Fireflies, and at the time we were really struggling for information on them. So we were supposed to bring in any we could for questioning.

"But the ki-"

"The kid would just slow us down." You said coldly. "Another mouth to feed." You added. Clenching your jaw as you realised just how much you sounded like a FEDRA soldier. "That's what they said." 

Joel scooted closer to you as he listened, offering as much comfort as he could give without physically touching you. "I understand." 

"I-" You started before sighing. "I'd killed kids before. Like it was nothing. Like I was just taking out the trash or killing a spider." You explained. "But something about that day. It's kinda fucked me up." 

Joel looked at the side of your face, moving his hand to gently brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear. "That why you left?" 

You snapped out of thought and looked at him. "Huh? Oh. No." You said before moving yourself to turn away from him a little, lifting up your tank top to show a deep dark stab would scar across where your kidneys sit.

Joel was confused at first before you pointed the skin out to him. 

"She tried to kill me." You admitted. "I mean fair point she did yell " _I'm gonna fucking kill you, you're gonna fucking die_." at me when it first happened."

Joel moved his hand closer, gently brushing his fingers against the skin. "What happened to her?" He asked.

"We detained her. Took her down to a locked room." You sighed, your figure relaxing into his touch lightly. "But that wasn't the problem, or why I left. I-She-" You stuttered over your words as you tried to spit them out.

"She forgave me." 

Joel's face scrunched up as you spoke. "What?"

"She forgave me." You repeated. "I was still in my gear, at least I still had my helmet and shit on, she couldn't see my face. But when I went down to see her after getting my stitches- She didn't recognise me. It was like she'd stabbed the wrong person." 

Joel watched your face carefully as you spoke.

"She just- looked at me. Asked me who I was and where was the one she was supposed to stab." 

You rolled your nearly empty mug between your hands, soaking up the warmth as Joel moved closer, to sit behind you after you heard him put his empty mug down. 

"She told me I was too young to be the one who did it. I can't have been. She stuttered her words over and over." You gulped. 

Joel hadn't even considered your age in all of this, since he hadn't known you before, he could only picture you now. "How... old were you?" 

"19." You choked out.

Joel's shoulders sank. He assumed that you must have been over 24, and he didn't even take into consideration the time it would take to get out of FEDRA semi safely. "Jesus Christ. You were a kid you can't-"

"I still killed people after that Joel. I still cold bloodedly murdered anyone who went against FEDRA. All because I couldn't get out. I tried. So fucking hard to leave. So many times." You affirmed, jabbing your hand against the bed for a little emphasis. 

"She forgave me. Told me I didn't have to be a bad kid, that it wasn't my fault I was brought into a world like this. Told that when I was lost in the darkness, to look for the light. And what did I do? I killed for 5 more years." You huffed. "Blindly shooting my way through the darkness." You growled a little working yourself up.

"Alright, Alright." Joel tried to soothe. Resting his lips against your shoulder softly as he thought. 

You'd spilled more than you intended. If you did at all intend to tell him anything. You felt somewhat better for confiding in Joel. Maybe it felt better because of all people, you knew he wasn't gonna be one to judge. 

"Thank you for trustin' me." He whispered with a gentle kiss to your shoulder. 

You tried to roll out the strain in them as he spoke, a gentle nod coming from you as you stared at the window. 

"Who else knows?" He asked. 

You had to think for a second. "Maria and Derek know a brief. Not that exact situation though. Just that I was part of FEDRA and not the good part." You told him. 

"Maria?" He asked curiously. "Why her?"

You turned a little to bonk your head against his gently. "Considering she found my half dead ass and brought me back to Jackson while I was fighting off another ex FEDRA, I thought it might be wise to give her an explanation." 

Joel raised an eyebrow. "Another ex FEDRA was tryin' to kill you?" He asked, sure he knew people turned against each other all the time but two ex FEDRA? He assumed you'd try to help one another.

"Joel I killed a lot of people to get out of the QZ." You admitted, with no sympathy behind your words. "It's fair to say a few want me dead." 

He let out a small chuckle as your voice started to gain that normal spark it had. "Well, you and me both." He hummed against your skin. 

"How's your arm?" He questioned, pressing a few kisses closer to the bandaging. 

The change in subject and tone was very clear to you, and it was very considerate of Joel to try and take your mind off of your past and the previous nightmare. "It aches. The stitching is sore." You honestly replied, watching as he pressed his lips to your skin slowly. 

"I think it would feel amazing if you kissed it better." You teased, trying to push yourself out of a foul mood you could feel coming on. 

He gave you a chuckle before slowly and carefully lifting your arm up. "Is that so?" He hummed. 

"Mhm." You smiled, watching as he carefully started trailing kisses over the bandages. All the way down to your forearm and back up, kissing over your shoulder and up your neck to your cheek.

"You're such a romantic." You joked, earning a deep chuckle from him as you turned your head to him a little.

"I got my ways." He mumbled against your lips before pressing his own against you. 

You scoffed a little and kissed him back. "I am yet to see them." You pointed out making him raise an eyebrow at you.

Slowly as you continued to kiss, Joel moved you into his lap, giving you as much time as you needed to say if you wanted to back out sooner rather than later, but you had no objections as he pulled you in, letting you wrap your arms around his shoulders carefully. 

You hummed gently as he ran his hands over your thighs and up your back, letting his calloused fingers gently feel their way over every bump, scar and insecurity he could get his hands onto. Just taking it all in. 

You moved one hand to his cheek as you deepened the kiss more, brushing your thumb over his beard. Slowly you rolled your hips down against him to let him know that you were okay to take it further. 

He grunted against your mouth gently wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling your torso against his, making you look down at him as you kissed, his hands then moving to roam back up your shirt. 

Just as you were really starting to get into it you could hear a clear, strong knock at the door. Pushing you both out of the moment. 

You sighed with a hint of annoyance before moving to get off of Joel, His hands still lingering on your skin as you did so. You gave him a smile as he held onto your shirt. "Go answer the door." You told him as he hooked his hand under the fabric making you giggle.

"Go!" You scolded him, shoving him off of the bed to go answer while you found your bra and jeans. 

He moved to put his own jeans on messily as he stumbled down the stairs towards the door. Opening it to see Maria. 

They looked at each other for a second before Maria's eyes caught you walking down the stairs.

"You just gonna let her stand out in the cold?" You chided as Joel seemed to snap out of it and move away from the door, holding it open for Maria to walk in.

"Thanks." She said bluntly. She looked tired. 

"Where's Tommy?" Joel questioned following behind after closing the door. 

"Good morning to you too." She grumbled. "He's on his way, finishing some stuff up for the hydro plant." She explained.

You stood with your hands together, nervously playing with your fingers as you waited for Joel to speak up. 

"I see you've calmed down Joel." She said as she walked towards the kitchen.

Joel dipped his head with a sigh. You both knew why she was here but you just didn't want to deal with it just yet. But duty calls as they say.

"Yes ma'am." He said moving to boil the kettle again. 

You walked into the kitchen quietly, the sound of your bare feet against tiles being the only thing that let them know you'd followed. "Look, Maria about yesterday-" You started. 

"I don't wanna hear it alright?" She sighed. "Derek was in no right frame of mind to be at that dance last night. But that doesn't mean what either of you were doing was exactly right either." 

You pulled at your tank top a little as the woman talked, you felt like a child being told off in the principles office. You couldn't help but let your shoulders sag at Maria telling you that what you did wasn't right. Assuming she was talking about your's and Joel's dance. And by the seems of it Joel thought the same thing.

She looked between you both before sighing. "I'm not talking about your dance particularly-" She started as the door opened. Her annoyance growing more visible at the interruption.

Tommy walked in and shrugged his jacket off as he made his way to the kitchen. "Hey, sorry I'm late." He apologised as he hung the outerwear up before moving to stand next to Maria.

She looked at him for a second before turning back to you. "What I was saying was your dance was fine. There's nothing wrong with it, it's a public dance and you can do it with who you want to." She defended. 

"But the minute Derek walked into your sight Joel your stance changed." She explained. 

You were confused. What did that have to do with anything? 

Tommy noticed your confusion and spoke up. "He was ready to start fightin' Y/n. As much as we're glad and thankful that he's willin' to stick up for you, He let on that he would fight Derek." 

"And Derek being drunk would apparently not turn that down. Especially involving you." Maria added.

You looked between them for a second. "He was just trying to help." You defended the older man, scooting closer to the side of the island he was stood on. 

"We get that. But It didn't exactly stop his little lash out did it?" Tommy sighed. "But well done for how you handled it. I'm glad you split them up and took Derek outside." 

"Now we need to talk about what happened out there." Maria sighed as she took the warm cup of coffee from Joel, handing one to Tommy. "We just wanna know what he said to you that made you walk away. We didn't get a specific answer from anyone who was watching. Not one that we believed at least." She admitted. 

Your lips contorted into a frown as you thought about the argument. "Uh- I uh... Told Derek to stop acting like a child I guess, and I told him to suck it up." You mumbled a little embarrassed about your actions, thinking back on them.

You let your eyes flicker around the three other adults before they stayed on Joel. You hadn't actually told him what was said. You took a deep breath. "He then said _'No wonder you fit in so well with FEDRA. You're still a heartless bitch, maybe you should have stayed with them'_." Joel could have smashed the cup with how hard he was holding it, his knuckles going a light colour. Considering that he now knew a little bit about your time at the QZ, he was less than unimpressed.

"Jesus Christ." Maria sighed rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Alright now that changes it a little bit." She admitted. "No wonder you tried to walk away. Good on you for not going for him though." She nodded. 

Tommy moved to stand between Maria and his brother, elbowing him quietly with an accompanying not as if to say 'Y'alright?'

Joel gave a simple nod before letting out a breath. Derek might just have something to worry about after all.

You stood waiting for the older woman's input once again as you looked towards the brothers, communicating between themselves without actually speaking.

"Okay." Maria started as she'd though of what to say. "Before you make any rash decisions between you and Derek, I want you both to talk. Talk it out. Do whatever you gotta do alright." She decided. "I'll have someone go with you when you're ready." 

"Go with me where? to his house?" You asked. 

Maria looked at Tommy for a second before back at you. "No uh. We had to detain him last night before he did something he'd regret." 

You were confused for a second. "What did he wanna do?" You asked, watching Joel lean against the counter from the corner of your eye. 

Maria sighed. "He was yelling some stuff about hurting you, that's it. He was drunk and angry."

"I'll go with her." Joel shot. 

Tommy shook his head. "Nuh uh. Not happening big brother. With how close you got last night, you are staying away from him." He warned. Watching as Joel stood up and huffed like a child not getting his way.

"I'll be fine. I promise." You told him brushing your fingers against his wrist. 

Maria nodded and took a breath. "So, we're all square? Know what we're doing?" She asked. 

You hummed a 'Yes' as you watched her get ready to leave, assuming Tommy would follow her.

"You go on darlin', I gotta talk to 'em. I'll catch up." Tommy waved her off as she marched back out the door to go do whatever work was on her schedule for today.

As soon as the door closed behind her Tommy's gaze found the both of you.

You gave him a puzzled look as you wondered what he could want after that whole thing. Probably to just tell you what you were doing today or something.

He let out a sigh that you didn't quite recognise, but one that made his brother shift on his feet a little. 

"Look." He started. "As much as I'd like to brush off what's goin on between you two. I can't." He admitted. 

You could feel your chest get heavy as you listened, Tommy not exactly starting the sentence off with a positive statement. 

"Before you tell me 'It ain't nothin' brother, I know you better than you think. As much as you hate to believe it." He said raising a finger up to Joel as the older man went to speak. 

"It ain't my business." He drawled. "Well, Not all of it at least. But the last thing I want is for this to end badly." He explained. "Now don't let me tell you how to run your lives. I know that Joel can be hard work when it comes to this kinda stuff but-" He began, rubbing his face with both hands. "He sees somethin' in you. I can see that. It's getting harder and harder to miss everyday." 

You couldn't help but let a smile tug your lips as he tried to help his brother. God what you'd do for that opportunity... 

"All I'm tryna say is, there's no judgement here. Whatever you might have been doing recently (or not so recently) it's safe with me." He said patting the counter in a rhythm a few times as he stood up straight. "Anyway, I best get out of your hair. I'm gonna try and get Ellie to come with you to see Derek, to make sure that this stays close knit alright?" He said as he walked towards the door.

You followed behind him as Joel hung his head in thought. "Hey Tommy?" You called out quietly. 

He turned to you as he got to the door and raised his eyebrows. "Hm?"

You were stuck on what to say for a second before patting your thighs a little. "Thank you, for looking out for him." You said unexpectedly. 

You were both quiet for a second. 

"He's my brother." He breathed. "I'd hate to see his heart break."


	15. Maybe we need a break.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None._

Tommy had left and now it was just you and Joel, a deep sigh coming from the kitchen as you made your way back to him. "Well..." You started.

Joel was hunched over the counter with his arms straight and his palms flat against it as he lifted his head up. "Well..." He repeated quietly. 

You didn't quite know what to say. "We don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want too." You offered. Getting a general understanding of how the older man worked. You watched as his shoulders relaxed at the statement. As if a Weight had been lifted off and it gave him more time to think. 

"Let's get this ugly business with _him_ done before we talk about anything alright?" He sighed, clearly motioning 'him' as Derek. 

You nodded and rubbed your arm gently. "Yeah that's a smart idea." You replied a little awkwardly before looking around for your jacket. "Ah shit." You mumbled.

Joel raised an eyebrow at you as he stood up straight. "What?" He grumbled as he walked around the counter to you. 

"I think I left my jacket at the dance hall." You sighed, as you moved to look out of the kitchen window to look at the weather. 

Before you could mutter a word Joel moved to grab his coat. "Here." He hummed gently. "Wear this until we can get it back." He offered holding the coat ready to put over your shoulders.

You looked at him with a small smile threatening to creep its way up your face. "You don't have too. I can deal-"

"You're a little exposed right now." He pointed out a glint of protectiveness in his voice, before realising that it sounded like he didn't want people seeing you in your rather tight fitting tank. "A uh- A little exposed to the weather." He corrected as you moved forward to slip your arms carefully into the sleeves. 

"Mhm, that's what I'm exposed too." You teased as he helped you put the coat on. Moving to turn you around to face him carefully.

You put your arms down and the sleeves slipped over most of your hands, leaving the tips of your fingers bare. You looked cute. 

You scrunched your eyebrows curiously, watching the way Joel looked at you. His expression a little fuzzy as if he was arguing with himself in his head. You let him zip the garment and straighten it up.

"There..." He whispered softly holding the fabric covers around the zip as you scooted closer to him.

You looked up at him quietly and smiled. "What do you think?" You mumbled quietly, watching as he leaned down to your lips slowly.

"You look as snug as a bug in a rug." He breathed against your lips before pressing his against them. 

You indulged in the sweet kiss for a few seconds before the door swung open. Pushing you both back away from each other as your head swung in the direction of the noise to see Ellie and Dina. A bright smile plastered on Dina's face as she giggled about whatever they were talking about. 

"Jesus Christ you guys." You sighed. "You scared the shit out of me." You scolded walking over, leaving Joel where he was standing.

Ellie let a breath escape her nose before nodding towards the door. "C'mon we gotta go see Mr terrible." She told you, voicing her new clear disdain towards Derek. "Joel, Maria told me to tell you that you're on watch today, East tower until.... 6? I think. They'll tell you when you're there." She informed.

Joel nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Alright, i'll get to it. Thanks kiddo." He replied with a pursed smile.

Dina looked between both of you before she started heading out of the door ushering you behind her.

Before you could be pulled away you turned to Joel. "I'll speak to you later alright?" You smiled softly and reassuringly.

Joel let his mouth drop open a little, a shakey breath being drawn in at your smile. Something so warm and safe about it. He pushed it away before giving you a nod as he balled his fists in to his jean pockets. "I'll see you then." He nodded. "Be. Careful." He warned.

You smiled at him and raised an eyebrow. "I could kick his ass if I needed too." You promised as you left, closing the door behind you. 

If he wanted this to work out in his favour he was really gonna have to work on his communication. Well at least now he had Tommy openly acknowledge it. As much as he wanted to say that was a lose, he knew having the younger Miller speak up for him would help in the long run. And no matter what, his brother was by his side. He couldn't stand and dwell on it for long since he had a job to be doing. 

You shoved your hands into the pockets of the coat as you walked, burying your head down into the collar before taking a deep breath. It smelled just like him. As it would. Something about the smell of fresh woodwork, pine and coffee made you giddy, maybe it was because that was Joel as a person, but who knew. 

"Nice jacket." Dina commented, pulling you out of thought while she tugged on the sleeve. 

You looked at her for a second before catching Ellie in the corner of your eye as she realised you were wearing Joel's jacket. "I uh, I think I left my jacket at the dance hall yesterday." You told them. "Joel just- he was being kind-"

"I wasn't judging you." Dina grinned at your immediate defence. "I genuinely think it looks cute on you." She smiled before turning to Ellie. "What do you think babe?" She asked.

Ellie looked over you briefly before turning back to the road. "That's Joel's favourite jacket." She pointed out. Still a little off with you but you can't expect any different when you're being mixed up with her father figure in a sticky situation. 

You went quiet for a second as a semi awkward silence came over you. 

"It looks nice." She sighed softly. Realising just how strict she'd been sounding. 

"Atta girl." Dina said quietly as she butted the other's arm softly.

You continued to walk in silence towards where they were keeping Derek. It was in the old police department near the North end of the Jackson. It made sense. As soon as you saw the 'Jackson PD' sign you straightened out your shoulders, taking a deep breath as you got ready to face your boyfriend. 

All of the feelings from last night pushing their way back up your throat as you thought about it. 

You walked in first, letting Ellie and Dina trail behind you. A sour look plastering your face, immediately showing the people in there that you weren't there to fuck around. You walked further in and gave brief smiles to people before coming up to Maria. 

"Right, i'm just here to make sure you got here. No fighting alright?" She told you. As much as you'd like to say you were a little angel, forever and always. You knew you weren't and so did she. Considering you'd been here for what? 2 years now, you had been in one or two fights. For good reason, but you'd still been in them. And it was known that you weren't afraid to fight anyone who offered, even though you'd matured much more.

"You think I would do such a thing?" You replied. 

Maria stared at you for a second before she started to walk away. "I mean it." She warned before walking out. 

You were taken down to one of the holding cells where Derek laid on the metal bench with his arm covering his eyes. A deep groan escaped him as the light flickered on from movement. 

He looked up as the cell door unlocked and you stood with your arms crossed in the middle of it, thanking the woman that unlocked it for you before she walked away. 

"Y/n..." He sighed with relief as he sat up, moving towards you before stopping in his tracks. Looking over you, your torso being covered by Joel's large coat. 

You raised an eyebrow at him. Your eyes unimpressed as you pursed your lips. "Derek." You replied. 

He brushed off the jacket before rubbing his hair. He looked hungover, He had dark heavy dark bags under his eyes, and his usually clean face had a light sprinkling of stubble that you hadn't noticed the day before. His hair was dishevelled and his clothes were lightly stretched out of place as if he'd been held up by them. 

He looked at Ellie who stood behind you with a greatly threatening demeanour about her, Dina stood next to her with a disapproving look in her eyes. "Can we not talk alone?" He asked you, stepping forward a little.

The younger girl scoffed and stepped forward a little, only stopping because Dina held her arm out. "Maybe we'd let you if you didn't make the threats you had last night." She growled. 

You didn't turn to her but continued looking at him. "They stay. Whether it's by my choice or not." You shrugged. 

He sighed softly, watching as Ellie retreated back to her space. A silence creeping up the walls as he tried to figure out what to say. "Listen, I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday-"

"Here's how this is gonna go." You growled. "You don't get to say sorry. You're well past forgiveness with the shit that you said." You told him. "Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can embarrass me, In front of _everyone_ while you're drunk as shit may I add, then, when I try to push you down a peg and then you pull that shit?" You chastised. 

Derek went to make his own point but before he could, you popped off again. 

"You think that you deserve any forgiveness for pulling that FEDRA shit?" You growled looking at him. He looked a little confused. "Do you even remember what you said? What you did?" You scowled. 

He looked down for a moment, trying to hide his slight embarrassment. "I remember you, pulling me outside to talk. I... Don't remember what about though." He admitted.

You stared at him for a second, forcing yourself to unclench your jaw, knowing that if you didn't you'd crack a tooth. You took a breath. "You wanna know what you said?" You asked, and without any time to answer you started talking again. 

"You told me that 'No wonder I fit in with FEDRA'. That 'maybe I should have stayed with them'. That 'I'm still a heartless bitch.'." You croaked out through a growl. At this point you didn't care who else was gonna hear, if they had a problem then they were more than welcome to bring it to you.

Derek let out a sigh and rubbed his face before walking towards you with his arms out. "Baby I-" 

"Don't you fucking dare!" You spat out, pushing him back. Which he clearly wasn't expecting. The reaction you gained from him seeming to flare a buildup of anger. "You think that you can bring that up, call me baby and thats it!? You think that I fucking want your comfort!?" You ranted. 

" _'Oh maybe a hug will fix this failing relationship.'_ " You mocked. "I told you about my past with confidence. You know what, scrap that. I told you barely a 3rd of my past, testing the waters. And what did you do? Throw it in my face the first time we have a big argument!" 

Derek looked at you as his jaw wound up tighter, he really wasn't a fan of the mocking, as you found out last night. "Look i'm sorry, seeing you and Joel at that dance I just-"

"You just what?" You questioned. "Am I not allowed to have male friends?"

"I didn't say that did I? I just, I didn't like you dancing with him." He admitted. Which was fair. But within your situation you were about to argue that point. 

You clenched your jaw lightly. "You've never had a problem with me dancing with your friends at the dance?" You pointed out. "I mean, You've seen me dance with, Dylan, Riley, Dutch and there's probably a few more. You've laughed and chuckled like its nobodies business, but as soon as its not a friend of yours what? You feel threatened?" You questioned. 

He looked at you for a second. Like he was thinking. "I..." He trailed off.

You sighed. "We need to take a break." You told him straight. Earning a little bit of a surprised look from Dina. "I just... I'm going through a lot right now and what you put on me last night crossed the line." You admitted. 

His shoulders sank and he chewed the inside of his lip. "We can work through it together, if you'd just talk-" 

"I don't want... to talk to you about it." You sighed as he moved closer. "I think we're past talking about it. Well past that." You told him. 

You didn't think you'd feel bad for this. This was the better outcome, you didn't have to worry about Derek in your business anymore. Even though you had the slight idea that he wasn't gonna exactly give up on trying with you. You did say only a break after all. 

He looked over your shoulder at Ellie who was just watching him. She looked like she felt awkward. Like she knew something Derek didn't. Which made him curious. 

"If any of your shit is at my place i'll drop it off to you when I get the chance. But right now I need to go." You explained gently, coming back to your normal level headed self.

He nodded softly as you turned around, moving past Ellie and Dina who followed you out. 

Once you were outside you took a deep breath. Putting your hands back into your pockets once more. 

"That went... Better than expected." Ellie admitted. Earning a nod from Dina.

You hummed a little before they started to brief you down on what Maria told you to do today, there were only a few things on your list, Take over the basket of blankets to the nursery, take a few bags of feed to the stables before heading home for the day. Understanding that maybe you needed the time away from everyone. Which you honestly did. You didn't know why going on this break with Derek had put you down so much. Surely you'd be happy to be out of it so that you could pursue your's and Joel's right?

Maybe it was guilt. You'd actively been looking for a reason to break up. Every conversation you had with him, you tried to pick holes into. Tried to find something to call him out on. 

_"What? you feel threatened?"_ Your words echoed through your skull as you sat down on the couch, not bothering to kick your boots off or take off Joel's coat. Deaky excitedly ran over to the couch jumping over the side of it and up next to you. You'd barely seen him recently. You pet him gently, coddling him like a baby in your arms as you thought about it.

Of course he felt threatened. Joel was a good dude, a good looking man with the personality of a thousand better. To see you dancing with him like that probably sparked up some insecurity because that's how you were supposed to dance with him. But you couldn't. 

Because you didn't love him. 

You loved Joel. 

You let your eyes water up at the frustrating realisation. I mean you knew about it anyway. But The fact that you had no control over this feeling for someone, scared you. You didn't know if he loved you back. Whether this was just a sex thing for him. It couldn't be right? Everything you've done, the small comments you've made to each other. Everything feels different.

_"You uh- You mumble in your sleep."_

_"I know... So do you."_

_"A Match made in heaven."_

You giggled a little as you sniffled, since you'd started to cry a little. It was stupid that you felt giddy about it. About everything he said. Everything he'd do. Sure he was a stubborn asshole who refuses to acknowledge anything than existing. Feelings? Nah no thank you, not for Joel Miller. 

Maybe your tears came from the fear of being alone. 

Maybe they were streaming down your face because things might not work out with Joel, and you've already shoved yourself down the steep steep hill of feelings for him, there's no crawling out of this ditch. 

And even if you could, you wouldn't want to go back to Derek now, That's even if he'd have you back. 

Before you knew it you'd fallen asleep on the couch. Tucked into Joel's coat nicely, cradling Deaky like the baby he is. 

You jumped awake to a sharp knock on the door. You looked around tiredly before looking down at Deaky who hadn't moved since you fell asleep. You rudely awoke him to put him next to you before moving over to the door as whoever was behind it knocked again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." You grumbled, flinging the door open, letting a burst of cold crisp air through. You blinked a few times as one of the street lights outside your house blinded you a little. Wait. The streetlights were on? It's night time already?

"It's dark out?" You thought aloud. 

"Sure is." Joel hummed as he stood outside. "You alright?" He asked, noticing the dried tear stains down your cheeks as he moved you back inside.

"Huh? Yeah I uh- I just fell asleep. What time is it?" You asked, moving towards the kitchen. 

"Uhh probably about 8pm." He told you, watching you move around the kitchen to get things together for the kettle.

"Coffee?" You offered. 

Joel's eyes lit up. He was just about out of his coffee. "Sure." He said before walking over to you as you started boiling the water. "I uh- I though't i'd come check on you, since you didn't come to find me afterwards." He admitted.

You smiled gently. "You're a sweetheart you know that?" You said turning to him. Watching as he leaned against the island counter. 

He scoffed a little as Deaky jumped up. "Hey lil man." He cooed quietly as the cat rubbed himself against his back. "I wouldn't say i'm a sweetheart." He shrugged. 

"Well I would." You said spinning around to get two cups. "Anyway, It went, better than expected." You told him.

Joel listened carefully as he pet the cat. 

"I told him that I wasn't happy with the way he used the only thing i've told him about my past against me." You started. "And that We needed a break." 

Joel let a sigh escape him, one that he wasn't aware he had building up. The tension in his shoulders relaxing a little at the news. When you said that it went better than expected he assumed that you patched things up. Clearly not. 

"Maybe that's for the best." He said gently.

You nodded. "I also gave him trouble for yelling at you." You admitted.

He chuckled gently as you walked over. 

"What? What is it?" You asked a small smile tugging your lips. 

Joel shook his head a little. "Nothin' You're just cute." He mused.

You dropped your mouth open and slapped his chest lightly. "I am not! I'll have you know he looked pretty scared." You said crossing your arms.

Joel raised an eyebrow. "Oh did he now?" He asked, his voice was smooth yet still deep and gravely, stepping forward to close the small gap between you. 

You looked up at him and hummed. "Yehuh. I could take him on if I needed too." You grinned. "Come to think about it I could probably take you on too." You smirked.

He chuckled deeply as he leaned towards you. "Yeah?" 

Before you could reply, Joel was quick to grab you by your hips and spin you around to pin you against the island, caging you in between his arms. "I'd like to see you try." He growled lowly. 

You could swear a small whine came from the back of your throat as he spoke. You could feel his breath on your face as he waited for you to try something.

Anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for cutting it just before the smut but i'm probably gonna write that tomorrow. I apologise for how short this chapter is, i'm trying to figure out the direction I want this work to take, i'm also working on another Joel fic at the same time. I'm sorry for making you guys wait for the smut but it'll have to do for now ;)


	16. The kitchen will never be the same.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Shameless smut, Dirty talk, Oral, Biting, Choking, swallowing_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here have a chapter with pure shameless smut because I forgot to post it the day I said I was going too ;) The next chapter will be story I promise.

Joel gaze flickered from your eyes down to your lips as you stuck your tongue out to wet them gently. Moving forward to press his own against yours a little roughly. Which you didn't mind. 

You moved your hands to wrap around his neck as you deepened the kiss, almost clashing teeth half way through as you sifted your fingers through his hair before grabbing at it gently. Teasingly tugging it. Which just seemed to work him up further. 

You giggled gently as he grunted from the hair tug. You gasped against his lips as he moved his hands from the counter to your hips, hoisting you up with ease until you were sat on the cold surface. He pulled away from the kiss, Moving to take your sneakers off of you before throwing them down somewhere in the kitchen. 

You started to unbutton your jeans quickly, unzipping them as Joel squeezed your calf. "As much as I love you in that jacket, get it off." He ordered. 

You nodded blindly as he worked on your jeans while you worked on his thick coat. Shrugging it off and slinging it next to you, watching as it slipped off of the side of the island and onto the floor. You squealed as Joel tried to pull your jeans down, almost pulling you off of the counter. Forcing you to grab the other side.

He chuckled gently as you ended up on your back. "Oops." He hummed, getting your jeans and underwear off with your help. 

You went to sit up and he put a hand on your stomach stopping you. "Oh no no. I need you like this." He purred. Grunting gently as he crouched down a little between your legs. Kissing up your calf and over your thigh, Pushing your legs apart until you could feel his hot breaths on your cunt.

You bit your lip and tried to hold yourself up to look down at him. 

"Watch your arm." He grumbled, pressing feather light kisses to your folds. 

"My arms fine." You breathed, trying to keep yourself still. "You don't have to- OhHhh~" You moaned as he practically dove in. Covering you with his mouth while his tongue lapped and traced you perfectly. 

"Oh fuck..." You panted, moving your free arm to rub over his hair, he was just out of reach for you to really grab it but right now you were just content with letting him have his way. 

You'd never met a man who practically worshipped your pussy like Joel. The way he would fuck you with his tongue, trying to push you as far along as he could, before he'd pay such special attention to your clit. Only bringing his fingers in if he wanted to make you cum faster. 

He was a master and you were glad you got the experienced version of him. Not to be selfish. 

You let yourself lay back as he worked you. His fingers massaging at your thighs while he kept you from closing them around his head. Not that he would particularly mind being trapped where he is. 

You could feel your gut getting tighter as he carried on in his perfect rhythm. Spending a bit on your click, licking and sucking at it while drawing patterns with his tongue before he'd move down to your entrance, fucking his tongue into you at a steady speed before teasing the outside while his nose would occasionally brush against your sensitive bud.

"Joel up." You panted. Wanting him inside you already.

He pulled back with a pop and chuckled. "Oh no no darlin'." He purred as he stood up momentarily. "You're gonna cum from my tongue." He ensured before moving his fingers to your mouth, brushing them against your lips as you opened up for him. "And these." He grinned whilst rubbing your clit with hit other thumb.

"Now suck." He growled as he slid his fingers across your tongue.

You hummed and closed your lips around him. Putting on quite the show as you hollowed your cheeks out. Moving your head back and forth lightly as your tongue swirled between his two fingers. You grinned around him, watching as his mouth dropped open gently, just feeling your tongue around him. 

"Fuck..." He groaned quietly, watching as you took his fingers in as deep as they'd go, Opening your mouth as you pulled back, watching your saliva drip from them. 

Joel forced himself to snap out of it as he moved back down to your pussy. Slipping his finger over your entrance before sliding them in with ease, a small groan coming from his chest as he watched his fingers disappear.

You let out a quiet drawn out moan. Rolling your hips as he went down to the knuckle.

"That feel good?" He grinned, his voice a little breathless. He let his eyes flicker up to yours as you tried to form an answer for him. The only thing coming out being garbled words. "That's what I thought." He chuckled before moving down to pay very special attention to your clit. His mouth covering it and sucking gently as he let his tongue go to work. Moving his fingers in and out of you at a decent pace. 

You rolled your eyes back and closed them as you focused on what you were feeling. Sparks trying to ignite in you as Joel drove you further. His thick calloused fingers pumping into you, over and over again. Just missing your sweet spots. 

He chuckled around your bud as he looked up to your frustrated face. Pulling away and licking his lips as he came up to your level. Keeping his fingers working. "What's the matter sweetheart?" He cooed. "C'mon you can tell me." He grinned, the filthiest undertone to his voice you could imagine. 

"Need to cum." You whined as you sat up more, forcing yourself onto his fingers. You moved your bad arm to put over his shoulder as you panted. "Joel gotta cum so bad." You mewled as he missed your spot each and every time. 

He chuckled and put his forehead against your's. "You need to cum? You wanna use my fingers?" He purred, his arm still going steady.

You tried to keep your eyes open as you nodded, moving your hips to angle him into the right place, but each time he'd move. 

"C'mon baby girl, answer me." He ordered. Purposefully brushing the pads of his fingers against your soft spot, making you moan gently.

"Yes. Fuck yes Joel wanna use your fingers." 

"Only my fingers?" He dragged out as he felt your walls start to clamp around him needily. 

"Yes! Only your fingers." You practically begged, giving him your best Doe eyes, which wasn't a problem right now since your pupils were the size of the moon. 

Before you could even comprehend what was going on Joel had started moving his hand faster, each time his fingers hit your soft spot perfectly. The palm of his hand brushed against your clit each time he pushed his digits back in. 

You used your other hand to grab his arm, Digging your nails in harshly. "Oh fuck!" You cried out as you could feel the build up getting bigger and stronger.

Joel kept his eyes on your face. Considering you were nose to nose it was a little hard not too. But god if you didn't look beautiful to him. All flustered and needy. All for him. He watched as your eyes fluttered closed and your walls completely clamped down on him before your legs started to shake.

You let out a loud guttural moan and pressed your head against his further. "Oh fuck Joel!" You moaned as you shook, your body being overcome by the orgasm he'd just given you.

"Atta girl." He purred breathlessly against your lips. "Just ride it out." He hummed. 

He slowly pulled his fingers out of you and moved to unbuckle his belt. Kicking his boots off in the process. 

You finally gathered some sort of thoughts before unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off of his shoulders. Pressing your lips to his gently but deeply with each button. 

"If I gotta have my shirt off you do too." He smirked, his voice was deep and uneven as he watched you giggle and sit back against the counter more. Giving him as much of a show as you could, pulling the thin tank top over your head. Moving to your bra, slowly letting it slip off. 

Joel's eyes practically glistened as you got naked. He dipped his head down to take one of your nipples into his mouth. Still working on getting his pants off as he played with the sensitive bud. 

You hummed and ran your hands through the back of his hair, arching your chest towards him slightly.

He didn't stop once he'd managed to push his jeans down. Kicking them to the side as he moved his hands to cup your boobs between them. Pulling away from your nipple to sloppily kiss over the skin before nipping gently. 

You gasped and tugged his hair gently, making him look up at you. 

"You ain't tied down anymore." He grinned as he took some flesh between his teeth. Sucking a dark purple mark into it. Kissing over the sensitive skin gently before pulling back with a proud grin on his face.

You looked down at the perfect little mark. "you proud of yourself?" You giggled. "You feel better now?" You hummed as he started to rub the tip of his hard cock between your slick folds. Lubing himself up.

"Mhm." He breathed as he watched you look down between you both. Gathering enough spit up to help lube him up more. Watching as it dribbled down his shaft, before his large hand came between you and grabbed ahold of the base before rubbing it in. Small laboured breaths coming from him as he bucked his hips gently into his hand before pulling you to the edge of the island. Lining himself up with your entrance before glancing up to you to make sure you were ready.

You bit your lip gently as he started to push it in. You could feel your shoulders relax as your head dropped back. "Hmm." You purred as he filled you up, Moving your legs to hang them over his forearms. Forcing you to lay your back against the cold counter. 

"Look at that..." He mumbled more to himself as he burned the image of his cock stuffing you, deep into his mind.

It wasn't long before he started moving, pushing himself into you over and over again. Filling you to the brim with each thrust. He wasn't fast and rough. It was deep, slow and careful. Not that you minded but you wondered just how long he could keep it up. 

You moaned quietly as you closed your eyes, feeling his hands grab at your thighs, each time his big monkey brain tried to make him go faster. 

You giggled breathlessly as you acknowledged his movements. "C'mon Joel. We can do this later." You tried to coax him. 

His eyes flickered up to your face, watching as you stretched your hand between you, slowly running your fingers over your clit, carefully rubbing the sensitive bud between them. "Don't you think now's the perfect time to- Fuck- To bend me over the kitchen counter?" You asked with the most innocent tone you could muster. "To really show me who I belong to." You grinned. Watching as something in his eyes changed, like a switch had been flicked. 

He pulled out and roughly pulled you off of the counter, careful of your arm as he kept you on your feet. Spinning you around to bend you over the island. Your hands slapping against the now warmed surface while he ran his cock over your soaked cunt. 

Before you could make a snide remark you were suddenly filled up by his cock again. The surprise of it making your knees weak and a little shakey. "Oh fuck Joel!" You gasped.

He snickered deeply behind you as he towered over you, His hand in the small of your back to keep it arched as he started thrusting. This time they were rough, fast. Ones that were gonna build you up to your orgasm quickly. 

You planted your hands firmly against the marble as he fucked into you from behind. All manner of filthy noises coming from his mouth as he got you both off. 

After a while he slid his hand up your back, grabbing your hair and pulling you to stand up with your back against him. Careful not to hurt you in the process as he moved his hand from your locks around to your throat. Holding you in place as he fucked up into you.

You moved your hand to his hip. Digging your nails into the flesh as he chuckled into your ear. 

"This what you wanted?" He asked, his voice guttural and deep as he squeezed your throat in his large hand. 

You could feel your core getting tighter at the action and new angle. You tried to nod but he tightened his grip more. Moving to kiss your shoulder gently before biting down onto it. Earning a gasp and loud moan from you as he sucked yet another hickey into your skin. 

Each bite he did, a dark purple mark appeared after it. 

"This prove who you belong too?" He growled, fucking up into you hard. His hips snapping against your ass. "Huh?" He breathed.

"Y-Yes Joel." You choked out through a moan. 

He smirked against the back of your ear and planted a gentle kiss. "No ones gonna see you like this are they?" He panted. Watching as you turned your head to face him. Your face stuck in pure bliss. "All for me?" He grinned.

You nodded and moved your hands to cup your boobs, playing with your nipples as he peered over your shoulder. God you were close.

Joel smirked as he felt your walls familiarly starting to tighten around him again. "You gonna cum again?" He growled 

You tried to nod once more and he gave your throat a squeeze. "Use your words darlin' Lemme hear it from that pretty little mouth of your's." He insisted.

If you could only get off to one sound for the rest of your life, You would happily pick Joel's voice. There was nothing hotter than that out of breath, gruff, needy voice bossing you around. 

"Gonna cum." You whined, rolling your hips back to meet his thrusts, making his knees buckle a little.

"Jesus Christ." He panted as he fucked into you harder. By the seems of it, he wasn't far behind. 

You bit your lip hard as you felt his other hand snake around you and down between your folds to your clit. "I ain't finishin' till I feel this pretty cunt'a yours comin around me, you understand?" He asked as he started to rub his finger over you expertly.

You nodded, unable to get any words out, a faint try turning into a moan as he hit your sweet spot, over and over. His cock filling you perfectly. 

It wasn't long before your legs were shaking again and your body was completely ready to give out on you as shocks of pleasure raced through you.

You gasped and moved your grip to Joel, slinging your arm back around to his back grabbing his ass harshly as you came. Moaning his name in a sea of whines.

Joel gasped and panted as you tightened around him. His hips stuttering as he pushed himself to his own orgasm. 

You whimpered feeling his cock slip from between you, leaving you feeling empty as he tapped your side. 

"On your knees." He panted, his cock twitching against his stomach as he pulled away.

You instinctively dropped to your knees and opened your mouth. Making perfect eye contact with Joel as he slid himself into your mouth before you started bobbing your head. His thrusts accompanying you. 

"Holy-" He started. "Look at you..." He breathed. "Such a good girl huh? C'mon show me how far you can take it." He asked, Cupping your cheek lightly as his breathing became erratic. 

"Such a good girl for me." He moaned. "And _only_ me." He added.

You purred around him and started taking him to the back of your throat, over and over again until you could hear that familiar call of your name. More of a whine as he finally let himself finish. His hands balling into fists at his sides as he let you milk him of his cum. Your throat being covered in spurts of the warm liquid. 

He watched you pull his now softening cock from your mouth before closing it again, gulping down what you had before licking his sensitive member clean. 

"Fuck..." He breathed as he watched you. Moving to help you up after you'd done it. Pulling you to him, kissing you gently. 

You finally came around a little from your sex fogged mind to hear the kettle squealing behind Joel.

"You still up for that coffee?" You smiled. 

Joel let out a tired laugh and rubbed back his sweaty hair. "You know it." He said as you moved to put your tank top back on, leaving your bra where ever it was before you moved to pour the hot liquid into the mugs you'd set out. 

Joel looked around for his jeans and boxers before chuckling gently. Catching your attention as you moved to look over his shoulder. You smiled as you looked down at Deaky who'd fallen asleep in the scrunched up pile of clothes.

"You're gonna have to leave those there. You aren't allowed to wake him up." You grinned as you moved back to the coffee. 

"Oh yeah, that's your excuse." He hummed.


	17. Official.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Slight teasing,_

You and Derek had been split up for a few weeks now, Actually it was just over a month. And you had never been happier. Was that because you and Derek had split up? or was that because Joel was much more open to you in direct correlation with that situation?

Things were going good. You were still down low with everything. You'd stay at his place and he'd stay at your's, only turning up when it was really dark out, or 'coming over for coffee' and then just not leaving until the early morning. A rule you two had was no public affection. Well no obvious public affection. Subtle touches and winks were standard between you.You liked to play a really fun game of riling the other up while doing things. Whether it be thigh touches, brushing your hand against his crotch 'accidentally', wearing rather revealing shirts and putting the drinks on the table with a little extra bend, just to give him the view he deserved. Joel was also a fiend for finding secret places to get you alone. Whether he was taking you behind the bar or moving to the unused floor in the infirmary. Which you've been working at more recently with your arm healing. 

You hadn't really seen Derek since everything happened, and you weren't mad about it. You wanted him to stay in the past. You were still upset over the comment he made. Understandable, it wasn't exactly the best thing he could've said, and that kind of sealed the deal for you. You'd let yourself dwell on it more than you like to admit. The simple words leaving a bitter taste to his name in your mouth. 

You'd seen a few of your former friends. Ones that seemed to side with him in this metaphorical divorce of yours. Not that you cared. You didn't have problems with them and if they wanted to act like children and stop speaking to you, then so be it. Others didn't exactly pin against you, understanding why you broke it off. You wouldn't consider them friends anymore, more like acquaintances but life goes on, people change, situations change.

You were currently on your way to one of the infirmary rooms. You'd already seen to three patients today and you were on a roll. Your arm was healing nicely and you'd finally been able to start moving it properly, Your stitches were gone and you were left with some pretty bad ass scars. Still a little scabbed over obviously but they were getting there. 

You hummed gently as you made your way towards the stairs down to the first floor. Before you could grab the handle to the stairwell you were pulled to the side, into one of the darker unused hallways on the second floor, being pinned against one of the walls gently. An all too familiar hand moving from around the base of your back to the side of you to cage you in. Chuckling at your startled reaction. 

"You should'a seen your face." Joel chuckled deeply. A small content smile gracing his lips. One that you never really got to see before everything happened between you.

You smacked his chest gently but couldn't help the smile creeping onto your face. "You're such an asshole." You scolded. "Jesus Christ..." You muttered catching your breath from the mini heart attack you just had. 

"Not quite, name's Joel." He joked. 

You rolled your eyes hard at the stupid dad joke that still managed to choke a giggle out of you. "You're such a dad it hurts." You teased as you looked up at him before looking down to the med pack you'd dropped on the floor. 

"I wouldn't say dad, i'd just say I have a superior sense of humour." He argued, watching as you sunk down the wall into a crouch to retrieve the supplies you'd dropped. His chest feeling a little heavy at the view.

"Pfft. Superior my ass." You giggled as you picked everything up, bringing your head up to see that you were eye level with his crotch. You gripped onto the pack a little as you looked up at him. A grin forming as you spotted his facial expression. 

You bit your lip and took a small breath. "Something wrong Miller?" You purred as you watched him tower over you a little more. 

He let out a breathy chuckle. "Not at all..." He mumbled before watching you come back up. A hint of disappointment in his eyes before you pressed a quick peck to his lips. 

"I'm busy today." You told him. "I've actually been doing my job for once." You hummed letting your lips brush against his lightly with each word, his moustache tickling you gently. 

He scoffed playfully. "Oh I truly doubt that." He replied, pressing his lips to yours once more. 

You giggled and moved to run your fingers over his belt. "If you wanna see the view you just saw again, I'd change that answer Texas." You teased before grabbing his crotch through his jeans, massaging gently.

You could hear the gulp that he swallowed a grunt down in. Making you smirk. "What do you say big man?" You purred.

Joel's left hand moved from the wall and grabbed your hip gently. "I think that you're workin' _so_ hard." He breathed a little heavily, bucking his growing hard on into your palm. 

"Good." You practically sang as you gave him a firm squeeze before letting go. Kissing him gently before making your way to the stairs. "You coming?" You asked with an innocent smile plastering your face. 

If you could frame the face he just made at you, you would. In an instant. The only words you could tie it too were 'You're gonna pay for that.' 

"Sure." He grumbled, moving to walk down behind you, shutting the door to the stairwell behind him. 

You checked the med kit to make sure you hadn't dropped anything out of it as you walked. "What're you doing here anyway?" You asked as you counted everything in the box.

Joel looked over to you as he put his hands in his pockets. "I came to see you." He admitted, clearing his throat. 

You smiled as you felt that familiar bubbly feeling in your chest. "I know that, and it's very sweet of you. But aren't you supposed to be on watch?" You asked. 

"Turns out Derek was supposed to be in Watch Tower Four so Amie had me moved." He explained. "Tommy was at Tower Six and took my time for me. Gave me the day." He shrugged as you reached the bottom door. 

You pried your eyes from the box at the mention of Derek's name. "He was at the same Tower? I thought you were both on the opposites list?" You asked as you walked out. "You okay? He didn't try anything or say anything?" You worried.

Joel scoffed and nodded. "Everything was fine." He reassured, putting his hand against the small of your back for a second. "He gave me a look, but nothing I couldn't handle." He hummed as he let his touch slip away.

You let out a relieved sigh and nodded as you clipped the box closed. "Right." 

"Lets get away from that subject." He prompted before moving on quickly. "Do you wanna do somethin' later?" He asked. 

You stopped outside of the patients door you were about to see and looked up at him. "It depends. Do what?" You asked raising an eyebrow, a small grin tugging at your lips. 

He chuckled lowly. "Well Tommy said he's taken some of his new brew down to Tipsy Bison." He informed you.

You scrunched your eyebrows together. "Since when do you call Seth's by it's actual name?" You questioned.

"Since he gave me an ear full about it." He brushed off. "Anyway. Do you wanna go taste some?" 

You looked even more confused for a moment. "Since when do you ever wanna go get drinks?" You asked crossing your arms. Your scars peaking out as your muscles tensed over your hands a little. 

"Jesus what's with all the questions?" He asked as he scratched the back of his head. "You wanna go or not?" He asked.

A playful smile pushed your mouth up. "Like a date?" You teased, wiggling your eyebrows. You watched as he tensed a little before his muscles relaxed. 

"If I say it's a date will ya come?" He mumbled. 

Your smile grew brighter. "Of course!" You said moving to hold one hand to your chest and your other in the air with three of your fingers up. "Scouts honour." 

He rolled his eyes at you and hummed. "Then yes, it's a date." He told you quietly. 

You grinned and put your hands down before leaning up to press a quick kiss to his cheek while no one was supposedly around. "I would've come even if it wasn't" You teased before slipping your hand to the door handle before moving to walk inside.

"Mrs Abel!" You smiled cheerily. "Lets see what I can do about that leg of yours."

Joel started moving away, listening to your 'work voice.' made him chuckle, just how different it was to your normal relaxed tone. You were so much more of a people person than he was. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked outside, You on his mind once again. It seemed to be a regular occurrence. One that he'd slowly started to accept. Your patience with him making it so much easier. He knew he could be hard work but he'd lost so much in the past that he was scared to not be. 

Instead of denial touches and such you were both so much more domestic. Just this morning Joel woke up to you next to him. He was starting earlier so he had to get up but to just get out of bed, hearing your little snores while he got dressed before pressing a kiss to your peaceful head and leaving. God the scene mirrored one he'd dealt with long before all of this happened. 

He wandered mindlessly back to his place and walked down the path to the front door. Sighing and chuckling as he noticed Deaky asleep on the mat outside. "What're you doin' here huh?" He asked before pulling his key out. 

"He seems to stick around here a lot huh?" Ellie asked from behind him. 

Joel practically jumped out of his skin. "Jesus Ellie." This was revenge for scaring you, he thought to himself. 

"Sorry to startle you old man. Wouldn't want you to have a heart attack." She said as she pat his back before moving to scoop Deaky up. "Hey lil buddy." She cooed. 

Joel looked at her with a raised brow as she babied the cat. "You're just as bad as Meg." He pointed out. 

She gave an uncertain chuckle before looking at him. "Speaking of Meg." She segued awfully. "That's kinda why i'm here." She told him.

He pursed his lips calmly and nodded. "Alright." He said as he walked in, just expecting her to follow. To which she did, putting the cat down on the wooden floor for him to wander to whichever part of Joel's place he wanted. 

Ellie had been distant with Joel for a little while, since the game night if you wanted to be more precise about it. She was with you a little too but quickly shrugged herself out of it since she considered you part of the friend group. 

Joel moved to the kitchen after hanging his jacket up, strolling over to the kettle to make himself some coffee, which you oh so kindly gave him. "You want one?" He muttered quietly. 

Ellie could see that the topic of you, made him a little nervous. The instinct for him to make a soothing drink telling her exactly that. "No thanks..." She trailed off. God she regretted coming here on her own. Her own nerves starting to eat her up. 

She let Joel make his drink quickly, waiting until he'd taken the first sip. 

He let out a gentle sigh as the boiling liquid soothed his throat. "So, what you wanna talk about?" He asked awkwardly as he placed his mug on the island between them. 

"I know about you and Meg." She admitted. That's the first thing she needed to get off of her chest. "I know that since she and Derek broke up that you've both been spending _a lot_ of time together." She started.

Joel let out a gentle sigh and watched her, watching as she raised her eyebrows in expectancy, dropping her head forward a little impatiently. 

He rubbed his beard a little before nodding. "Right, you know about us." He repeated, confirming that there was something going on. 

She nodded to herself as if checking something off of a mental list before moving to her next topic. "Were you two doing stuff before they broke up?" She asked.

"Ellie-"

"Joel tell me the truth." She huffed, putting her hands on the counter. "I'll know if you're lying." She warned. 

He looked at her for a moment. His brain working hard to try and work instead of just shutting down entirely until she left. "I-" He started before sighing. "Yes." He admitted. 

She let out an annoyed scoff. "I fucking knew it." She grumbled. "How long?"

"I don't see how this has anything-" 

"Joel just tell me!" She snapped a little. 

He didn't know what had gotten into her. Why she was so worked up and up tight over something that didn't exactly involve her. "A while..." He admitted once more. Trying to stay on her good side, the whole Fireflies thing making him paranoid that she would just up and leave again.

Ellie thought for a moment. "I'm gonna say a time and you're gonna say if that's when it started properly." She explained. "Alright?" She asked.

Joel nodded and leaned back against one of the counters to sip his drink. "Shoot." 

"When you were late for movie night. The one time you've been late." She instantly spat out. 

He tensed up at the very specific time. Which also happened to be the right time. 

"Well?" She asked, snapping him out of thought.

"Yeah, When I was late for movie night." He mumbled with his head down a little, feeling like a scolded child. 

Ellie blinked out the surprise in her eyes, she shouldn't be surprised she knew when it started but something about hearing it from Joel caused the reaction. "You're kidding me right?" She asked "Joel that was like four months ago!" She growled. 

"You and her have been going behind Derek's back for four months?!" She ranted. 

Had it really been three months already? Time flies. 

"Ellie I-" 

"What happened to keeping our heads down? When we first moved here. You said 'Just try to stay out of trouble and keep your head down.' " She huffed. "Jesus Christ Joel she's been cheating on him for months..." She muttered. 

"You shouldn't have done that." She scolded. "Derek's a nice guy, and this is only gonna cause problems." 

"No one know's about it-"

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Bullshit no one knows about it, have you seen the way she looks at you? The way you look at her?" She questioned. "That's some soulmate shit Joel." She explained. 

"I need you to tell me that you didn't make the first move." She told him. "Be honest with me and tell me you didn't make the first move." She practically begged. 

Joel started to realise why Ellie was so touchy about it. She felt guilty. As if what was going on between the both of you was her fault? Like she could've prevented it maybe? 

He thought about it for a moment. Thinking back to your coffee talking. You moved in first. To his recollection at least. "She made the first move." He answered honestly. 

Ellie searched his face for any signs of lying. 

"I know my promises don't mean anything to you. But I swear." He tried to tell her. 

She was tense all over, her shoulders were practically at her ears and her jaw was clenched shut. Her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides as she thought, Finally her shoulders sagged a little. "I knew it. I knew it and I didn't say anything. I should've fucking said something." She told him.

Joel could feel his heart sink in his chest a little, watching the kid he'd been raising for the past four years tell him this. The fact that she wished she could have prevented it. He really didn't deserve to be happy huh? Well that's what he thought at least. 

"I want you to be happy Joel." She broke the building silence. "I really do. But is ruining others relationships the way to do it?" She asked calmly. 

He thought about it for a second. "I didn't mean for it to go this far..." He mumbled quietly. His features sagging a little sadly as he voiced himself. "But..."

"But what Joel?" Ellie pried. Her own demeanour calmer than what it was, her voice a little more encouraging as the man tried to speak.

He clenched his jaw hard as he tried to spit it out. 

Ellie leaned forward a little, patiently waiting for him.

"I think I love her..." He admitted as if it was a shameful sin that should never be uttered. 

Ellie's chest got tight hearing him say those words. For the first time ever, he admitted to loving someone. "Holy shit Joel..." She muttered quietly.

After another moment of silence Ellie sighed. "Meg's a good woman. And she's my friend. So i'm gonna give you a warning. If you hurt her after this, I'll hurt you old man." She told him. "I know all of your moves." She added to try and lighten the mood. 

He gave a breathy chuckle. "Yeah..." He sighed as he finished his drink. 

Ellie tapped her fingers against the island as she leaned on it. "You gonna try Tommy's new brew tonight?" She asked a little awkwardly. Feeling a little stupid for going off on him now.

He nodded and played with the empty cup in his hands. "Yeah, I uh, Invited Meg along." He told her. 

"Like a date?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at him. 

Joel looked at her and nodded slowly after a moment. "Like a date." 

"Does Tommy know about... You two?" She prodded.

He gave a soft nod. "Yeah he uh, brought it up a bit ago." 

She nodded. "He's the only one?" She questioned, earning another nod from him. 

Ellie nodded. "Right. Well I've gotta go, Dina's waiting on me for bullet duty." She told him, rubbing the back of her neck, showing off her tattoo as she did so. 

Joel nodded as Deaky jumped up onto the counter beside him. "Right..." He repeated. "I'll see you at Seth's?" He asked.

She nodded. "You think I'd miss out on some new hooch?" She smiled a little as she started to make her way towards the door.

She stopped and stepped back a few paces before turning to him once more. "You were gonna tell me about you two right?" She asked, her voice laced with anxiety, afraid of the answer.

He looked at her for a moment, His shoulders falling lightly. "Of course kiddo. I just- I didn't know how or when to bring it up." He told her honestly, a fatherly trusting tone behind his words.

Ellie gave a small sigh of relief. "Right... G'bye Joel." She waved before leaving quickly.

As soon as he heard the door click closed he let out a deep breath. Moving to put his mug down before rubbing his face roughly, still thinking over what he admitted. He did love you, and there was no way he would've been able to keep that trapped in the vault of his mind forever. Some part of him finally relieved to get it off of his chest.

He looked down to Deaky who was just staring back at him, blinking slowly. He had a few hours to kill until you were able to go down to the Tipsy Bison so he might as well clean himself up a little. 

As much as Joel didn't look like the kind, he was actually an anxious cleaner, His house being proof of that with how clean it was. It was a habit from before the infected 'graced' the earth. Even though back then he had a little more he could clean up, kids toys being one of them... 

He pushed any thought away as he started to get things ready to clean himself up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for the late add to this, I've been working on another Joel x Reader fic that I'm calling _Precious cargo_ which is really filling my brain up right now but also I've been struggling on where to take this. I don't want it to be too dramatic but I'm a slut for life threatening events, Beef with Ex's, etc etc. I kinda wanna know if you guys would be okay with a bit of drama?


	18. Why is it always you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None._

You finished up with your last patient for the day before moving to grab your jacket, since you were over a month into spring you didn't really feel like you needed an actual coat. You were wrong, you were always wrong. Your poor planning when it comes to the months and weather always bit you in the ass, but you enjoyed not having to have a heavy overly warm coat on. 

You'd worked a little later than expected, but that was okay, because you enjoyed being on infirmary duty. Everyone was so welcoming when you came back. It had put a big smile on your face everyday so far, today included. 

You walked outside and couldn't help but smile seeing Joel, walking back in your direction. You picked up your pace, moving into a gentle skip to get to him quicker. "Twice in one day? Is it my birthday or something?" You teased, earning a dull smile from him. 

"I know, I spoil you." He hummed in return. "I uh was on my way to Seth's and thought i'd come get you first. Since you weren't home." He explained as you both started walking towards the bar. 

"Well that's very sweet of you." You praised gently. 

He gave a scoff of a chuckle as you walked. "How was infirmary duty?" He asked. "You seemed happy earlier." He pointed out.

You nodded as you skipped a little to keep up with his long strides. Sometimes you think he forgets that he's not on the road constantly, taking quick long steps to get around as if he needs to stay on the move. "It was good. You know Emily Witherbey?" You asked.

Joel thought for a moment. "Elderly woman? Shaved hair? Short?" He started to describe making you nod. " 'm aware of her." 

"Yeah, she was on morphine earlier since we had to snap her leg back into place and you wanna know what she told me?" You chattered. 

"What she tell you?" He hummed. 

You couldn't help the small giggle building up in you escape. "She and Hanson are fucking." You spilled. Laughing at the reaction you gained from the older man next to you.

"Danny Hanson? Ross' son?" He asked, his expression still somewhat shocked.

You giggled and leaned against him a little as you built back up into a laugh. "24 year old Danny Hanson, who everyone though was gay." You giggled.

"Turns out he just likes 'em experienced." Joel joked.

You grinned up at him, your eyes locking. "Makes two of us." You grinned, earning a shove from Joel.

"We're in public." He scolded as you walked through the open doors of the bar. 

You let out a quiet laugh as you wandered in, finding Tommy and Maria almost instantly as they stood near the newly added barrel by the bar. You strolled in with Joel in tow, making your way to his brother and sister-in-law. 

"Evenin'." Tommy greeted as you moved to stand next to him. "You got a bit'a blood on you." He grinned pointing to the small splodge of blood on your shirt. 

You looked down at it and back up at him. "It's old lady blood." You corrected before Maria passed you a glass that had a cloudy purple liquid in it. You took it with a small thank you before inspecting it. "How long has this been..." You trailed off trying to think of the word.

"Fermentin'." Joel mumbled.

"Fermenting." You repeated a little louder as you turned to him, watching him eyeing his own drink up carefully. 

Tommy smiled a little at the interaction before sipping from his own glass. "Well fermentin' was probably about two weeks?" He guessed. "It's been bottled for about- _wait for it_ -six years." He affirmed. 

You blinked with surprise at the answer. "You've let this sit for six years?" You replied, earning a nod from Maria and a small giggle. 

"We started makin' this stuff when we brought you back." She informed you. "Back before there were so many people we would brew a bottle each time someone decided to stay." She beamed a little as she moved to grab a bottle. "And this..." She hummed before looking at you. "Happens to be your stuff." She grinned handing over the bottle.

Your jaw dropped gently. "You're kidding right?" You asked. "Maria I can't-"

"If you don't take it i'll be pissed." She hummed.

Tommy chuckled a little and held his wife's hip. "Please, Normally we don't put much aside for anyone but..." He started as he glanced over you and his brother. "You've become an exception." He complimented.

You looked at the bottle that had some rather elegant writing carved into it. ' _Y/n L/n batch 2030_ '. Before you could utter another word Tommy was next to you, watching and waiting for you to take a sip of the liquid. 

Which you happily did, Slowly raising it up to your lips and sipping gently. The sweet acidic liquid coated your tongue gently, a mixture of what you would assume were berries beating the overall taste to a pulp, giving you a rich fruity flavour.

"Holy shit..." You marvelled as you tapped your lips together a little to revel in the taste. You noticed the growing smile on Tommy's face seeing your reaction before his gaze flickered over to his brother, along with yours as he took a gulp, a much larger one than yours.

He choked a little on the rich taste before gathering his composure. "Christ." He spluttered lightly, earning a grin and chuckle from Maria. "That's uh some strong stuff." He complimented. 

You nodded and took another sip. "This is great wine you guys." You hummed as you sipped at it. "And since it was made when I got here, you're welcome for giving it that kick." You teased. 

Tommy chuckled and pat your arm gently. "That's what we were hopin' on. C'mon we got a table over here." He said before directing you all towards one of the tables that was empty, not that there were many of those. 

You gave Joel a surprised look as he pulled your chair out for you before moving to sit in his own. You glanced over at his brother who was smiling at you, one that seemed like it wasn't held back between your actions with each other. Maria giving you both the same look. 

You sat down next to the older Miller and hummed as you continued to sip on your alcohol, You knew that only one glass would do you fine. It had been brewing for a few years, the alcohol content had raised naturally over the time. You didn't wanna get shit faced drunk, just a nice buzz. 

"So." Maria started sipping her own drink before leaning on the table. "What's going on with you two?" She questioned, her voice a little lower than her normal one. Probably for your sake more than anything.

" 'Scuse me?" Joel hummed gently as he sat back, his hand over the back of your chair, which wasn't unusual anyway. But right now he looked relaxed, his legs were spread a little as he tapped his boot on the floor.

Maria rolled her eyes. "Don't 'Scuse me' Joel." She semi scolded. "Tommy won't say anything and I wanna know what's the deal." She pried. God if she wasn't the literal co-founder of Jackson there's no way she'd get away with the general attitude she had. You thought it was rather charming personally, but it could get a little pushy. 

Tommy gave you a lopsided smile before raising his glass to his lips. 

You looked at Joel who was already looking at you, assuming that you'd be the one to say anything. You could feel your stomach cramp and bubble a little nervously as you tried to think of what to do, and or say. 

"Well..." You started, noticing her move forward slightly, earning a chuckle from Tommy. "We're... testing the waters." You admitted. 

A bright smile took over her mouth as you finally admitted it. "Oh god finally you've said it." She sighed relieved. "I'm happy, for the both of you." She congratulated before furrowing her brows in thought. 

"You sure its not too soon?" She queried, her words careful and quiet. Noticing Joel's body go tense for a moment

You gave a thoughtful smile, "I know it's not too soon." You soothed, feeling his hand on your shoulder as he rested it. You could feel your ears getting a little warm at the simple show of affection while he smugly sipped his drink. 

The next hour or so went well, you finished your wine and you didn't actually feel as drunk as you thought you would. The perfect kind of buzz that kept you interested but didn't take your rational conscious away. 

You all chatted like old friends which at this point you kind of were, with Maria at least. Ellie and Dina joined you briefly before wandering over to their own group, they were all drinking their own drinks like adults, it was weird to see Ellie so grown up, yet it suited her. 

You were pulled out of thought by Joel who'd leaned closer to you. 

"I'm gonna get another drink you want anything?" He asked quietly. 

You looked over to Tommy and Maria who already had their own refills of their drinks. "Sure, I'll come with." You said as you stood up.

Joel gave a soft nod before standing up himself. Walking over to the bar with you. 

You were pulled aside by Nancy the mother of one of the patients you'd been working with today who just wanted to thank you and such. You told Joel what you wanted before going back to your conversation while he ordered it. 

Joel moved up to the bar a little further before putting his hands down on it. "Hey Seth." He grumbled before he started placing the orders. Gaining the unwanted attention of Derek and two of his friends who were by the looks of it Murray and Robert. 

He stiffened up a little as Derek slid up next to him. "Joel." He greeted, sipping his what looked like whiskey. 

Joel sighed through his nose and kept his eyes forward. "Derek." He cleared his throat. Watching the other carefully from the corner of his vision. 

"You and uh- You and Y/n been spending a lot of time together recently." The other coaxed.

You turned your ear towards Joel and who you assumed was Derek from the way he said Joel's name. You couldn't quite hear everything with Nancy talking in your other ear but you could catch every few words. 

You continued trying to talk with Nancy as you noticed the bar area going a little quiet.

Joel looked down at one of the drinks Seth had placed in front of him before he sipped at it, waiting for the other. "And?" He replied nonchalantly. 

Derek gave a chuckle as he rubbed the growing stubble on his face. "We're broken up for what? Like a month and you're already making a move on my girl?" He provoked childishly. 

_Huh, sounds like something Jesse would say._ You thought to yourself, not really taking in the context of the comment.

Joel finally turned to him. "Your girl?" He growled. 

Uh oh, time to intervene. 

You shrugged off the mother as politely as you could before jogging around to them. 

"Yeah, Why don't you find someone your own age old man." Derek jeered poking him in the chest a little before you butted your way in. 

"No. No we are not doing this today." You growled out angrily at the men as you came between them. To your surprise Derek was completely sober. There were no telltale signs that he was intoxicated. So this was new, whoever this Derek was you didn't like. 

"We aren't kids in a playground." You scolded, looking directly at Derek. 

He scoffed and looked at you. "You're only saying that because you're the one to blame." He pointed out.

"Excuse me?" Both you and Joel said in unison. 

He shook his head in disbelief. "You think I don't know what's been going on between you two?" He accused. "I've seen the way you were looking at him." He chided, throwing his hand in your direction. 

You felt Joel move into your side a little as you stood between them.

"You were sleeping with him weren't you?" He growled loudly, if he was trying to embarrass you he was doing a brilliant job. 

You opened your mouth to speak but stuttered over your words making him give a mocking laugh.

"You fucking were, weren't you?" He shook his head with a grin of disbelief and anger. 

"No I-"

Murray took a step forward from behind him and looked at you. "The whole time you were arguing, while He was wondering what he had done wrong, you were going behind his back to be a slut." He insulted.

Joel pushed past you and shoved the other back as he got too close. In turn causing Robert to move from Derek's other side to shove him back.

You clenched your jaw at how inconsiderate they were all being. You turned around to try and grab Tommy's attention which was pretty easy, when Derek moved forward to talk with you. "I gave you everything." He growled.

You rolled your eyes at him and tried to take a step back. "Oh grow up Derek. 'I gave you everything.' What are you an angsty teen?" You sneered earning a huff breath from him. "I didn't break up with you to be with him. If that's what you're thinking." You explained, that wasn't fully true but you didn't need to tell him that. 

You watched Tommy rush past you to get to Joel and the others, a few others following to make sure it got broken up. 

"I broke up with you because you turned out to be a selfish inconsiderate asshole." You insulted. "You didn't respect when I wanted to be on my own, You didn't respect the fact that I have other male friends, oh and did I forget to mention that I opened up to you and you used it against me?" You listed. 

Derek clenched his jaw before tightening his fists. "It was a fucking accident why do you keep bringing it up?" He growled.

"Because I'm never gonna forget it!" You bickered.

"Well maybe you should!" He barked as he pushed you out of anger, knocking you back onto the floor. 

Before anything else could take place Ellie was between you, pushing him back hard. "Back off!" She growled, her stance ready to start throwing punches at him.

You pushed yourself back to your feet before grabbing her shoulder gently. "Not now." You warned before looking over to Joel and Tommy who were walking out. You jumped feeling a hand on your own shoulder before seeing Maria next to you. She looked pissed, understandably. 

"C'mon." She ushered you out, holding your bottle of wine in the other hand. 

You caught up with Joel and Tommy pretty quickly and you all continued to walk to Tommy and Maria's.

As soon as you were all in, Maria closed the door behind her with force. "This is getting ridiculous!" She growled.

Joel turned to you for the first time since it happened and you noticed the blood that was really gushing from his nose. 

"Jesus Joel." You mumbled before Tommy handed you a rag to put against it. You lead him to their kitchen and sat him at the breakfast bar, making him turn to you so that you could take a look at the bloody nose and the cut across his eyebrow. 

You could hear Maria storm in behind you and start talking. 

"We didn't start this." You tried to tell her. "He came up and provoked Joel." You defended as you tended to his face. 

Maria rubbed her face. "I don't care who provoked who. You're all adults-" 

"You try telling him that!" You snapped, earning a surprised look from all of them. "Maria I appreciate that you have to try and run things but have you thought that maybe it's not me or Joel you have to talk to about it? About our actions. He was defending me, yes I acknowledge that it was wrong for him to start fighting but they shouldn't have started on us for no reason." You huffed frustratedly. 

She looked at you silently for a second. Tommy crossed his arms and chewed on his nails a little as he waited to see if his wife was gonna explode. "You and Derek are on patrol tomorrow." She said calmly. 

"Joel, you're going down to the hydro plant with Tommy." She ordered.

"What?!" Joel fumed. "There ain't no way-"

"You don't have a choice!" She barked back. "There's clearly something those two need to work out, and If you're around he's never gonna be calm enough to speak through it with her." She explained. 

"The hydro plant is a few days trip easy." He worried as you yanked his head towards you to continue fixing up the cut on his eyebrow, staying quiet since you knew you wouldn't win against her. 

She glared at him. "That's a few days for you all to calm down and think on what you've done." She scolded like she was talking to children. 

Joel looked to you for some sort of input. 

You frowned gently and moved to cup his cheek. "It's only for what? three days?" You tried to bargain, looking over his shoulder to Tommy who was nodding gently. "Three days. One of those days I have to be around him. That's it." 

Joel clenched his jaw and huffed through his nose, going quiet.

"Then it's settled. Now Get yourselves home and cleaned up. You both have busy days tomorrow." She ordered as you moved to pull Joel up after smoothing the paper stitches onto his head. 

"Your house?" You asked quietly.

"My house." Joel nodded.


	19. The warning signs were there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Blood & Gore, Attempted murder, Knife Fighting, Horse death :(_

You both went back to Joel's last night and passed out pretty quickly, neither of you actually wanting to talk about what happened. You'd made a quick pit stop at your house to grab your bag so that you didn't have to go back in the morning but other than that there were no distractions. 

You could feel yourself waking up as Joel's alarm beeped in your ear. You grumbled tiredly before patting the button on the top, much gentler than what Joel normally would. You could feel him start to stir as you turned over shoving your face into his nice warm chest, his arm draped back over you and pulled you impossibly closer. 

"Mornin'." He grumbled deeply, his head resting against your's lightly. 

You hummed in return and tried to go back to sleep, hoping that you'd bring him along with you. 

"We gotta get up." He mumbled into your hair.

"No." You replied outright. "We could just stay in bed." You said moving your hand under his shirt, running your fingers across his scarred skin. 

He gave a deep tired chuckle. "As temptin' as it is, I don't want Maria burstin' in here." He said as he started to shift to get up. 

You whined childishly and grabbed his shirt, forcing him back down to you as you finally looked up. He had dark bruises forming if not already formed under his eyes from the fight yesterday and he looked tired, even more tired than you. 

You couldn't help but tiredly smile. "Mmm. Handsome." You muttered as he pressed a kiss to your lips. 

He couldn't help but scoff a little not seeing whatever you could see in him, before he pulled you up to sit up. "C'mon." He grunted, changing the subject. "I'll go make coffee." He told you pressing a kiss to your head before getting out of the bed.

You watched as he rolled his shoulders out. Stopping a little half way through and rubbing the back of his left one.

"Your shoulder still playing you up?" You asked with concern lacing your voice. 

He gave a slight nod. "Yeah... Ain't nothin' I can't handle." He tried to brush off.

You rolled your eyes and hopped out of the bed, moving to grab your combat pants, slipping into them easily before tightening them up. "When you get back you need to let me work on it. It's probably just a few knots or you've pulled it." You told him.

He chuckled. "Y'know you don't have to do that." He tried to tell you as you both made your way downstairs after getting dressed. 

"I know I don't _have_ to. But I _want_ to." You pointed out as you followed behind him. 

You both drank your coffee in comfortable silence before making your way down to the stables.

You were greeted by Tommy and Maria before you were lead to your horses, leading them out to meet up with your teams. You watched as Maria gave Tommy a kiss and said her goodbyes. You chewed your lip for a second before walking over to Joel.

He gave a glint of a smile as he saw you coming before going back to his normal stoic expression. "You-" He was cut off when you pressed your lips to his. 

You could feel your anxiety rising in your chest as you kissed him in public, your patrol and Tommy's team spread out, some taking a look while other's didn't even notice. 

You pulled back and looked up at him as you held his coat gently. "Goodbye kiss." You hummed, trying to laugh the nerves out of your system. 

Joel was frozen for a moment, his hands hovering over your hips. He let out a breathy chuckle. "A goodbye kiss huh?" He asked quietly. 

You nodded. "Yeah. Annnnd-" You hummed pressing a kiss to his lips once again. "A good luck one." You breathed. 

Tommy and Maria watched from the sidelines as you finally pushed it to public affection. His brother happy that you forced Joel out of his shell.

"But what about-" 

"Let them see." You whispered against his mouth, cutting him off. 

After a moment or so you pulled back, moving to go get onto Arthur. Joel stood shocked where he was before his eyes caught Derek walking towards his own horse. A glare that could kill a thousand in his eyes.

Before anything could be exchanged Tommy ushered the older man to his horse, saddling up himself as they all got ready. You were all heading from the South gate today, your's and Derek's route going past the nearest town, down towards the next. You were just supposed to see if there was anything fishy going on since you'd been given a hint to some hunter activity towards the supermarket which sat perfectly in the centre.

You said your goodbyes to the others, focusing on Tommy and Joel before you set out, Both you and Derek spurring your horses into a sprint. 

As soon as you were far away enough on track you decided to slow down, not wanting to wear Arthur out before the trip back. You looked ahead to Derek who was riding by himself, his posture was tense and he didn't look to good in general, like he was really tired. You grumbled a little knowing you'd have to keep an eye on the both of you. You may not get along but you didn't exactly want him to die. 

And who know's maybe Maria is right and this is the best time to 'work things out'. You sighed before spurring Arthur to catch up with him, pulling the reins gently when you were side by side. 

You looked over the side of his face briefly, his jaw was clenched and you could just about see bags under one of his eyes peaking gently around. His brows were furrowed and knotted as he stared onward.

You poked your tongue into the side of your cheek as you tried to think of the best way to approach it. "Look, I'm sorry things ended badly between us." You tried to apologise even though you shouldn't have had to in the first place. 

He scoffed a little and kept his eyes on the upcoming town. The final stop. 

"I'm serious. This isn't me forgiving you about what you said, or any of your actions I just- I didn't want it to end so roughly." You admitted as you rode into the centre. 

"Then why did you end it?" He growled a little. Clearly still kind of hostile. 

"Because I wasn't happy." You told him honestly. "You betrayed my trust and- I don't think I could ever forgive you for that." You told him as you hitched Arthur up to a snapped in half lamp post before getting off. Watching him from the corner of your eye as he hitched his own horse a little further away. 

"Why weren't you happy?" He asked, throwing his hands up. "I mean, You've always been able to talk to me about everything. Why all of a sudden go mute and bundle everything up?" He questioned frustratedly as you both made your way into the supermarket, having you climb onto a dumpster to open the big doors from inside. Which you did perfectly may I add. 

You gazed over where he stood while he waited for an answer. You sighed and shrugged as you turned away to look around. "I don't know. I just- You seemed happy and I didn't want to ruin it. In turn making myself miserable." 

You continued to talk it through as you walked around. Securing the place of any infected that you could see. There were a few stragglers here and there but nothing you couldn't handle. You didn't want to imagine what had fallen into the big hole that was sunken into the middle of the isles, shelves falling through as the thing continued to give way over time, into what looked like a basement. 

A few hours passed and you'd gone quiet, the both of you. Just looking for supplies to see if there was anything left. Practically not. 

"Did it have anything to do with Joel?" He blurted out. 

Your shoulders tensed up as you dropped your head forward while looking into the hole. "What?" You acknowledged. 

"Our breakup. Did it have anything to do with him?" He asked as you turned around to look at him. Something wasn't right. He was sweating a little and shifting from either feet. But you tried to brush it off as nerves to be in the abandoned building.

"Derek-" You started as you began walking over to him.

"Just tell me!" He snapped, a little too loud for your liking. "The truth." 

You thought about it for a second. This could be a really good move, or a really bad one. Depending on how he took it. "Yeah..." You foolishly admitted. You watched as his shoulders dropped momentarily before tensing back up harder than the last time as he made his way over to you.

"What is it?" He huffed. "What is it that he has that I don't?" He breathed a little harshly as he got closer to you, making you back up a little. 

"I-Nothing. I can't help who I'm in love with-"

"Oh Bullshit!" He yelled at you shoving you back onto the floor. 

You felt the rubble beneath your hands digging into you a little. You glared up at him and clenched your jaw, His face was somewhat emotionless, the only anger being shown in his eyes. "I'm on my last warning back at Jackson." He admitted. "One more fuck up and i'm out." 

He took a few steps closer to you before stopping at your feet. "I can't get kicked out if only one of us goes back." He scowled

Your eyes grew wide as you realised what he was trying to do. "What the fuck!" You growled before sweeping your foot out under his to knock him over as well. You quickly threw yourself up and over to him, straddling his hips roughly to try and restrain him. As soon as he attempted to pull his gun out you swatted it from his hand, watching as it slid across the dusty dirty floor and far out of reach.

You took the time he was staring at his gun to reach for yours, but he had other plans. You were caught off guard when he swung and punched you in the jaw. Catching you twice before you punched him back. 

You managed to get your gun out of it's holster but he got it from your grip and slung it to the left side, which is where that big fucking hole in the floor happened to be. Reminding you both that either of you could fall in. 

You watched as your gun disappeared into the darkness and a small thump could be heard as it hit the bottom. 

Your eyes went wide as you realised just how serious this was. You reeled your arm back before punching him a few more times. Each swing harder than the next, You were most definitely sure you broke his nose. You were trying to kill each other after all. 

Derek yelped and gripped your wrists, managing to throw you off of him to the right, watching as you slid across the floor, hitting your back against one of the shelves. 

You were quick to get up and grab your knife from your thigh, flipping it so that you could still throw a punch and slice at him if needed. Or when you needed. You barely gave him chance to get up before you'd dipped between a few of the isles. Trying to find a way to get to the front without him seeing. 

"Y/n? Babe c'mon it's just a game." He called out. "I was kidding, we can talk it out." 

You panted quietly as you crouched around. Listening out for his footsteps. "He's a fucking psycho." You whimpered almost silently. You knew he was too good to be true when you met him originally. 

The both of you spent a moment trying to seek the other out. Unfortunately for you, you were the first to be found when he jumped out from around a corner and slashed at you, catching you across your stomach lightly. 

You let out a yelp before deciding that you really had to take him down and disarm him. In a bold but incredibly stupid movement, you dodged your way towards him, ducking and counter attacking each time he went for you before you could latch yourself onto him stabbing him in the arm.

He let out a roar of a cry before throwing all of his weight onto you, smashing you into the end of one of the isles shelves repeatedly until you were starting to feel a little dizzy. You gasped feeling his hand wrap around your throat as he tried to either choke you to death or try to crush your jugular, or both. 

You cried out weakly as your voice struggled to travel through, before you could think you started reaching around you, forcing your arm to bend around the shelf in a way it shouldn't be able too to try and grab something. Anything. And that's when you could feel it. 

You wrapped your fingers around the clay pot beneath them before bringing your hand around to smash it into the side of his head. Forcing him to let his grip on you go. You dropped out of his arms and onto the floor. Unluckily for you, the shelf you were against was right near the hole. While trying to crawl away you could feel yourself start to slip.

"Fuck!" You croaked out, your vocal chords screaming from the damage they had just taken. "No! Nonono!" You cried as you felt yourself slip faster before a piece of the floor gave out from under you, sending you falling into the basement with a loud crash. Knocking you completely unconscious as you slipped under a fallen beam, sheltering you from anything that could see. 

Derek panted gently. Looking down to where you just disappeared. Blood gushing from his nose and the stab wound on his arm. He quietly looked towards his right upper arm where your knife resided currently. A small scoff escaping him as he pulled it out quickly, the adrenaline running through him stopping him from feeling the pain. "Good riddance." He breathed before throwing the knife into the hole after you and picking his gun up, making his way outside. 

He rushed out and looked towards the horses, okay they were both there. But he needed to make this look real, like an accident. He couldn't just take your horse back and be like "Yeah god my ex girlfriend who i've been nonstop arguing with just hasn't come back, she was bitten as soon as we were alone." That was too suspicious. 

He needed to camp out. Make it seem like they'd both been separated. Like something could have happened, you could be coming back but who knows. He looked at the majestic animal who seemed uneasy with his presence. Kicking his hind legs out a little and snuffling. 

"Hey. Hey it's alright, You're gonna be fine." He said, cocking the pistol in his hand. "Everything's gonna be fine..." He mumbled before holding it up between the horses eyes and pulling the trigger. The limp body falling, forcing him to jump back a little. 

He wiped the blood from his nose again before moving to his own horse. Knowing that if he took your stuff it would look incredibly suspicious. 

He mounted up and thought of a place he could hide out until tomorrow. He made his way up to one of the old posts Jackson would use. It was getting a little unstable so it wasn't safe enough for people to be going through all the time. But it was perfect for a one night stop, a place out of the cold where he could stitch and bandage himself up, he was gonna have to explain the broken nose but he could pin that on a piece of rubble landing on him. 

With the new found relief that you were dead he set to work, cleaning himself up and getting some rest. 

In the basement where your body laid limp, there were sounds that could be heard. Ones that you couldn't really distinguish but it was enough to have your practically unconscious body on alert. You wanted to get up, you really did. But everything in you sank into the floor further. Your brain was struggling to keep you awake and you knew that if you passed out you might not wake up.

But your body wasn't gonna take getting up as an answer.

Everything faded out as your head dropped back to the side once more, the last thought in your head wondering if infected were gonna eat you in your sleep.


	20. On your own.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Derek takes a metal bar to the side of the head. If that even needs a warning, Infected killing,_

Derek made it back safe unfortunately. He sprinted in on his horse as the gates opened enough for him. He was met quickly with a few others in his 'panicked' breathes.

Maria being one of them. "Where the hell have you been?!" She asked worriedly. "You were supposed to come back yesterday." She yelled before realising you weren't there. "Where's Y/n?" She questioned, her heart dropping into her stomach. 

"I- We-" Derek played as he got off of his horse shakily. "Fucking hunters. They split us up. I went one way, she went the other." He lied. "I- I had to hide out in one of the old lookout posts." 

Maria ran her hand through her hair, gripping it lightly. "Shit..." She whispered. "We need to get men down to that town we have to find-"

"No!" Derek blurted out. "I know she got out of the town, they weren't fast enough on foot to keep up with her horse." He explained. "She's probably just taking the long way around. It's too dangerous to go back to that town right now. The gun shots lured in a bunch of infected." He excused. 

Maria chewed the inside of her mouth as she thought, before she could hear a familiar voice.

"Whats going on?" Ellie piped up as she made her way over, Dina and Jesse following in tow. 

"Y/n's missing." She replied bluntly.

Derek watched as the young woman's shoulders sank. "I'm sorry kid I am I tried to get her out with me but they separated us." He tried to falsely sympathise. 

Dina moved to stand next to Ellie who had worry written all over her face. "She's gonna be fine alright? She has to be... right?" She tried to soothe, looking over to Maria. 

Maria nodded quickly. "We'll give it until tomorrow. If she doesn't show up then. We need to go looking for her. Derek get yourself down to the infirmary. And we keep this between us." She ordered. "Joel is not to find out." She added.

Derek gave a nod and patted her shoulder 'weakly'. "Thank you... Thank you Maria." He said rather dramatically before Dina took him towards the infirmary. 

"Speak of the devil." Jesse spoke up as they all looked towards the opening gate again. Joel and Tommy coming through without the rest of their group.

Maria's eyes widened.

"What the fuck are they doing back?" Ellie panicked, looking over to her.

"I don't know." She said as she marched towards them, trying to brush off any remaining emotion from what just happened. She looked up as Tommy smiled at her. 

"What are you doing back so early?" She questioned as she watched her husband get off of his horse and Joel get off of his. 

Tommy chuckled gently. "It's nice to see you too darlin'." He said pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Ricky and Bobby came up early, said we could go home since they were takin' our places anyway." He explained. 

She nodded quickly, brushing off the reason. "Tommy I need to speak to you, right now." She said pulling him to the side as she sent Ellie to Joel. 

"Hey kiddo." He said tiredly as he handed his horse off to one of the stable workers. 

"Hey." She fidgeted. "How're you back?" She questioned, not hearing Tommy's reason. 

He pulled his jacket around him a little tighter since the cold started to affect him more in his age. "Tommy said sumthin' about two guys takin' our spots? meant we could come home quicker." He told her.

She nodded and shoved her hands into her hoodie pocket. "Right... Right..." 

Joel looked around for a second. Watching as Jesse stood awkwardly behind her. "Either of you seen Y/n" He queried. 

The both of them stiffened up as he asked. Ellie now having to come up with a lie on the spot. "She's out on solo patrol today." She told him. 

He scrunched his brows together, worry starting to form in his stomach. "Really? Maybe I should go meet-"

"No!" Ellie interrupted. "No uh- She-She said she wanted to do it on her own, since yesterday she was with Derek and all. Said that she needed the time alone." She explained, rubbing the back of her hair.

Jesse stepped forward and tried to help. "You know she can handle herself. Anyway you look exhausted, maybe you best go get some rest." He suggested before looking over to Tommy and Maria.

Tommy's expression dropped into one of pure worry as he and his wife spoke about the situation. He obviously being told to keep it away from Joel.

"Maybe you're right..." He said rubbing his hand against his beard. 

"Aren't I always right?" Jesse grinned, trying to make the conversation seem as normal as possible. 

He scoffed before starting to make his way past the younger man, patting his shoulder with a heavy hand. "You wish." He teased before moving to walk to his house, barely acknowledging his brother and sister-in-law.

Ellie watched as her father figure walked away before moving to Tommy and Maria to explain the lie she'd fed him. 

The first thing you could feel when you woke up was that familiar pounding in your head. Familiar in the sense of, you fell asleep with the same feeling, That kind of familiar. You blinked your eyes open and tried to look around, which was practically useless since you couldn't see anything anyway. The pillar above you taking away any light. 

You flicked your flashlight on and squeezed your eyes shut as the bright light reflected off of the incredibly close wall. 

It took you a moment to adjust to the lighting before you tried to look around. Your neck was stiff but then again so was all of you. You caught a glimpse of something shimmering lightly next to you.

Your knife. You slowly reached your hand out from under the pillar, grabbing the bloodied blade and trying to sheath it back up quietly. Not locking it in just in case. 

Now was the part you really weren't looking forward too. You put one of your hands on the large support beam before using the other to shimmy your way out from under it, your bag giving you some cushion as you did so. 

When you were finally out you wanted to just lay on the floor for a second, finally away from that fucking death trap. Or one of the many death traps in this place I should say. 

You shakily stood up and looked around. Swinging your torch around with you. You took a few steps and bumped into your trusty gun. How fortunate for you huh? You picked it up and examined it, making sure that everything was okay and it wasn't gonna prove to be broken when you really needed it. 

Your whole body was aching, you caught glimpses of a few of the bruises that were gracing the skin along your arms. Making you wonder just how many bruises you had in total. 

Your clothes had been slashed open and blood seeped out of a few of the new holes, painting you in a horror movie-esque lighting. Like you'd just escaped from the killer- Oh wait you have. 

Now to find a way out. You looked up at the hole in the ceiling that you fell through, Knowing that it was far too weak for you to climb out of. Or was it? 

You tried to map out different ways you could attempt to get out of, each so far causing issues, whether it be through rusty beams possibly collapsing or rotten wood giving way. But there was one way you could get out. 

There were a few vending machines that were stacked upon each other, all at an angle to make a sort of stair case. But you couldn't quite reach. You needed to find something to climb on. 

You started to look around for something, anything that you thought could take your weight. That's when you could hear it. 

Soft sobs coming from somewhere down here. Faint clicking noises accompanying it. 

"Shit." You panicked quietly, moving to hide yourself behind a trash can. "Fuck fuck fuck." You whispered. You knew that anything down here you could move was gonna make a noise. So you just had to find out how many of the infected there were, and take them out. 

You slunk around the basement quietly, trying to make quick and quiet work of surveying the place. As much as you wanted to say you were on top form, you weren't. You were sluggish, weakened. And just desperate enough to make it work. 

You counted five in total. Three clickers, two runners. This should be easy. Well as easy as killing infected could be without using your gun. 

You took out two of the clickers with ease, since they were spread out from the rest of the group but one of them knocked into a few paint cans on the way down, alerting the remaining three infected. 

You were currently crouched behind a forklift. Listening as a runner wandered about, it's breathing was erratic and its footsteps were growing closer. You gripped your knife tightly trying to figure out which way it was heading before deciding to try and follow it around to stab it in the back of the head. Which you did very impressively. 

Down to two. Just one clicker and one runner. And another plus, you found what you were going to use to get yourself up to the ground level, It was a big metal container on wheels, not exactly a dumpster but kind of like that. It was most likely a cart used for storing frozen products in high quantities to move them from place to place.

You made quick work of the clicker and runner before double checking to make sure there was no more infected. Your body needed to rest but you had no time. You could rest when you got home. You shuffled over to the container, it stood in front of a door that had chains on it which you assumed lead to another route outside but you knew that even with the strength in your arms, you weren't breaking those. 

You started trying to move the rusted in place object, throwing all of your weight into it, over and over again until it broke free from the door. You pulled it back and looked to the door, That's when you noticed them.

"Ah fuck, spores." You mumbled before quickly grabbing your gas mask. Pulling it over your face before promptly ignoring the fungal spores once more. 

The cart was loud. The wheels practically rusted stiff so the body of it just dragged along. You got about half way when you started to hear it.

Loud, rhythmic banging against the doors. 

You were starting to think that maybe this wasn't there for no reason. Instead of keeping things out, it was trying to keep something in. You pushed it harder and faster, manoeuvring it as fast as you could between everything when you could hear a loud crash of the door being completely thrown from its hinges. 

"Oh fuck!" You panicked as you watched the big bloater force its way out. You watched as it turned in your direction. Moving to start walking very quickly over to you, The thing had to be over 6ft 2. There was no way that it was under that. It was huge. The biggest bloater you'd ever seen. 

You watched as it launched a spore bomb towards you. Forcing you to kick your ass into gear and get over to the vending machines. This took so much longer than you wanted it too. It gave the fucking beast from that room chance to catch up. It was right on your ass. Trying to grab at you as it let out horrifying, deep roars. 

You climbed up onto the container before trying to force yourself up as fast as you could. The bloater attempting to follow.

Your twisted your neck around to figure out how far behind you it was, when you felt its fingers brush against your ankle.

You let out a panicked yelp before scrambling harder and faster. "What the fuck! What the fuck! WHAT THE FUCK!" You practically screamed as you hoisted yourself out of the hole. Watching as the Bloater attempted to do the same before the vending machines gave way, sending it back down into the pit. 

You threw yourself back against one of the shelves for a moment before turning to sprint out, tripping over your own feet forcing you to use your hands to stay up as you tried to run before getting your balance again. 

You quickly slammed the doors shut to the supermarket, holding your back against them as if it would do anything to stop the infected inside. All you could concentrate on was the adrenaline pumping through you as you tried to calm down. Just ready to get back onto your horse-

Your heart sank as you saw the lifeless body of your horse. Laying, slumped where he was standing the last time you saw him. "Oh no..." You bewailed as you could feel your eyes pricking with tears. 

You moved to crouch next to him, but your knees gave out, forcing you to fall into the body. "I'm gonna fucking kill him..." You blubbered a little as the pain that your adrenaline was hiding, peaked its ugly head, overwhelming you as you stared at your dead horse. 

Your forced yourself to your feet and started marching back. You would be lucky if you could get there today but from what you could tell you had a chance. It was early morning. If you picked up the pace you might be able to make it. 

You stopped as you caught a glimpse of a metal pipe on the floor, Many ideas of how hard you could hit Derek with it flooded your brain. So you picked it up. You felt numb. Like your brain was trying to make you go completely emotion dead to make up for the pain rushing through your veins right now. 

You'd caught glimpses of yourself in the reflection of windows. You had a dark purple bruise over your eye and across your cheek accompanying a slice that was already starting to heal. You had a perfect hand mark around your throat from where he tried to choke you out and a slice cut out of your shirt from where he caught you with his blade.

You should be dead. 

But you're not. And that gave you the strength to get home. To get back before Joel, because how were you supposed to know he was already back?

It took hours, It was practically sunrise when you left and now it was black out. The lights of Jackson shining over the walls gave you hope. Made something stir within you as you limped your way up to the gates. 

Amie looked at you and her jaw dropped. "Holy shit..." She said as she rushed forward, moving to put her hand on your arm to help you looking over your dirt, blood and tear stained cheeks. To which you shrugged off completely. "Y/n are you bitten?" She questioned off the bat.

You slowly looked to her, your cold eyes meeting her warm welcoming ones. "You think I'd come back if I was bitten?" You growled lowly. Nothing in your tone telling her that you were joking.

"What the fuck happened?" She asked. "We need to get you to the infirmary." She told you as she signalled up to open the gate. "Someone tell Maria Y/n's back." She radioed up.

"I don't need to go to the infirmary." You badgered, as you walked through the gates, each step you took burning more than the last. "Where. Is. Derek?" You snarled. 

She looked worriedly at you, before turning to one of the others on watch to ask. "Down at Seth's." She informed you. "Y/n please I really think-" Before she could continue you'd already left. Pulling the metal pipe from the side of your bag. Dragging yourself into the middle of town to get to Seth's.

Your body was just about ready to give up, saving your last ounce of energy for this moment. 

You walked through the doors and all eyes turned to you, watching as you scanned for Derek. A few people muttering things as other's moved to try and assist you. Ellie being one of them as she rushed over. 

That's when you saw him. The back of his stupid blonde head at least. 

You picked up the pace. Your jaw clenched hard as your gripped the bar with both hands, A few people catching on to what you were gonna do and trying to intervene before but before they could get to you, you swung and clobbered him over the head with it, completely knocking him to the floor, earning a few scared gasps or yelps from some of the patrons. 

Joel looked up from his and Tommy's table at the commotion. 

"Holy shit-" Tommy started as he pushed himself out of his chair. Joel following him.

"You..." You slurred. "MotheR FUCKER!!" You yelled, swinging the bar at him once more.

Derek looked up at you like he'd seen a ghost. His skin went pale as he tried to figure out what you'd hit him with. "I- You're supposed to be dead!" He spat out before realising what he'd said. "I- I mean Y/n are you- OoFF!" He grunted as you swung for him again, this time knocking him unconscious.

If it wasn't for the fact that Joel had wrapped his arms around you and Tommy had grabbed the bar mid swing, you would have carried on until his brain covered the floor. 

"Y/n!" Joel yelled at you, picking you up effortlessly to pull you away.

You cried out at the sudden pressure against you, causing so much more pain than you'd like to admit as your body gave up in his arms. 

Tommy looked over at Derek who was bleeding from the side of his head. "Shit. We need to get him to the infirmary." He said before noticing the state that you were in. "Joel?" He questioned as his brother was holding you up.

You were trying to stay awake, you really were, but the concussion from yesterday mixed with the pain and energy that had been taken from you today really caught up as you nearly slid out of your partners arms. Forcing Joel to change the way he held you.

"Y/n. Y/n stay awake baby." He panicked a little, his voice trembling somewhat. As much as he was trying to keep his tough guy persona something kicked in, inside him as he hoisted you up to hold you with your legs hooked over his left arm and your torso resting against his right. Kind of like how he carried Ellie out of the hospital all those years ago. 

You let your head drop against his shoulder, not even attempting to do as he told you, just completely falling limp. 

"Joel we need to get her to the infirmary." Tommy tried to coax. "She'll be alright." 

And that's all you remember. Finally glad to be home... Even if it was the last time you woke up. 

You squeezed your eyes shut tighter as you started to wake up, the light of whatever room you were in, too bright to handle. Your fingers twitched gently as you regained the feeling in your body before you could feel a gentle squeeze against your hand. 

You opened your eyes to the familiar surroundings of one of the infirmary rooms. Before the figure sat next to you instantly caught your attention.

"Joel?" You hesitated. 


	21. He's gone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None,_

Joel's gaze shot to you as you called out his name disorientatedly. "Hey..." He mumbled as he scooted closer to you, holding your hand up to him a little more. "Hey you alright?" He asked. 

You took another look around the room, just trying to get your bearings. "My head hurts..." You whimpered quietly, turning to him more, watching as he raised your hand to his face, pressing his lips against your knuckles gently.

"I know I know. Morphine's probably wearin' off." He told you.

You both stayed in silence for a moment, just looking at each other. You were tired, a little fuzzy but no matter how you felt currently, you could see the fear and worry in Joel's eyes. It made your heart wretch seeing him like it. Over you especially. 

"Hey..." You started, catching his attention as you stopped holding onto his fingers. 

His eyes were on you constantly, looking into yours as if it was the last time he could take in the gorgeous colour of them. He let his shoulders sag as you slid your hand over his cheek. A faint smile pulling at the corners of your lips. Not by choice everything hurt too bad for you to be able to do any better. 

"We're okay." You reassured. 

Joel stiffened up once more, his brows furrowing. "We're okay? You were practically dead when you came back... You're laying in an infirmary bed." He stuttered over his words a little frustratedly. 

You laid patiently and waited for him to finish his little worry rant. 

"Okay, that's true, but i'm alive am I not?" You coughed lightly, your throat dry from sleeping for so long. 

"That-" Before Joel could continue, Caleb walked in, a warm smile on his lips. 

"You're awake." he greeted as he walked to the side of the bed. Placing a box down onto the metal shelf next to him. 

You watched as Joel went quiet again, just moving to hold your hand against the bed. "I am." You tried to smile. 

He gave a small smile before moving to grab his walkie talkie. Pressing the button in before bringing it to his mouth. "Someone tell Maria that Y/n's awake. Over." He called in before getting an almost immediate response.

"Great, Me and Tommy are on our way. Hold off on morphine. Over." Maria called back.

Caleb's attention turned back to you as he started to check over you once more. "How you feeling?" He asked softly, trying not to be too loud.

You scoffed gently, wincing half way through. "Like Satan stuck his whole arm up my ass." You told him. Not putting too fine a point on your feelings.

He couldn't help but let a laugh escape him. "Such a way with words." He amused, taking out his stethoscope before moving your shirt to the side a little to get your heart beat. Everything was quiet around you. Just your gentle wheezy breathing and the occasional old man grunt from Joel. 

You watched as the Doctor concentrated, his lips were pursed and his brows were furrowed as he analysed what he could before pulling back. 

You looked up at him curious as to what he was gonna say. 

Caleb slung the stethoscope over his shoulders. "Well, considering you've taken one hell of a beating, your insides are doing okay." He told you. "You've got a broken rib but considering the outside damage, you're lucky that's all you got from whatever happened." He said turning away to do something. 

Joel let out a sigh of relief at the good news. 

"Unfortunately I wont be able to give you another dose of morphine until you've talked with Maria and Tommy. You did quite the damage to Derek at Seth's and they'd like to find out what happened." He explained. 

Your heart began to beat a little faster as you realised he was still alive, tightening your grip on Joel's hand weakly. "Where is he?" You asked, your gaze shifting to Joel. 

"You're alright, he's bein' watched." He huffed. An aggressive undertone to his voice. Not directed at you of course, the mention of Derek working him into his normal overly protective state. 

Maria and Tommy walked into the room with Ellie behind them. Assuming that you wouldn't mind having the younger ones company as well. 

"Look at you." Tommy hummed "Finally awake." He smiled trying to bring the mood of the room up.

You rubbed your bruised eye carefully and tried to sit up, prompting Joel to help you a little. "How long was I out?" You asked. 

"Almost a week." Joel piped up.

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. "A week? Jesus." You mumbled. 

Maria stepped forward to towards the bottom of the bed. Putting her hands on the frame. "As glad as we all are to see that you're recovering." She started, shifting into her professional demeanour. "We really need to find out what happened." 

Tommy stepped forward and looked at you. "Derek said you two got split off by hunters?" He started, earning a glare from Joel. 

"And you didn't tell me?!" He huffed angrily.

You were just as shocked as him to hear it. You squeezed his hand weakly to get him to quiet down, the thumping in your head getting worse by the second. You scoffed and looked at them. "Split off? by hunters?" You croaked. 

Maria nodded and rubbed her hair. "Said that they got between you in town, that you got out on your horse." She added.

"Like fuck did that happen." You growled angrily. Your weakened form starting to tense up. "No there were no hunters there. He tried to fucking kill me." You seethed through gritted teeth at the pain in your side. 

The room fell silent in a matter of seconds. Everyone stared at you, Like they couldn't believe it. 

You could feel Joel's grip on your hand get tighter. "He... What?" He growled deeply.

You winced a little at the sudden pressure before he released his grip a little. "He-We- I-" You stuttered trying to calm your nerves enough to speak. You looked up as Ellie handed you her bottle of water to drink from, just to wet your throat a little. 

You thanked her quietly before handing it back, watching as she stood next to you. "I tried fixing things with him, I told him that I was sorry things ended so badly. That I wasn't forgiving him for what he said or what he did, but I didn't want it to be a bad break up." You explained, feeling Joel's grip on your hand, tighten and loosen subconsciously as you continued to talk.

"He asked why I ended it and why I wasn't happy. I explained why I didn't talk about why I wasn't happy, because he looked like he was and I didn't want to put him down. Which made me unhappy." 

Maria nodded and wrote some of it down, just to keep tabs to make a final decision. "Then what?" She queried. 

You shrugged as you thought. "We talked as we did what we needed to do, there were a few stragglers here and there but nothing we couldn't handle." You said running your hand over the perfect hand bruise on your neck gently. 

"As soon as we got to the supermarket he asked me if it had anything to do with Joel." You informed them. You watched as all of them tensed. Eyebrows furrowing as you explained what he asked. 

"And what did you say?" Ellie piped up quietly. 

You could feel your heartbeat thudding harder in your chest as you had to admit to it. "I said yeah..." You muttered quietly as you looked down to yours and Joel's hands. "I just... I felt guilty, I mean I couldn't keep beating around the bush." You tried to tell them. 

Maria sighed and rubbed her face as Tommy gave an understanding nod. "Right. Then what?"

You could feel your own shoulders start to tense a little as you thought back on the traumatising moment. "He asked me what Joel has that he didn't." You told them. "He started to get really worked up about it, and when I said that it was nothing I just couldn't help who I had feelings for, he pushed me to the floor." You said looking at the palm of your free hand to see the healing scuffs from the rubble. 

"He went blank. Like there was no emotion in his face at all..." You told them. "Then he told me about the fact that he was on his last warning here, he said that he can't get kicked out if only one of us goes back."

Maria's eyes went wide as did the others in shock. "Derek said that?" She hesitated.

"You don't believe me?" You heaved as you held your ribs gently. 

Tommy stepped forward as Maria stood where she was. "It ain't that we don't believe you, you're in hell of a shape which is proof enough-"

"It's just..." Maria started. "That doesn't sound like Derek at all..." She told you. 

"Well apparently it is." Ellie defended. "What happened next?" She asked.

You explained everything, from how he tried to pull his gun on you to kicking yours into the basement, from the knife fight all the way to him trying to choke you to death up until he knocked you into the big hole to die. 

You paid special attention to Joel, making sure that he was by your side the entire time. The man was furious, you could practically see the steam protruding from his ears. But his face was emotionless, just a furrowed brow. 

You exchanged a worried glance with Tommy as he picked up on the change in his brother. If anyone knew that look it was him. 

"What happened in the basement?" Ellie prodded curiously. 

You took a breath and closed your eyes for a second. Still seeing the nightmares of that bloater, behind your lids. "It had infected in it. But I fell and rolled under a support beam before completely passing out." You explained as you rubbed your bandaged head. "I had to kill a few before I could get out but... I moved this fucking cart." You started, your breath hitching. "Unblocking a door and a huge fucking bloater came out."

Everything was silent, quiet enough to hear a pin drop. 

"Jesus Christ..." Tommy uttered under his breath. 

"It-" You stuttered. "Nearly fucking got me..." You breathed, the topic clearly distressing you. 

There were looks of fear flickering across the others faces before Maria spoke up. "But it didn't. And we're all very thankful for that." 

"What're we gonna do with Derek?" Ellie questioned. 

"Kill 'im." Joel finally spoke up as he stood to his feet. His voice was deep and smooth along with his whole demeanour screaming that anyone in his way should run. 

"N-Now hold on-" Tommy tried to cut in.

Joel glared at him. "There ain't no way I'm letting him get away with that. Neither should you." He spoke 'calmly'. The truth is Joel just had an incredible power to keep himself at bay when he really needed to. 

"We ain't gonna let him get away with it. Maybe we could-"

Before anything else could be said Jesse burst through the door, almost frightening you out of your skin. 

"Derek's gone." He panted through heavy breaths

You all exchanged worried looks before He spoke up once more.

"There ain't no sign of him nowhere, and his bag and guns are gone from his place." He informed.

"Shit..." Tommy huffed. 

"We're goin' after him." Joel ordered as he moved to make his way out of the door.

Oh this could be bad.

This could be _very_ bad...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for leaving this one so short with a cliff hanger but it's building up to something ;) also i'm sorry if this is dragging on too long I have no idea how to end it lmao


	22. The death penalty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: Blood & Gore, Graphic depiction of Death, _

You sat anxiously in the hospital bed as the others talked around you. The pain of your wounds getting worse the longer you went without medicine. 

"So what's the plan?" You asked trying to get up before a stern hand stopped you. 

"You are staying here." Caleb told you as he held a needle and small vial in one hand, pushing you back with the other. "You're in no shape to go after him." He instructed. Maria and the other's nodding.

"He's right." She told you.

You glared at them for a second. "You seriously want me to sit here while you guys go looking for a man who tried to kill me? And might just come back to finish the job?" You questioned.

Tommy sighed and held his hand out a little as he talked. "Don't word it like that-"

You growled a little. "Why not? That's exactly what it is." You argued.

You could hear a deep breath come from Joel before he turned to you. "Look he ain't comin' back to finish the job. Trust me. I won't let him put a finger on you." He tried to tell you, his own voice wavering between anger and comfort. 

"Joel..." You pleaded through a whisper.

His shoulders sagged an inch before he looked between you and the doctor. "Just- let the doc give you some morphine, you need to rest." He tried to convince. Frowning a little at your own frown. "You ain't gonna be any use if you don't let y'self heal." He mumbled moving down to talk with you quietly. 

"But I wanna..." You trailed off, noticing his own pleading look with you. "Fine..." You whispered gently through a breath, holding your arm out for Caleb to inject the painkiller. 

Maria peeled her eyes away from Caleb pushing the needle into you. "Right, so that settles it. Tommy and Joel, you two head towards the East gate, that's closest to his place, Jesse you go with Ellie and ask around for him. Avoiding the people he talks to most. I'll go inform my father on what's going on so that everyone can be on alert." She instructed. 

You could feel the buzz of the medicine really starting to kick in as your eyes began feeling heavy, listening to their plan. 

"Wait, shouldn't someone stay here with Y/n?" Ellie asked. "I mean if we don't know where Derek is whats stopping him from trying to get back in here?" She asked.

Tommy nodded. "That's a good point."

Maria nodded. "Alright, I'll get someone sent over."

You grabbed at Joel's jacket a little from where he was stood before fully catching his attention while the others talked.

He swung himself around to look at you before leaning over the bed closer. "How're you feelin' darlin?" He mumbled quietly. 

You couldn't help the tired smile grow over your cheeks. "Sleepy." You admitted as your body tried to force you to go to sleep, making you blabber a little.

Joel let a tiny smile pull at his lips for a second. "Pain wise? How'd ya feel?" He asked more specifically.

You barely shrugged as you looked up at him. "Dunno..." You slurred. "You're gonna come back right?" You wondered. 

He gave a nod and moved a little closer, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. " 'Course I'm gonna come back." He mumbled against your skin.

You held onto his arm weakly as your eyes really started to close. "Joel?.." You yawned. 

"Mhm?" He hummed quietly as he pulled away from you to look down. You looked exhausted, everything being accentuated by the bruises under your eyes. 

You blinked a little slowly as you tried to stay on track of what you were going to say but the minute you finished blinking your eyes started to close for a final time before sleep. "I... love you..." You smiled as you passed out once more. 

Joel's chest got tight listening to your drugged words. "I love you too..." He barely breathed as he stood up properly, his back clicking gently as he did so. He turned back around to the others noticing everything had gone quiet. All eyes on the both of you. 

"What?" He asked as he shifted on his feet defensively.

Tommy pursed his lips a little and tried not to smile. "Nothin'. Now lets get this thing goin." He said as they all started to march out. 

Everyone geared up where they could, knowing that Derek was now not only a danger to you, but he could be a danger to anyone else who tried to stop him. 

Joel and Tommy didn't have to go far to grab their stuff since they weren't too far from their own houses. Rushing in and out to meet back up before heading over to the East gate. They all started asking around, some others from the town offering themselves up to search for him too which was a relief.

Tommy was pulled out from his thought by his radio, the static stuttering before Maria began to talk through it.

"Got a hint from Mark Ackles, says he saw him sneaking a horse out of the stable. Most likely headed out East gate, over." She informed the brothers. 

Joel and Tommy shared a glance for a second a silent nod between them of acknowledgement as Tommy raised an eyebrow, an unspoken language being talked amongst them. 

Tommy gave a final nod before pressing his radio. "Me 'n Joel'll go out. See if we can track him down. Over." He planned.

A sigh came through the radio before Maria spoke again. "Alright. Just, try to bring him back alive. Since this has gotten out to the people we need to try and give him a 'fair' trial." She bargained. 

Joel glared at Tommy on behalf of what Maria said. A fair trial? The man would be lucky to get any fucking trial after the shit he'd caused. 

Tommy held his hand out a little to let him know he would deal with it. "Alright darlin' we'll see what we can find. Gonna take Rover and Picket from the stables alright?" 

" 'Course. Just make sure you make it back before sun down okay? We can continue the search tomorrow if need be. I'm sending Dina over to Y/n now if you'd like to tell Joel." She hummed "Over and out." She finished. 

Joel let his shoulders sag slightly at the relief of someone familiar being with you. He wasn't sure on how well she could protect herself but your comfort came before that thought. 

It wasn't long until they were greeted by a woman riding Joel's horse, Rover, trailing Tommy's horse Picket behind. A friendly yet careful smile on her face as she greeted them. Or Tommy I should say, Joel wasn't doing much talking at the minute. 

She handed them over sheepishly before backing up. A quick "Good luck boys." Leaving her lips before she rushed off. 

Then they set out. Barely waiting for the gates to open before rushing off. Luckily the Spring was being kind with the dry weather. A few days with little to no rain had the mud tracks perfect for foot prints. Like a cement consistency. So all they had to do was follow the only other set of hooves on the track. 

Both of the Miller brothers were good hunters but Joel was exceptional, Probably since he'd taken it upon himself to do the hunting when it was just him and Tommy towards the start of the apocalypse. His tracking skills being over average. Sure they were a little rusty since he'd been at Jackson but they were great nonetheless. 

He and Tommy rode down into the forests up near to one of the old patrol routes. Slowing down to take a closer look at the tracks and to gather their surroundings. 

They were quiet for a while, just the sound of the horses huffing and puffing every so often. 

"You know he ain't gonna make it back alive don't you?" Joel spoke up.

Tommy didn't even bother looking at him as he leaned forward resting his forearms on the saddle horn. A deep sigh escaping him. "Yeah... I know..." He admitted. "I think Maria knows too." He followed up. 

"Tommy-" Joel began. "After what he did... To Y/n. He doesn't get a trail. I'm gonna kill 'im." He swore. 

The younger Miller was quiet for a moment. Seeming to try and think his response carefully. "You do what you gotta do. I can't stop you." He cautioned. "I'm with you." He reassured looking over to his brother. 

Joel gave him a thankful look before he set himself back to the task at hand. Hunting down this son of a bitch like he was a buck or deer. 

-

You could feel yourself waking up gently, your slumber being disturbed by two voices, one of which you recognised easily. You let your eyes flutter open, readjusting to the light of the room once more which thankfully was dimmer this time. At the foot of the bed you could see Dina and... Seth? 

They both seemed in pretty awkward conversation but you couldn't really tell what about. 

You grunted gently as you tried to sit up, earning the eyes of Seth on you before Dina's head snapped in your direction as she, rushing, made her way over to your side, a gentle and soothing smile painting her lips. 

"Hey..." She said gently as she helped you sit up comfortably. "How you feeling?" She hummed rather soothingly. 

You gave the best smile you could which resulted in a jolt of pain over your cheek. "Just peachy." You told her as she scoffed.

"Yeah right. Anyone who says 'Just peachy' definitely isn't okay." She teased before standing up straight again.

You looked awkwardly between her and Seth for a moment before she slapped her lips together loudly.

"Oh right. Seth has something for you." She exulted as calmly as she could, motioning for him to come a little closer. 

He gave a pursed smile as he held out something wrapped in cloth. "Thought you might like some real food." He said moving to gently set it next to you. "Fresh, made today." He explained as he put his hands behind his back to hold gently. 

You scoffed a little before a small smile crept over your face as you could smell whatever was coming out of the warmed cloth. "Thank you Seth, that's very kind of you." You coughed a little as you moved to grab your drink.

He gave a nod. "Yeah.. No hard feelings about fighting in my bar." He tried to joke, earning a glare from Dina as if to tell him that now really was not the time for bar fighting jokes. 

You gave the all clear with a gentle chuckle. Sure it was forced but the last thing you needed was awkward tension rising in the room. "Well I don't think I'll be doing that for a while anyway." You teased.

He gave his own awkward chuckle as Dina stepped forward. 

"I think it's about time for Y/n's dose of morphine." She tried to hint. Hoping that he would leave.

He stood a little reluctantly by the door for a moment before you spoke up.

"It was nice to see you Seth." You hummed a little. "Thanks for the food." You thanked with appreciation. 

He gave a nod before Dina ushered him out and shut the door behind him. "Ugh finally." She grinned before turning back to you and walking over. "I was just about to send him away when you woke up." She chatted. 

You scoffed gently "I'm sorry for interrupting." You teased as you looked down to the cloth. 

"Whatever's in there smells delicious." She practically drooled, making you giggle. 

"You wanna share it with me?" You asked moving to pick it up.

Dina gave a smile at your thoughtful gesture. "Oh god no I couldn't you really haven't been eating I don't wanna-"

"I'm really not hungry enough for all of it. If any at all but I know I have to eat so half is gonna do." You tried to tell her. "I'd hate for the other half to go to waste." You said opening up to see the sub inside filled with a few of your favourite sandwich ingredients. God it looked heavenly. Out of place in a world like this. 

You picked up one side and slid the other over to Dina who eyed it temptingly. 

"Well I guess if you're gonna let it go to waste." She affirmed before pulling the seat up to the side of the bed and digging in. 

You both sat quietly munching on the food for a moment before you spoke up. "Sorry you had to be stuck in here with me." You apologised. 

Dina shook her head as she chewed on the sandwich. "You don't need to be, it was either be in here with you. Or be on chore duty in the West district." She hummed with a mouthful. "And I can tell you i'd much rather be stuck here with someone I care about than be stuck working with a bunch of oldies who still complain about missing the days where white people got their own buses." She told you, making you laugh out a little. 

After you'd calmed you tried to continue eating. "Stuck in the past." You shook your head. "You heard off of anyone?" You asked. 

"You mean updates on Derek?" She replied as she munched on the remaining bread of her food. She looked comfortable where she was sat, one leg up with her foot on the chair, leaning her wrist on her knee as she talked. 

You nodded gently, leaning back as you watched her.

She gave a gentle shrug. "All I know is that Joel and Tommy went out to look for him." She answered. Assuming you knew up until that point. Which she was wrong about.

"What? Went out to look for him? Went out where?" You questioned. 

"Apparently he took a horse and bolted through East gate." She hummed, picking at the bread in her hand before eating it. "Joel and Tommy took it up to go get him. Since they're both pretty good at tracking supposedly." 

You could feel the worry in your gut start to twist up. Knowing that the brothers could be put in danger because of you. Dina could easily see the change in your expression as she put her leg down and moved forward to put her hand on your arm. 

"Hey... They're fine okay? They're just gonna go look for him." She tried to comfort. Which was pretty convincing. "Look Derek is no match for one Miller brother, nevermind the both of them." She smiled. 

You giggled a little. "You're probably right." You told her putting the cloth to the side before leaning your head back against the pillow. "What do you think they're gonna do if they catch him?" You asked.

Dina thought about it for a second. "Well firstly its 'when' not 'if' and secondly Maria asked for him to be brought back alive for a 'fair trial'." She responded.

You couldn't help but tense at the thought of _him_ coming back here. But you trusted Maria's ways, they've worked so far. 

"I hope they're doing okay..." You mumbled trying to change the subject. 

-

Joel sped forward, pointing towards a worn out building that was appearing in the distance. "Horse tracks lead there!" He called out to his brother who was racing not far behind. 

"Think I can see the horse!" Tommy called forward. 

The building in question was a school of some sort. Probably a boarding school since it was in the middle of the forest, not exactly somewhere with easy access for cars. The faint remnants of a sign plaque, poking out between a few bushes reading. ' _A Johnson's boarding school for gifted individuals._ ' Or what was left of the letters read that. You get the gist. 

"He must be in there." Tommy hoped as they wandered through the big tall gates that had been practically pried off of their hinges.

"Keep your eyes open." Joel warned. "We don't know if he's the only one." He pointed out as he slowed Rover to a stop, moving to hitch him by the gate. Tommy doing the same before grabbing his gun from his back. 

Joel kept his rifle back but made sure he had his handgun at the ready as they moved towards the doors. Both of them silent as they tried to open them. The rattling of a bar between the handles on the other side coming through the wood. 

"Shit." Tommy mumbled quietly. "What're we doin now?" He asked looking over to Joel who had his lips pursed together. 

The older Miller moved silently over to one of the broken windows. Which were pretty high up since you had to go up a few steps to get to the door. He tested to see if the ledge under it would hold his way before he started shuffling to get in. Tommy catching on quickly and following behind. 

Once Joel was in he moved to grab Tommy's hand and pulled him through the window. Keeping him from falling over once they were in. 

Instantly Joel moved to find the door of the room that they were in, deciding that it was best to stick to being quiet. He moved a few of the objects barricading them in as Tommy kept his gun raised for any infected, knowing that the likelihood of some being in here was high. 

Joel worked quickly, per usual. His body working faster than his brain. Only slowing down when Tommy urged him to do so. 

They got out of the room and continued to move quietly around, their flashlights on the dimmest setting to try and keep them in the clear. Once in the hallway they took a gander around. Taking in their exits and whichever doors were open, which happened to not be many. 

"Right." Joel whispered. "You take left, I'll take right. Meet back here in ten. We holler if one of us gets to him first." He ordered, Tommy nodding along obediently before setting off towards the left.

It didn't take long with searching. Joel took a few empty rooms and looked around. Picking up a thing or two to put in his bag but nothing. He started walking out of the room before the door swung harshly and hit him into the frame. Derek pushing himself out from behind it, moving to shove Joel into the wall just in the hallway. 

Joel grunted and threw a punch even in his disorientated frame of mind, which he landed pretty well, but Derek was still on his top form you could say. He quickly moved to headbutt the older man knocking him back a few paces before Joel started to stumble and fall, gripping the other's shirt and bringing him down with him. 

The two fought for what felt like a good 10 minutes but in reality it was more like 2. That was before Joel could hear the blade of Derek's knife being unsheathed. Quickly he pushed his knee up into the other, knocking him away from his torso. 

Derek took what he could get swinging his arm and stabbing Joel in the thigh.

Joel let out a loud yell before trying to kick the other, scooting back towards the door as he pulled the knife out. 

"Forget it old man. You've lost." Derek panted as he heard Tommy's approaching footsteps, which were quick but far away. 

Joel pressed his back against the door before feeling the crowbar hit the back of his head a little. He looked up at it before looking over to Derek. His teeth were gritted as the burning sensation in his thigh got hotter as his blood soaked through his jeans. 

He reached up and managed to pull it through the handle quickly before Derek could quite get to him. 

When the other man noticed what Joel was doing he rushed forward, and before Joel could land a hit he grabbed the outer sides of the bar pushing it towards Joel's throat, hard. Not stopping as Joel began gasping for breath.

That was until a loud bang could be heard and Derek let out a loud yelp. Stumbling backwards as he moved to grab his shoulder. Giving Joel enough time to kick his legs out from under him. The older Miller glanced at Tommy who was holding his rifle up at Derek before he got himself to his feet.

Joel hissed as he put weight on his bad leg making Tommy look over him in worry and confusion before he saw the blood.

"Jesus Joel-"

"I got it." He growled deeply as he looked down to Derek, an almost feral look in his eyes. 

"Joel." Derek hissed the greeting.

"Derek." He panted gently before moving forward to grip him by his shirt, pulling him towards the wall, putting his back against it. 

Joel looked down at him for a second, thinking about what he was gonna do next. "Tommy maybe you best go outsid-"

"I ain't leaving you in here with him." Tommy argued straight away. "I'll turn away and keep watch if you want but I ain't goin' nowhere." 

Joel sighed before rolling his head around to click his neck before looking at Derek. "Fine." He huffed before stepping to the left of the other man. "I won't be long." He promised before swinging at the man on the floor. Listening to the impact of the crowbar against Derek's head and then Derek's head against the wall.

After a few more minutes of beating him with a bar Derek chuckled a little, coughing a bit of blood up as he did so. "You should've heard her..." He panted. Making Joel stop for a second. 

" _Joel! Joel help! Please!_ " He imitated.

"God she cried for your help." He lied, trying to get under Joel's skin as he laid limp against the wall. "Every time I swung my fist at her, or tightened my grip on her throat. EUGH!" He tried to carry on but Joel hit him harder. The words coming from the others mouth doing their purpose and getting under his skin.

"She cried for you... And you weren't there to save her-" Before he could finish Joel drove the crowbar into his skull one more time, This time hard enough to pop his eyeball out, killing him on impact. 

The sound of the bar hitting the floor echoed throughout the abandoned building. Joel's short pants for breath being drowned out by it.

Tommy stood watching the entire time. Occasionally looking away if Joel hit the other in a particularly sensitive place. "Lets get back to the others." He tried to say calmly.

"We need to get your leg looked at." He added as he opened the doors to the school, the dimming light of the sunset showing all of the blood splatters covering the oldest Miller who just wiped it off as he limped back to his horse quietly. 


	23. We're nearing the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None,_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally so sorry for not updating, I've had no idea where to take this and honestly I think we're at the end, maybe one more chapter and thats it :) Also I'm super sorry for how short this chapter is.

From what you could tell it was dark outside. You'd told Dina to go home and get some rest since you didn't want her staying in that chair all night. God knows it wouldn't be good for her back. She gave in after the sixth or seventh plea thankfully and you were just sat waiting in your room for the others to return to you.

Ellie and Jesse were first. Which was kind of them. Maria trailed in behind them and smiled gently at you, before Jesse piped up.

"How's your... Everything feel?" He asked motioning to all of you. 

You were starting to feel a little better. You ached sure, but at least you could sit up and maybe even stand if you tried. The pounding in your head subdued as you listened to the early year rain falling outside, the pitter patter of it sliding down the windows relaxing you greatly.

"Uh... Good actually." You nodded carefully. You sat up a little more and attempted to cross your legs where you sat. "I feel gross but other than that. Like I could kill a horde of infected." You boasted before sagging your shoulders a little. "Actually not that good." You joked.

You watched as a small smile formed on Ellie's lips, Jesse letting out his own scoff. "A horde huh? and you would know what it was like to kill one how?" He teased.

You raised your eyebrow. "Because I've killed a horde before?" You hummed back, starting a new conversation. But before you could quite leave the previous one behind, you could hear Tommy speaking through the walkie talkie. 

"We're back, on our way to the infirmary, Joel's been stabbed. Over." He informed his wife, who raised her brows in shock.

"You're okay though aren't you?. Over." She asked a little panicked, not particularly thinking for Joel's sake. 

" 'm fine it's not about me right now. I'll speak when I'm there. Over and out." The radio spat.

Before long you could see Tommy come to the door of your room. He had a little blood on him. More near his leg and on his shoulder where he's helped his brother limp into the building. Instantly you could feel anxiety coursing through you, starting in the pit of your stomach.

"Where's Joel?" You asked, not even thinking of whether it was him that was bleeding. Tommy was too lucky for that. You shakily pushed yourself up and stumbled into Ellie. Your feet felt tingly since you hadn't gotten up in a few days and your legs felt like jelly. 

"Woah careful." Ellie scolded gently, her own tone matching yours of fear.

Tommy looked over to you and moved to take you off of Ellie's shoulder, trying to get you to sit back down. "He's fine, just got a nasty cut in his thigh." He explained. 

You glared at him as he tried to sit you down. Using all of your strength to keep yourself up. "What room is he in? I'll go help." You queried as Tommy gave up on trying to sit you down, just letting you stand with them, his hand on the small of your back just in case you were ready to fall over.

He looked over to Maria who gave him a single nod of approval. "C'mon i'll take you." He offered as you both walked towards Joel's room, which wasn't far from yours. You kept your eyes on your socks as you walked, just trying to stay steady as you did so. Your ribs were hurting from the sudden movement, but it was nothing in comparison to what it was like originally.

Tommy let you go before knocking on the door gently, swinging it open to see Caleb sat on a stood in front of Joel who was sat on the bed, his jeans folded next to him as he was having the nasty gash on his thigh cleaned, before he could have it stitched up.

"Jesus Joel..." You mumbled pushing your way in.

Caleb was surprised to see you up and running. Sure you were limping a little but the bed rest was the main culprit of that. He pushed himself back for a moment, the wheels of the stool squeaking gently as he glided across the floor.

You walked over quickly and put your hands on his face, ignoring anything he was saying as you checked over the forming bruises and the small slit going over the scar on his nose, making a little blood dribble down the side of it. "You're a fool." You huffed, worry coursing through your voice. You made him lift his head so that you could see the bruise on his neck, a straight line going across. 

"I'm fine." He croaked, his voice ruined from the crowbar to the throat. 

"No you're not." You hissed back at him. "You could've been killed." You scolded as you moved to take the alcohol soaked rag from Caleb before patting it onto the wound more. Not caring that every time you hunched over your ribs hurt. 

"But I wasn't." He countered, holding your arm as you dabbed the cloth against him. 

Caleb knew that he wasn't gonna be able to sway you away from the older man to work. That you'd taken it into your own hands to clean him up. So instead he gently placed the suture kit next to you both and stood back, making room for Maria, Ellie and Jesse to wander in. Letting you take the stool to sit between Joel's legs.

"What the hell happened out there?" Maria questioned, her head turning between the brothers.

Tommy sighed and watched as you muttered your own scolds to Joel quietly, the older man apologising and muttering back. Even though he was still stressed out and in pain he seemed to light up a little having you yell at him. "We found Derek. Down at the old boarding school." He explained, leaning back against the wall.

"And?" Maria egged on. "I'm guessing Derek got away." She sighed. Making you tense a little as you started to stitch your boyfriend up. 

Tommy glanced to his brother before back at his wife. "Not exactly." He defended. "We found him hiding out in the school. He got the jump on Joel." 

"And where were you when he got the jump on him?" You chided, your hands steady as you repeated the same sewing action over and over carefully. 

Tommy sighed rubbing the back of his neck before adjusting his hair tie. "We split up to look for him..." He admitted, earning a stern glare from Maria. "We thought we'd cover more ground quicker." 

"It wasn't about covering ground Tommy. It was about finding a dangerous man. Which you did. And he got the upper hand." Maria scolded. "What if he'd managed to stab somewhere a little more vital?" She huffed.

You furrowed your brow as you listened to her rant, naming worse things that could've happened to your other half. 

"Maria..." Ellie called out, motioning for her to cut it out, noticing that you'd stopped suturing the wound. 

She quickly stopped and shifted her anger towards a different subject as you continued.

"You're alright girl..." Joel mumbled gently, his fingers brushing a piece of hair from your face as you started again. 

"So where is Derek now?" Maria pried, crossing her arms.

"He's dead." Joel admitted. "He started to choke me, Tommy had no choice but t'shoot him." He defended. "It was either him or me." 

Maria sighed and dropped her head forward. "Maybe it's better that way..." She rationalised. "Well. If you two are okay, I'm gonna go inform my father of everything. Make sure that we get it out that the place is safe." She explained. 

"You two best go get some rest, you still have duties tomorrow." She instructed to Ellie and Jesse. Ellie gave her a worried look motioning to Joel for a second. "He'll be fine. Y/n's patching him up now." She reminded before wandering out, the two young adults following.

Tommy followed behind Ellie going off to follow his wife.

You were both left in silence. Just your breathing filling the room. 

"You know... I've been thinking..." You trailed off.

"Uh oh that ain't good." Joel teased, a small smile gracing his face as you looked up at him. 

You shook your head and smiled. "No seriously." You insisted. "Maybe we should move in together." You suggested, looking back down to his leg. 

Joel raised his eyebrows in surprise. He wasn't expecting that, it wasn't a negative reaction he just, never thought he'd get to that point. "Should we now?" He hummed.

You nodded as you finished the stitches, moving the bandage around it. "I mean, yeah. We're both gonna be recovering for a little bit, I'm gonna need help and so are you. We normally stay at your place anyway I just- I just think it would be a good idea. It could be fun." You explained.

He thought about your reasoning. You were right on all of those points. He definitely wanted to keep an eye on you, Even though he knew that Derek was definitely out of the picture he was still a little weary of things.

"What do you think?" You queried, looking up at him as you finished off tying the bandage before standing up carefully. 

He sucked in a breath as he moved to get off the bed, grabbing his jeans in the process. "I think... That would be a great idea." He smiled gently, noticing your shoulders relax.

You smiled brightly at him, for the first time in days. 

"Plus it means we get to bring Deaky over and I'm a big fan'a him." He teased. 


	24. Together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Chapter Warnings: None,_

Well, It had been just over a year since you moved in with Joel, Nearly two years since you guys first got together. And it was... blissful, to say the least. You'd had ups and downs but in the end everyone argues from time to time.

You looked over the dark neighbourhood, it was October? you think? Well you'd assumed. A few houses had Jack-O-lanterns outside them. Sure Halloween was a thing of the past but it was still fun to celebrate. 

The sun was just starting to come up as you sipped your coffee, the steam warming your face each time you brought the mug to your mouth. It was peaceful. The birds chirped lightly as they all started to wake up.

Never in your 30 years of being on this earth did you think it would end like this. Peacefully. You were actually happy, which in this world seemed like a foreign thought.

You jumped a little as you were pulled out of thought, Two strong arms wrapping around your waist before pulling you back gently. Joel's head nestling into the crook of your neck. 

Still not a morning person.

"Good morning." You hummed, pressing your lips to the side of his head briefly. 

Joel tightened his grip around you bringing all of your body heat to him. "Mornin'." He grumbled tiredly. 

You turned back to look over the quiet neighbourhood. "What's on our agenda today?" You questioned as you sipped at your coffee once more.

"Well I was plannin' on stayin' in bed longer but it just ain't as warm when you're not there." He murmured. 

"Well I'm sorry for actually getting up. We can go back to bed once I've finished my coffee if you want?" You offered.

Joel shook his head, pressing a few stray kisses to your neck. "No, no. We're up. We have stuff to do." He admitted. 

You raised your eyebrow as his arms got tighter around you. Today was your day off, which was pretty damn cool. Maria had tried to get it so that you and Joel would get the same time off to spend with each other, and normally he didn't want to do anything other than sit around with you on those days so the fact that he said that you both have stuff to do was a little different. 

"What kind of stuff?" You pried.

"We're goin out. Up towards the mountain path. The horses need a ride."

You scrunched your nose up a little. It was never really your job to do that, and also you were always taking the horses out to ride. Considering you weren't the only ones riding them. 

"Okay..." You trailed off confused.

"What?" He asked hearing the genuine confusion. 

You shook your head before placing another kiss to the side of his head. "Nothing, nothing." You reassured before putting your mug down and turning in his arms. A smile graced your face seeing his grumpy face for the first time this morning. Never will this man be a morning person. His hair was all messy and his eyes were practically closed as he looked down at you, his lips were pursed and he was bundled up in his coat.

You wrapped your arms around his neck softly and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Let's go make breakfast." You whispered gently as you slid out of his grip. 

Omelette was on the menu today, since you'd very kindly been gifted a few eggs from Dina and Ellie's chickens on the farm. You were an expert at making these. Well, you liked to think at least. It was only because of Joel but that's not the point. 

You made great, fluffy omelettes. 

You hummed a tune as you stood in front of the stove, watching the eggs cook carefully to make sure you didn't burn them. You could feel his eyes on the back of you as you did so making you smile. "Y'know I have this feeling that I'm being watched." You called back.

He chuckled a little as he put his mug down onto the island. "That's because you are darlin'." He smiled. "Am I not allowed to admire what's in front of me?" He grinned.

"Nope." You teased.

"Well too bad I'm doin' it anyway." 

You continued making the omelette and got them dished out before handing Joel's over to him. Waiting impatiently for him to take a bite to tell you how you did. It was the normal reaction. A deep hum with a smile that could kill before telling you it was the best he'd ever had. Occasionally throwing in a 'Better than sex' line just to give it that oomf. 

You talked a little while you ate but not a lot, Joel mainly had his mouth full the entire time so it was a little hard to get a sentence out of him. After that you went and got into some different clothes, warmer clothes. Knowing that the October air around Jackson was chilly to say the least.

You walked downstairs and smiled seeing little Deaky sat on the island in the kitchen. You scooped him up and wandered over to Joel who was putting his shoes on by the door. "We ready to go?" You questioned, looking down at him.

He looked up and raised an eyebrow. "We ain't bringing Deaky." 

You giggled a little and shook your head. "I know I know I'm just giving him some attention before we leave." You smiled.

Once Joel had gotten his boots on and given them that old man slap just to make sure they were on, you both headed out. Leaving Deaky in the nice warm house by himself. 

You walked down towards the stables, your arm hooked through his as you did so. He seemed a little stiff. Not like old man stiff, like he was a little on edge? You rubbed your thumb in circles against his arms instinctively trying to get him to loosen up but it wasn't happening.

The door to the stables opened and you beamed a smile at Tommy who was leading Rover out of one of the horse boxes. "There you two are." He beamed. 

"How're you here? I thought you weren't working today?" You questioned confused. Earning a little nervous glance from Joel. What the hell was going on with him?

"I was over this way and knew Joel wanted to take the horses out so I thought I'd help." He explained as he passed the reigns over to his brother.

You nodded gently. "That's sweet of you." You cooed as someone handed you the reigns to your newer horse Deku. You patted the horses nose gently before making sure that he was saddled up. He was a sweet horse. A perfect replacement for Arthur. Well that sounded a little harsh, nothing could replace Arthur in that sense. You know what I mean. Deku was a little anxious around new people but he had a heart of gold, and he was a powerful boy. You loved him.

You moved to get up onto him and let out a grunt as you swung your leg over his back. Settling yourself in the saddle as you looked over at Joel, who'd gotten up onto Rover and gotten himself settled. "You ready?" You questioned. 

He nodded and watched as you put your arm forward.

"Lead the way Texas." 

He nudged Rover into a trot and lead you out of Jackson, taking you up and over one of the less patrolled routes, towards a field near a cliff. There was an out outpost cabin up there. That was the only thing in sight, a few broken fences but other than that it was just a field next to a cliff with an isolated cabin.

"You didn't bring me up here to kill me did you?" You joked as you took in your surroundings, the autumn air showing as you breathed out small clouds of it.

A deep chuckle escaped him as he looked over to you. "How'd you know?" He grinned.

You let out a giggle and looked around. "You got this look in your eye, it's the same look you give me when you're just about to bust." You laughed. 

He shook his head as his own chuckles got a little louder. "Well Maybe I should change my 'bust' face." He hummed as he came up to the cabin and hopped off of Rover, moving to hitch him to a broken fence post. Which you ended up doing the same with Deku. 

You curiously watched as he sauntered over to the edge of the cliff, shoving his hands into his pockets as he did so. Before you left Deku you checked in the cabin just to make sure there was nothing hiding in there, and there wasn't but it's a mistake you couldn't afford to make. 

You wandered over to him as he looked over at everything below you, Jackson being included in the scenery. You just studied the side of his face, the sun brightening all of his features as he stared off.

"Who'da thought life would turn out this way..." He muttered.

You turned to look over at everything, humming. "Not me that's for sure." 

"Never would I have thought that I'd end up at a place like Jackson." He started as he pulled his hands from his pockets. "I didn't think that I would live past 33 nevermind into my late 40's..." He admitted. 

"I've struggled... A lot... And Some how I've always ended up fighting. Just for survival." He sighed. "I think at some point my brain shut down and that's all it was. I was just in survival mode. Nothing was supposed to make me happy. I often think about what would've happened if I stopped. Just give up. Let myself get bitten. Or have some sorry son of a bitch who I've pissed off come and kill me."

You frowned at his words and stepped closer to him, rubbing the back of his arm a little.

He looked down at his watch and rubbed over the broke glass gently. "Nothin' was worth fightin' for... I fought for her... Lived for my Sarah..." He breathed. "And then after what? 20 years? I found out why I kept living. Ellie was... a life saver, to say the least. And I know I did her wrong. I know I shouldn't have lied to her but, I couldn't lose something I'd just gotten back." 

"Joel..." You mumbled.

"If it weren't for her, I would've died in some FEDRA fuckin' safe zone, thrown into a pile'a bodies ready to be burned." He theorised. "But I kept goin' for her. And for what felt like the longest time, I only had her. I only lived to make sure that she was okay. Jackson was just a plus."

"Then you come outta nowhere. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. Ready to help where you can, You didn't even know me and you wanted to make sure I was okay. I mean hell I could'a turned my back on you and killed you and you still had bandages ready for me." He sighed. 

"That was when I knew just how fucked I was. How you were gonna be the death of me. This bouncy, what? 26 year old woman was gonna be the death of me. And it ate me up inside for a while. That I knew there was somethin' that I wanted from you, no matter what it was I just wanted it from you. But the age difference? Hell If it weren't for the fact that you've convinced me time and time again that it's okay I probably woulda backed down before we got to the 6 month mark." He rambled. 

You gazed over at everything while he talked, taking it all in at the same time. 

"I finally got what I was lookin' for. And Like hell am I ever gonna give that up. I got a kid, I mean she ain't much of a kid no more but she'll always be to me. And... a wife."

You scrunched your nose and turned to question him to see that he had gotten down on one knee. Your eyes went wide as you turned fully to him. In his hand was a carved wooden box with a few details carved into the top, your initials being one of them. Definitely his handywork.

"I know marriage don't mean much no more but, I wanna make sure that you're stuck with me until the end of your days." He breathed, his voice audibly nervous. "So, Y/n L/n, Will you do me the damn honour of marrying this old grump?" He asked, sucking in a breath as he opened up the box to show a ring, It was sparkling, it had definitely been cleaned up. 

You couldn't speak, the utter shock of ever getting to see the day where you were being proposed to taking over. So instead you just nodded eagerly, making a strangle of noises as you clenched your hands together.

"Gimme your hand." He chuckled as he let a breath out. He took your hand gently and slid the ring on. Watching as it glimmered in the sun. Before he could acknowledge anything else you'd thrown yourself at him. Knocking him back into the grass and holding onto him.

He let out a very old man grunt and chuckled, wrapping his arms around you. "So you're happy?" He questioned.

You moved to press kisses all over his face, peppering him with them. "Yes. Yes, Yes!" You squealed with each kiss. "So this wasn't for the horses?" You mused.

"Nah that was just my reason t'get you out here." He admitted as you pressed your lips to his, pulling him into a deep kiss before pulling back. 

"You're a fucking angel." You cooed.

"Pfft. No I ain't don't start with that angel crap or I'll take the ring back." He teased. 

"Oh you'd have to pry it from my cold dead hands." You threatened as he flipped you over, pressing your hands into the grass, intertwining his fingers.

He leaned down until his lips were hovering over yours. "Oh I'm sure we can make that happen." He chuckled deeply as he kissed you gently. 

You stayed in the field with him for probably an hour or so more, just rolling around, laying in it in general. Which left your clothes dirty but who cared.

The ride back was gorgeous, you seemed to take everything in much more after the whole proposal. 

You looked up at the ones on guard of the East gate and smiled at them, before Tommy looked down at Joel with a nod.

Joel smiled a little and nodded back, making Tommy's smile grow ever larger as he made his way out of the tower.

You rode in and were greeted with Tommy, who was a little out of breath.

"You two have a good ride?" He asked, helping you down off of Deku, looking at the ring on your finger as he did so. 

You smiled at him and hummed. "You knew about this didn't you?" You pressed as you hopped down. 

Tommy threw his hands up. "I don't got no idea what you're talking about, but I think this is a cause for celebration? How about I pay for your drinks at Seth's?"

You shook your head. "No I don't want you to do that." You rejected. 

Joel scoffed. "Speak for yourself, you can definitely pay for mine." He grinned as you all started walking, patting his younger brother on the back. 

Tommy offered you to go first into Seth's which was weird for him but you didn't think much about it. you pushed the doors open and almost jumped out of your skin as people started cheering at you and clapping. 

Maria stood forward and held out a glass of wine. "Congratulations!" She beamed as you took the drink. 

"How the hell did- Tommy." You glared, feeling a little embarrassed. 

He grinned at you before watching as his brother sheepishly took his glass of wine. Gulping it down to give himself a confidence boost. 

You spent the next hour or two talking to people about everything, congratulations were thrown your way repeatedly and you were kinda happy about it. This is what it was like before everything started. It felt... right.

You turned your head to Dina who'd wandered over with Ellie. A smile pulling at her cheeks as she did so.

"There she is. The future Mrs. Miller." She beamed. 

That felt good to hear. You could definitely get used to it. 

"Now all that's next is kids." She smirked as Jesse walked up behind her and Ellie.

"Yeah when're you gonna give El a brother or sister?" He teased making you go wide eyed.

You looked around at everyone and giggled a little. "Please, one big event at a time. Then we can think about it." You finished.


End file.
